13 y/o who has changed.?
Answer:
You may not be able to physically "make" them do anything but removal of all "fun" items in a childs room does. If the 13 year old in question does not behave start taking things out one at a time. Do not put them back until the child is behaving all the time. No tv, no stereo,no computer, no toys nothing in the room except clothes and school books. Then as behavior improves he can reclaim his stuff when he has proven he can behave.
And this is a question??? We all know this, especially those of us with kids.
It's the friends he's hanging out with.. He is being a follower and not a leader.. Make sure he is not taking drugs like smoking weed or something. I know in some states you can now buy drug testing kits Over the counter, if you can't take him to the doctor and tell them you want a drug test done on your son for reasons . because his whole personality has changed and you are concerened.. Good Luck to you.. Teenagers attitudes do tend to change..
OK, again, YOU go to counseling. You need to get help fast and maybe the counselor can suggest ways to talk your son into going as well.
At the very least, you could email the Dr. Phil show. Maybe they can help you in some way.
You know something, you can make your own boot camp.
Get rid of the child's 'things'. Give him two outfits to wear. Make him wash his clothes nightly. Be his best friend. Stay with him day and night. Don't leave his side. Go to school with him, eat with him, let him know what is acceptable and what isn't.
If I am mistaken, aren't you the parent? Do what a parent is suppose to do. Take care of the village idiot you raised and retrain him. You should have started when he was a baby. So many parents are so permissive. They choose to ignore their children's bad behavior because they are so wrapped up into themselves. Guess what? Your darling child is a horror. Take care of the situation yourself. If you work, take a leave of absence and spend the next two weeks at your child's side. He will get the picture.
Bootcamps, in general, are not helpful, and can in fact be harmful to your child. Have you taken him to a pediatrician? I'm not one to advise drugging your child, but he may have underlying conditon(s) that is causing his anger. Get a total and complete physical for him and tell the doctor your reasons for wanting this done. If this doesn't help, get counseling! And you are totally right, in this day parents cannot discipline their children, however, when they go to school with knives or guns, it's the parents who are in the spotlight for having unruly kids!! One of those Damned if you do and damned if you don't scenarios! You say in the day?? Ha ha ha!! I'm 42 years old and to this day if I were to back talk my dad, he'd backHAND me!! I just don't do it. Respect for your parents has flown out the window, and you're absolutely right, we have no rights TO discipline children!
I wouldn't threaten him with the bootcamp thing...the last thing you want is a runaway!! But get some professional help from medical doctor(s)!!
I agree with everything Trollhair said, by the way!
you do know there is an add button you can use to add comments to your question...
and today this day an age there is no respect people are scared of teens is that was you want your boy to be ? a chav??? well if you don't do something he will be .. you can't be soft on him you can make him go to counseling without physically touching him.. make him go by taking things away .. he doesn't have his own money so if he wants his mp3 player and mobile back he better go .. and also if he is on drugs that is committing a crime.
I think children these days do expect EVERYTHING, this is due to advertising and unfortunately other kids who do get everything due to parents who allow it to happen for an easy life. I was a single parent for sometime and I felt myself slipping into that category and it does cause behavioral problems. the only answer is to say NO and stick to your guns.
Is there any bullying in school or reasons for the behaviour? Are you a single parent? It can be tough dealing with everything on your own, I've been there. Do you have any support within the family?
I have never had to physically chastise any of my kids but I can understand if you get to the end of your tether it seems like the only option.
Summer camps with school...can you get help to pay ...being from the UK...I'm not sure of the schooling system over there.
there is a psych diagnosis called oppositional defiant disorder. You can seek counseling with a child psych, and if he/she finds this to be the case, then off to the home he goes, until hes "cured," or your insurance runs out.
PLEASE DO READ THIS!!(ive been in your possition)
However million answers you get keep in mind you cannot make everyone happy and its u putting up with all the crap! some will tell you to (pardon my french). belt the little ingrate! others will give you the tree hugging love and understanding answer. sure read them they took the time to give u an answer, Im here to tell you that those extremes and everything in between only works through one single premise...ready? consistency..thats right, kids and all humans for that effect are but a higher level of animals and so we work on the premise of "punishment v reward" principles, i read some of your readers told you to take the toys away.. true thats good but the kid must know:
a. previously to the bad act what the consequences of those bad choices are>
b. during the execution of the punishment your kid must be made to understand that this you do not do for your benefit or even theirs, ( i mean what kid is gonna believe that crap!, you remember that "this hurts me more than you? yhea that was a lie!), he must know that this is direct result of their choice , they knew it was gonna happen, they knew exactly! what was gonna happen, basically they made that messed up choice and now they have no other to blame but themselves!
c. after such chosen punishment let them know this will happens every single time, and also make them aware of the good benefits of good behavoiur!!
simple maths! but the most important point is that after a while the kid gets the idea that they cannot manipulate you and that they have lost that power to get to you, it's all on them ergo at the same time you make them accountable, something kids in america need more off.
that is a hard one my sister is the same way she got taken from home because of having sex with boys and drugs and stuff. now she is throw in to homes everywhere don't see her family that much or anything. she don't go shopping or nothing she has to ask to use the bathroom. her problem was that she got in with the wrong people and she took after them. try to change his school to change the friends he hangs with. good luck i hope you have better luck then i did with my sister.
You are right you can not force him to do anything. However you do have a lot of things you can control. Children today are given way too much, my daughter included. They do not appreciate or earn the things they have. You are required to provide a roof, clothing and food. No one said they have to be name brand clothes or junk food. Those things are privileges as are TV, game boys, music, allowances, and so many other things kids take for granted. Get rid of them all. Provide him only the basics until he is willing to live by your rules. Don't just take these things away, but get rid of them, take them out of the house. Give them away or ask a friend or relative to hold them until you feel the child has earned them back. Make it clear you mean business. If he wants something he works for it, if he doesn't he doesn't get it. You are the parent and you have to stand firm.
Majority of teens out there will at some point or another push you to the point that you just want to kill them. I know, I have 2 of my own - both teens. And it has nothing to do with parenting skills, etc. it's more to do with the fact that teachers, preachers, friends parents, grandparents, etc. tell them all the time that hitting them and you yelling is abuse. If everyone else in the world would butt out of the way kids are disciplined, then there would be less teens that are uncontrollable.
When my kid threatened to call social services on me, I dialed the number, handed her the phone, and said "there ya go". She quickly hung up and never threatened me again. And no, I do not strike my kids.
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