Poem help!?
Can you help edit my poem... Or add to it?
Why go on?
I give you love but you don't give any back.
Why do we go on if it's love that we lack?
When you do this to me I feel uneasy inside,
Sometimes so much, I wish I could hide.
When you do this to me I try hard not to cry.
And most of the time I think I should die.
Just stop pretending that you care,
Because so many lies are too much to bear.
******************
Thanks
Answer:
I love it just the way it is! Why fix it or change it? It obviously came from the heart so let it be.
The only thing I can say is that I had a real picky teacher in High School, and she said that you should never say"you" in a poem until you say who they are, so you could say the person's name instead or you could give them a title of some kind.
Otherwise, I liked it
It seems just fine to me, but I'm not really the poet type lol
But I think it's good ^_^
so when you really think you love me dont be a fool and play me cuz all your doing is hurting me. and i dont think i could take it any more.
Who do you think you are?
You think you're all that 'cause you drive a nice car.
Well you're not me and I'm not you
So you can't tell me what to do
Only beacuse now, we're through.
I give you my love and it is shattered to pieces.
Why do we go on, if we have no Love?
When you do this to me I feel empty inside.
I wish I could hide from this pain!
It is the Love of in heart that is too much to bear.
I try hard not to cry that I feel I could die.
Stop pretending you care my heart has been torn,
too many times.
Omg that is sooooooooooo good!
So sadly emotional, in a brilliant way!
xxx
Gurl peoms is how you feel and that poem can't be helped because i love it the way it is i tihnk that i'm going ot read this to my boyfriend that poem shows so much talent i think i want i cry
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