Is there a "nice" way to let people know that my husband and I have chosen to use an egg donor?
My question is, should we share the decision to use an egg donor with anyone? Is this something socially taboo? I have told a few trusted people and I was suprised by their reactions. One said, "Why bother! Just go adopt babies." Another seemed extremely uncomfortable and started talking loudly. I am inclined now inclined to keep it secret
Answer:
Do you need to broadcast it? no!
Just don't offer up the information.
They are not in your shoes. You are choosing this path because you want something that is "yours"
It is a fundamental biological drive that sometimes cannot be thought away using logic.
Your husband will not be giving birth to this baby, he can only connect with the way that nature allows him to- knowledge that his child will carry his knowledge and be a product of his upbringing. It make it easier for him to know that the child also carries his genetics.
You on the other hand have a little help. You will have this life growing inside of you- sharing your very blood- growing from your essence.
Who cares if it doesn't share genetic information- you shared something a little more intimate then that- it grew from you!
You don't' have to lie. If you give birth to the baby, everyone will assume that you shared genetic information.
If they ask, explain that due to a genetic medical condition, you thought it would be safest to conceive in the laboratory, and your husband's sperm was used.
This is not a lie.
You don't' have to volunteer every detail.
just dont tell anyone.
Don't feel like you have to tell anyone else. This is zillions of miles away from being anyone's business. It's so personal that, as you can see, people just don't even know how to react when you tell them.
it's your decision. i wouldn't tell anyone, it really isn't any of their business. however, if you do decide to tell them, remember that you are going to be in for some hefty criticism.
will you be carrying the child, your close friends don't sound to kind if that is there response, i don't think there is any reason to tell anyone, it's not a secret just no need, my brothers wife was artificially inseminated and i am the only family member who knows, it's just not necessary to inform people, ex specially such close minded people
Exactly, its none of anyones bussiness.
I think it is a personal decision and since this will be your child regardless of whos egg is being used I wouldnt even consider telling them. The bottom line is that this is your baby. Period.
Such procedures are becoming more common but not everyone is comfortable with them, as you have learned. It seems the people you told were not emotionally able to handle this information appropriately. I don't see why you need to announce your decision at all. If anyone is rude enough to question you, you can simply reply that that is a private matter between you and your husband.
I think you are doing the smart thing.
If you adopt a child you still have to wonder what genetic conditions it will face.
And it's its none of their business.
If it is causing you a lot of discomfort having to constantly defend yourself, I would not bother telling people. you have to make the right choice for you!
I actually tried to put myself in your shoes. I think that I would do the same thing you are doing with using an egg donor. It makes complete sense!
To me people let some people know too much of their business me I would not tell noone as long as my husband know and maybe our mothers and fathers and after that f... what any body else has to say so to me a nice way to say it is "not none of your business" see now reading the end of what you wrote is the reason to me I would not have said anything to anyone because some poeple can be very rude and if that is you and your husband way of doing things then do you baby until you decide to have some on your own I really feel for people that choose not to have sick or handicap children because today and this time people are rude no matter what .So if you and your hubby is cool then when somebody has something to say me being me I would tell them " mind your business it takes six months to tend to your busness and six month to stay out of mind" I got that from my grandmother when people has something to say about my busness.It may not be the best answer to things but it get me by with people and their nose in my business.God Bless and Good Luck with the baby.
Why would you want to tell anyone? To me it's similar to someone saying, we're trying to get pregnant so we had sex on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Way too much information! No matter how you recieve a child, whether by birth with your eggs or someone elses, or by adoption, or even stork ;-) it's still your baby and a child. Once you're pregnant it won't matter how it happened.
If you need a support group, I'd stick with a best friend, my mom, and a sibling, maybe. Other than that I'd find a group of parents who've actually done that, most fertility drs who specialize in this will host a support group in their office. Ask about it.
Well it's up to you if you want to tell people.
While it would be nice if people would be supportive, as IVF isn't the easiest thing to go through most people probably will be @sses. That's just the way it is. But if you feel the drive to educate feel free. I think education is awesome, though I find with parenting it is often hard to share what you are doing and why without people feeling like you are saying they are bad parents for doing something else. Particularly people whose kids are grown. I wish people would be happier to share information and decisions and even debate.
Don't be ashamed of your decision, but don't feel that you have to share it with everyone either. I, personally, think that you will be happy you didn't miss pregnancy. Also by giving birth to your own children you know that they will be well taken care of in the womb, which isn't always guaranteed with adoptive children. Not that this is always the case but you can use that as ammo.
Also try to find a support group.
On a side note, if it isn't rude to ask, are you going to use anonymous eggs or are you asking a family member/friend? My mom was talking about donating eggs for my SIL for awhile, so I am just curious. (My SIL decided just to accept that she would never have children, she has health problems that would have made pregnancy difficult as well as conception. I am sad that she didn't adopt though, I think she would have been a great mom. Also she was working in children's services and I think giving up on having her own contributed to her sudden burn out)
Anyway I am babbling now, too much coffee, not enough sleep.
Best of luck.
My answer is that it is none of their business. As long as you will love that child, who cares about the rest? Oh, and, also, there is the chance that someone else will tell them how they were conceived before you are ready to.
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