As a stay at home mom... what sort of things do you do?
I am a stay at home mom, but I think I am NOT living up to the standards. I don't seem to enjoy it, I'm not happy. I feel trapt. I am not a "betty home maker type". I hate cleaning. I think I feel this way because I am stuck at home, not accomplishing anything.
My day consist of waking up when ever my son wakes me up, feeding him, changing him, doing MINOR (I DO MEAN MINOR) house cleaning, some laundry, and dinner.
Is there any thing that may help me get out of this rut? What should I be doing? what suggestions do you have?
PLEASE, PLEASE Don't be mean!
Answer:
For a one year old, your emphasis must be on holding your child, talking to your child, exploring the world with your child - going for long walks and naming and talking about everything you see. read read read books. make playdoh on the stove and play with it together. glue things together.
bring your child into your world, share the things you love - we went to lots of art museums, gardens, and parks cause that's what i love.
i felt a tremendous restlessness at first when i stayed home with out first born. eventually, i realized i was accomplishing a tremendous amount. i was giving my child what he needed to feel secure, and what he needed to develop his best self.
I listened to intelligent talk radio (ie, hour long discussions on topics, not right-wing freak show radio) and when my husband got home I ran into the bathroom and took a shower until the hot water ran out.
It will get more exciting and interesting as he can participate in more and more, but you can make your life interesting now. You really learn museums and zoos in depth if you go week after week with your kid and the experiences are different every time.
15 minutes of every hour your son is awake, you are supposed to do 'floor time' where you follow his lead, playing blocks, laying on your belly talking, acting out scenes with creature/people toys.
I never found that I had enough time, once I relaxed and let that restless feeling go.
I did have a friend I went early on to things with, she also had a young son.
Children under 5 yoa are seriously harmed by separation from mommy, ie day care. Don't go there.
clean, take care of kids, stay at home
Well, let me think back. I took my child to the park frequently and to visit her little friends. We didn't have a play group persay but my friends and I had babies at the same time so she got to visit with them regularly and when their moms went back to work I babysat for them all. My daughter had a library card from the time she was 8 months old because I was trying to find things to do with her. I didn't start babysitting till she was about 1 year old. We did play a lot and I took her for walks everyday around my neighborhood. This was a long time ago she is 15 now and I have worked since she was 2 1/2 but the first 2 1/2 years of her life I wouldn't have traded for anything because I got to be with her always and raise her the way I wanted to
Well, there are a lot of things you can do! You can tidy your house and make it a place where you love to live, such as making sure things are put away, maybe do some redecorating and painting, cook fun little snacks for you and your family. If possible, you could maybe have someone watch your son for an hour or so each day and go for a walk around your neighborhood to enjoy beautiful days. If you live in a neighborhood or have many neighbors, possibly have a weekly get together to talk about books, gossip, etc. with some coffee. There are many things to do as a mom! But don't underestimate the job title: Mom. Remember that this is one of the most important jobs out there and that you want to be the best mom you can be to your son. Enjoy the time you have with your son and have fun while teaching the new world to him!
Swap with me for ONE day PLEASE !
Have you talked it over with your husband and let him know your feelings?
You are getting in a rut, you need to join a gym, go to the library and take your son with you! Plan one activity each week, there are LOTS of things for you to do.
Contact your local hospital or nursing home and volunteer !
You need to feel needed !
I would clean, do a load of dishes and laundry and then when it was nice I would take my son to the park, or go downtown with him in his stroller and go shopping at my favorite thrift and consignment stores. I took him to playgroups so I could get together with other moms. If you attend church ask the pastor about making an annountment about a mother/child group. I'm sure there are other SAHMs that would like to get together for coffee. Also ask them about having a group at the church.
You can take your child out on the town! You can go to the zoo for free (you only have to pay for parking), muesum to teach him things (free on Tuesdays), the park (they love to run around), even the McDonalds playpen keeps they entertained.
If you want to stay inside you can play with him. A 1 year old will play with anything but you can play with blocks, read books to him, chase them, sign to them etc.
Have some fun!
