Do you guys think this story is cool?
That's the link to the story. It was popular until I got banned. Tell me if you guys think it's sweet.
I wrote it myself and there are som small errors.
Answer:
You want my honest opinion?
No, I do not think it's cool or sweet. I's crap.
The mechanics are okay, so they sentencs read nicely. But the actual meaning of the words aren't quite so good. Perhaps if i knew that the author was not 'Sean", I would have liked it a smidgen better. But you have glorified him, making the story a boring read, and you seem like a concietious prat. Not the image I imagine that you might like as an author. Perhaps if you did not make him as well liked, critique his friends to make him seem higher, or call him a math genius as a problem. The attempt at symbolism with the rain was appreciated, but poorly executed. I like the idea of the story of the life through the eyes of a 'troubled' young boy, but there are so many poorly written, cliche, books with an ending that is easy to predict. Honestly, the only thing that I think would redeem it now is if, after Sean got the girl, something happened to make it bittersweet, like one of them died, although that would make it even more cliche, with the other one pining after them. Or maybe if he cheated on Dell with watsherface, the charismatic girl,and everyone ended up unhappy. The story could suddenly turn around and get interesting, but that is highly unlikely. If you wish to continue with the story and putting Sean on a pedestal, at least change the viewpoint so it is told directly by him or one of his friends
Its alright if you want to make your own fantasies, and post them on FeelBaby.com, but when you ask for honest critiques, this is what you get.
Virus.
=]
The story was good, except it basically says that addictions are a normal teen thing. They are not. Love, crushes, stress, peer pressure are normal, addiction is not.
it was really good my question. why did you get banned?
I am not checking out anything that comes from someone that says I will finish when my ban is lifted
sorry i couldnt be bothered to read it
Want me to proof read that for you? I'm serious, I can be your editor or something.
pretty coo. i love it. have you everthought of bein a writer?
I don't like it at all. I think its stupid.
i am also banned from FFR :( but anyways stepmania online is alot better i would convert to that if i was you
does it give the computer viruses??
i gotta know before i read your story
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