How much involvement should my new wife play in my sons life?

sue does not have any children of her own and wants to play a active part in my childs life(attend teacher conferences,volunteer at joey's sports events ect).the problem is my exwife,shes very jealous of sue and wants her to have very little to do with joey(casual freinds at best).i have joint custody so i have as much say as my ex but she has been known to put up a stink and i'm afraid joey will be the one to suffer to see his parents go at it.joey in 8yrs and i have been divorced for 5yrs.stepmoms/divorced dads how would u handle this?should i tell my wife to back off for now on the mother thing? or should i tell my ex to back off and just hope it will not cause ant problems for my son.

Answer:
You should be grateful your wife wants to be an active parent in your child's life that means she cares for him. I'm a step mom and if my husband had told me to back off i would have been offended. Now you are married and he has another parent. Why should she not be involved? You son is only going to benifit from having another person to love him and be there for him. Your ex just needs to accept that you have a life that includes a wife and she will be a part of your childs life forever. He will never learn to love and respect his step mom unless you give them room to get to know each other and let her be involved. If you side with your ex on this its like slapping your wife in the face. Be Caucious.
Your new wife has a right to be at school plays, sporting events, parent-teacher conferences, etc. She is just one more person there to support your son in a positive manner, and since he's already been through the painful breakup of his parents, that can't be a bad thing. He is living part of the time in her home as well, so she needs to know what's going on in his world.

In order to appease everyone, however, there should be boundaries. Your son should not, under any circumstances, refer to your new wife as "mom" or "mother." She should also not be allowed to have any decision-making ability with regard to his behavior or his future. Those are things best left to the biological parents.

Your ex-wife is no doubt bitter and jealous, and she's probably not going to get over that any time soon. She needs to think of your son first, and her feelings second. He has the right to like anyone he wants to like, including your new wife, and she needs to let him decide for himself what kind of role he wants her to take. If he wants her there, it's his choice. But don't try to force him into accepting her if he's not willing to do that, for whatever reason.
as much as possible so you can have freetime with your drinking buddies

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