5am-get hubby up
6am-cook for the kids (14,15,16)
7am-get boys up
8am-take them to school
8:30am-clean up kitchen
9am-workout
11am-run errands after workout
12pm-eat fruit, make pillows,blankets,clothes(its what i do n sell)(have my own 187WEAR cloth'n line)
12:30pm-do more crunches
1pm-check fan mail, do online work
2pm-hubby comes home
3pm go get boys, go to appointments(PT)
4pm go to store
4:30 start dinner n help with any homework
6pm get boys organized for showers n whatever
7pm clean up (im a neat freak)
8pm spend time wit da man n kids
shower
11-12am go to bed
Look into what the YMCA/YWCA offers during the day. There's a lot of children's activities offered and you will no doubt meet other moms in the same boat. You are bored stiff and not doing anything to stimulate yourself or your child, in my opinion. Get out and take a stroll with your child, go the the library--they have story time. Look in the newspaper for things that are going on. You need to be doing things with your child, like some mild exercises (stretching, marching, sit ups, jumping jacks, etc.), reading and singing to him, teaching him shapes, animals, counting, alphabet, art. You need to change your mindset. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but get dressed and get out of the house. You'll probably meet new friends. You may need to sign up for a continuing education course or something like painting at the community college so you do something for yourself. Best wishes.
Start an at home buisness or begin taking college classes online. Throw lunch parties for other women or SAHMs.
I know you love your kid, but let's face it, our personalities don't disappear when the babies are born, and right now you are bored and understimulated. You need to find something to do that excites you and reminds you who you are besides just being somebody's mom. Babies are not good companions for adults - you need a social life again.
Perhaps you should consider going back to work part time. You can pay for daycare or trade with another mom, or become a host at a restaurant in the evenings when your husband is home to take care of the kid.
If you don't start doing something to take care of your needs, you're just going to get depressed.
Why are you a SAHM if it's not what makes you happy?
take care of my baby
I am not a stay at home mom and I don't plan to be... ever. So I really understand how you're feeling. Being a full time mom can be exhausting, and there's few people willing to tell you that you deserve your own time and activities too.
It is good that you can afford not to work, but that does not mean you have to do nothing. What are you interested in? Maybe learning something? Crafts? Languages? Volunteering? You might be able to leave your child for only two or three hours a week in order to go to classes or somewhere else. That won't change your baby's life but will improve yours tremendously. You'll be able to interact with people from another point of view and have new interests and you'll come home feeling better.
What about walking around your town? I don't know where you live, if you are used to walking or if the weather would allow it, but you could take the baby with you and distract yourself. Also, it's great exercise.
Do you enjoy books? If so: www.bookcrossing.com is paradise.
Dancing? Playing some music everyday to dance along with your child can make your mood a lot better.
There's a question you could ask yourself: where do you want your life to go? What can you do to make it so? What are you curious about?
Happy discovering.
I completely understand. I have 3 kids and I have been a stay at home mom for 9 years.There are no standards, no one is perfect!
Yes, it is hard and yes, it does get lonely.It feels repetitive; cleaning, cooking... It helps to have friends you can visit, or even talk on the phone to.
You can take your son out to play, you can read books,you can play with toys, but don't feel bad if you need your space.
I know my local library has play groups and stuff. Call around to see what you can come up with. Maybe call a school or pre-school center to get more info.Or maybe join a group of some sort just for you, or make a standing date with a friend to go out walking or for coffee, when daddy is home or when someone can watch your son for you.Find a hobby you like.Also, look for a job if you feel that's what you need.
I know it does sometimes feel like you are stuck, but don't ever think you are not doing anything important. This is the most important and hard job there is!!
It does get easier as they get older, but try to enjoy it as much as you can because they grow up too fast!(my baby is already 3!!)
Good luck and hang in there!!
Don't beat yourself up. I was in the same boat as you. My kids are 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 and I am just not the stay-at-home type. I listen to other mothers who do all these crafts and games, and songs and playgroups, and all these good things with their kids.
The one thing I do feel I do right is we do sing dance and read everyday... and try to get to the park everyday, but since the weather has been cold, we've only gone once a week to the library.
So we decided to look for part-time work, and now that I'm looking, I'm wishing I would have opted to just stay home. but really in my heart, I know it's best for my kids to be in daycare, where they would get so much more activity and learning (they are at that age anyway)
So don't beat yourself up. You're not alone feeling like that. You'll find what works for you - and it will be fine.
