More drama with my boyfriend and his son?
Answer:
Ok for the person who told her that the BF should kick her out. its HER house! I wish you luck trying to figure this out. I have no real good answers for you. But it is your house and if the BF wants to stay he should try and work something out with the Mother of the child or lay down some rules for the child when he's in your care. If they cant abide by your rules they dont need to be there.
The dad should ask you to leave instead. The reason the child is violent and defiant is that his world has been torn apart by two parents who could not get along. On top of that you are competing with the child for the father's affection. How do you think the boy feels inside? Are you helping matters any by your jelousy and not wanting the boy to move in? Do you honestly think that child has no clue how you feel about him? If he is not shown love then how is he supposed to respond lovingly. You are the parents who should be setting healthy boundries and dicipline and love and caring... not isolation,anger,hostility. How much better would this whole thing gone if you had said:
"Honey, I am sorry that your mom can't pick you up tonight as she was supposed to. You're welcome to stay here and your dad can take you home in the morning. I am sorry it will interfere with getting you to school on time. We will have to work on finding a better way to exchange homes so this doesn't cause you difficulties as well" instead of what I think the child overheard in your conversation to your boyfriend about how upset you were. Which way do you think showed that child you care for him???? Save your anger and negative comments about the situation until you two can talk in private and work it out. A child does not need to hear that .. what can your boyfriend do about it at work except to make him upset too...it will have to wait till he comes home anyhow so why are you doing this? (So who is creating all the drama?)
This child is being used by the mother to get even with the dad and you are NOT helping matters one bit. If you cannot be a positive influence in the child's life then for God's sake get out of there. You are causing more harm than you realize woman!!!
It astounds me how many parents become parents without a clue as how to be one. End result, another child lost to the street or drugs or death. Please get some help and LEARN how to be a parent and a family. There are many free self help groups or pay for counseling.
I see it is YOUR HOME after you have amended your post. So reverse what I said...ask the dad to leave if it is too much for you to be involved in a healthy way. Let him see his son when he has time to do it in a positive way. The kid just feels sloughed off from one parent to you instead of being with his dad... he is at work. When it causes problems for you and the dad, the boy is reading this as "I am the cause" because I am sure the anger and upsettedness displayed by you is aimed at the boy.This may be unintentional on your part but I am trying to explain what is happening through the child's eyes.Try to arrange visits and work schedule to match or tell the child we can't do it this weekend or we can only do Saturday because Sunday I have to work..etc. No is better than feeling isolated, unloved, unwanted and wharehoused.
If you really want to be involved...what prevents you from returning the boy at the proper time? Why is it necessary to create more drama when a better solution is always at hand? People find healthy answers to problems when they want a better outcome. People find reasons why nothing will work when they want to avoid being involved. I guess it's up to you which type of parent you will be.
You have an opportunity to do a good thing. Get the tools you need to make the boy's life and your own life a positive situation but bud out and do not make it worse if you can't. I am sorry if this post comes across a bit rough but my heart breaks for children in this situation. It ends up haunting them for years into adulthood and prevents them from ever being able to show affection and caring to others for fear of being hurt again. Right now... mom won't pick him up = mom doesn't want me, the girlfriend is angry I am here = she doesn't want me either. Dad is at work when it is the only time I have to spend with him = he doesn't care about me either. Where can I go to feel loved? I think I would feel a little angry and hostile too...how sad.
that is tough. You want to love your man's boy. You want to be supportive. But the kid is nasty to you. That is tough...
You are not legally married so you have no real input at all about what your BF does regarding his child.
What exactly is the question?
The bad additude might be what ever the mother is doing and saying to the kid. His Dad might be right! Maybe he needs a controled setting to live in. You might not like it but it might get better with your and his Dads rules in play. Never tell a man N0 when it comes to his kids. He will hold it aganst you in the long run. Give it a try. The history of Violence might be caused by the rules and living environment he is in full time. Now is the time to make it right as living with his Mom has not been working! You might not like it but the child comes before the girlfriend! The child will live on after you are dead and that child needs to be taught right from wrong now to make our future better. He needs your help if his Mother does not help. This will make his Father love YOU more for trying with his son! Every child needs love and understanding and RULES. Pluse a stable envirnment. When it's not stable the child will act up no matter what age.
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