Mothers of adoptees?
Answer:
I'm the mother of 1 birth child (5 years old) and I'm expecting an adopted child in June. When I found out I was pregnant I cried with happiness, when I found out I would have another child, again, I cried I was so happy. That another woman is carrying my baby isn't the big issue with me. The big issues are getting a nursery ready, shopping for a layette, having the paperwork ready. This new baby is wanted and loved by me, my husband and our daughter. I can't wait to see this babies little face and feel his or her sleeping little body cuddled up to me. The biggest difference I anticipate is a positive one. I delivered my daughter by emergency c-section and I will have no physical healing time and can jump right into my newborns care pain-free. I'm so grateful for both of my children! This is just the expecting perspective. Of course I've thought of the future but for right now, I'm just living in the joy of becoming a mother for the second time.
I'm not a mother, but an adoptee who has found my birth mother. I am a twin who was adopted as an infant (with my twin) and I have an older adopted brother and my parents have a child of their own who is about 10 years younger than I am. I am almost 40 and was 25 when I met my birthmother.
My parents often struggled to understand their three adopted kids. Our tastes and personalities were so very different from theirs, it must have been extremely difficult. When my parents finally had a child of their own, it was amazing - they finally had a child they could connect with. I can't speak for my other siblings, but I can say that I was never jealous, I really watched their interaction in awe. They were very, very close and my younger brother would climb into bed with my parents even as a young adult. It was a pleasure to see him with my mom and dad. They were so much alike and very happy together. My dad passed away and my brother was with him when he died. It was an end to a bond that was amazing.
As an adult, I'm still really close to my younger brother and I'm also really close to my mom. She and I speak about 3 times a week and she admires me, but she doesn't get me. It's just the way it is. I remember once, my mom said that it was like she had two distinct families: the adopted one and the one she and dad had with my youngest brother. It wasn't a hard thing to hear. Anyone who is perceptive could see it anyway.
Now, some people might think that her saying that is harsh, but my mom is the absolute nicest, naive woman alive. She is pure goodness and heart. She's so innocent. I am the opposite. I'm direct, often impatient, I can be demanding and controlling, I'm smart, witty and sharp. There isn't much I can't do if I set my mind to it. My mom knows this and she leans on me because it's my strength. I lean on her for her sheer kindness.
Anyway, I won't go into the details about my birthmother, but it is a happy story. My birthmother and my mom are friendly with one another, they share a grandchild (from my twin) and my birthmother has consulted with my mom on occasion when she needed to understand this, that or the other. My grandmother recently passed away, and my birthmother was the first in line to offer help - and my mom accepted it graciously. When we were going through Grandma's things, my mom gave lots of our baby pictures to our birthmother, who was visibly moved by the gesture. Life is good, but it's so much sweeter because of my birthmother. I wouldn't trade her for anything. She gets me.
*Edit: I agree with the answerer below about the abandonment issues - it's a fact. However, the whole being "wanted" or being "chosen" is bunk to me. Yes, we were chosen - but adoption is a SECOND choice for most people. What did your parents want more: to have a child of their own or to take someone else's? An honest assesment is needed - and it can be a hard pill to swallow because people don't want to admit it for fear of hurting those that they love. Just because you love your adopted child doesn't change what is inate.
I am adopted, so I can't answer the first couple of questions (although my mom gave us so much love I don't think it could be ever compared to what a birth mom could give. plus we always knew we were wanted!). but about the issues. There is a lot of abandonment issues... I was adopted at only 3 days old, and I STILL had abandonment issues. As an adoptee you can't ever place a finger on what bothers you, but when I read this one book (I think it was called the primeval womb, but I am not really sure) and it pointed out the abandonment feelings that were prevalent in many adoptees. It helped both me and my mother come to terms with some of my problems (such as why if she left me at the daycare 15 minutes later I would think she was never coming back, or why when I was teen I had trouble dating cuz I would always assume the guy would leave me... etc)
The answers post by the user, for information only, FeelBaby.com does not guarantee the right.