Oh yea and I don't do much housework, but I cook and cook too much! It works for my family - hubby does housework, I do laundry, and he never has to change a diaper. so you'll find what works for you!
Let's face it - most people don't accomplish anything of any lasting significance at their jobs. Getting the feeling that you are accomplishing something only because you are in college or at a job means you need external validation. Being a good mom and slowing yourself down to your son's pace will be good for you in becoming self-validating.
Strongly consider postponing college for about 5 years. In the first few years of life, more than 10 hours a week away from mom has strongly negative impacts on a child's social, intellectual, emotional, and physical development. You can learn lots of things without leaving your child alone and making him suffer.
For other moms, keep in mind that nursing your child really helps in being a stay-home mom, because nursing produces a hormone in the mom, oxytocin, that produces strong feelings of satisfaction and nurturing.
LOL i dont even know where to start this page isnt long enough lets just say its a never ending ! try finding yourself a hobby workout try to find things to with your son even if its a walk in the park visit family during the day enjoy it while you can because they grow up so fast you will miss this time you have! good luck
I am a stay at home mother as well, and I know what you mean at first I felt the same way that you did, I loved to work and loved keeping busy but I had a horrible experience with a daycare, where my son was being mistreated and once hubby and I found out he demanded my son be pulled from the daycare, I had made the decision to quit my job because we are more then financially stable and my income was just extra money that we were putting into a college fund for our son. Now I usually get up around 8 or so and let my son sleep in, I get all of my housework done then and take some time to myself before my little one gets up. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I take my son to a playgroup where he gets to be around other kids and us other mommy's get to chat a bit. I don't mind the cleaning, in fact I am kind of a neat freak lol. Now cooking on the other hand I don't much care to do that hubby loves to cook so I leave that to him he doesn't mind at all. But I do the laundry, scrub the floors, and so on and so on, but I do all of that while my son is either still sleeping in the morning or while he is down for his nap in the afternoon. Sometimes I come on here and work on some things on the computer. I am currently working on teaching my son sign language because I feel that it would be something nice for him to learn that he could use his whole life and it is nice because I am learning as well, so it is a neat thing that both mommy and baby can do together. Best of luck to you. Take care and have a great day hun
Being a stay at home Mom is the most important job you will ever hold. The rewards that you get will be the best ones you will ever earn. I have 29,28,24 and now a 16 month old no I didn't give birth to her but for sad reasons I am now a stay at home Grandmother. with 2 children close in age it was easy to get a routine down as we spent a lot of time playing learning games. as they got old I invested in crafts and the kids and I made things then on the week-ends we set up booths at flee markets and sold them and the Father was glad to go along and help out and spend time with us. That made up for the money I lost not working. I quit may job when baby came to live with me I did not want her raised in daycare.
If you have a house with a yard plant a garden (NO not this time of year) or just plant flowers that will get you outside doing things.
People that put you down for being a stay at home Mom should not do this. It is ones choice whether to stay home or not stay home. I get tired of hearing how woman get a job and help there husband out. If you stop to think about all the cost involved in the woman working with car up keep gas to and from work childcare and just missing all the school activities with your children.
I do however feel that being a stay at home mom is not for ever woman. And not every husband wants a stay at home wife. My husband is happy to have me home with baby but his house is always clean and now we eat at home again before when we got off work we was to tired to come home and cook. I do also now do a party plan 1 night aweek that more than makes up for the income I lost and Grandpa stays home with baby. So you could do that and let Dad stay home.
What ever you do don't let people make you feel bad.
I know exatly how you feel. I moved 4 provinces away from home to follow my husbands work we lived ther for 2 years. Durring that time we had our first child. My husband worked away from home and I hardly ever saw him (I was very lonely - I had my son but no other adults to talkto other than family over the phone) Since then we've moved back HOME, where we now have another child and bought our first house living happily and seeing my husband everyday. :)
While I was there (lonely town) I didn't do much, I had no visiters and no one to visit! I went for walks just to get out of the house adn rented alot of movies. Played with my son ALOT!
I guess I would say enjoy his childhood it goes by fast. Teach him alot. and Congradulations. I hope you won't be lonely for long!
It sucks! I'm glad to be HOME!!
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