Is it ok for my 19 y/o daughter to have a boy in her bedroom at 5 am to "talk". I (64) slept thru it all.
Answer:
I certainly don't think so. My father would NEVER have allowed this to happen... I wasn't allowed to have boys in my bedroom no matter WHAT time of day it was (I'm not that old, either, only 28). If boys were over they were in the family areas and they weren't over until 5 am (doesn't he have parents and a curfew? What kind of parents let their kid stay out until 5 am? I had a curfew of 12 pm until I moved out of the house).
Regardless, it is YOUR house and you are the parent so whatever you say goes. If she doesn't like it, she is old enough to pay her own way in the world. Just becuase it is "common" at college DOES NOT mean you have to tolerate that sort of behavior in your own home.
To the person who thinks that many of us who think this is bad did not go to college: WRONG. I did my time and ALWAYS followed my parents rules when I was home on break or when I was living at home while attending school. That is the price you pay for having a free roof, food, and schooling.
I don't care if she is 59, it is still YOUR house. If you don't like it, then you have the right to put your foot down. What she does outside of the home is up to her...she is afterall an adult. But, in your home, she plays by your rules.
Probably not what they are doing but nothing you can do when she is in college. But you do make the rules in your own home. So put your foot down.
it could be all innocent but i bet more went on then just talking.
Is it? Its YOUR house and YOUR rules!!
Hmm, well, that definitely sounds pretty suspicious. I mean, at 5 AM? You should try to observe your daughter and the boy she was 'talking' to next time to try to judge whether or not anything's going on, and you should definitely try to talk to her more. It is true that she is an adult now, and what she does is her own business, but like the person said before me, it's still your house, and you as a parent have a right to try to guide your children throughout life. And I wouldn't count on you sleeping through it as a sign that it was just conversation that went on between the two; people can be discreet, and you might be a heavy sleeper. But on the other hand, your daughter could be telling the truth. You just never know, so I really suggest that you talk to her about it.
If you don't think it's okay for it to happen in your house, it isn't okay.
If you don't want to be on here in a few months asking question about being a Grandmother, I wouldn't allow it. It could be completely innocent and that may be her every intension but hormones and emotions can take over and make her desicions for her...been there, done that and have a little boy to prove it!
Dude, put your foot down. Or your just going to be pussywhipped.
You have to tell her that 5 a.m. visits from her friends may be
accepted at college(?)but not in your house even if you're sleeping. It's not asking too much for her friends to stop by during
the daylight hours like normal people. Besides,you don't know this
boy even if she does,for all you know it may not be safe for him
to come by and "visit" in the early hours.
In Her Bedroom?
No its Not.
If they want to talk they should be in a more public area like the kitchen at the table, the bedroom is more private but also
invites intimacy. If she doesn't want a family right away she should be a little more careful.
I was a 19 year old Mom
don't ask us, you make the call! when i was in college, my parents made it very clear to me, that, regardless of what i did in my dorm room, i had to abide by THEIR rules when i was in THEIR house.
I think that's entirely normal.
I suspect a lot of the "OMG! That's awful!" answerers did not experience much by way of post-secondary education. 5am might as well be 5pm for many students.
At nineteen, she's not a kid, too. I'd also imagine she's going to behave better in your house than she might while at school.
If you wouldn't have been bothered by it if it was a girl, then -- don't worry about it.
Of course, 'your house, your rules.' But if you have a good relationship with your daughter and like it that way, why make a fuss? They clearly were not, say, making a lot of noise or otherwise creating problems for you.
No, it's your house and that is totally unacceptable. She is not the adult. You tell her absolutely no that is not ok!
Ask her by whose standards and remind her that the standards of your house don't allow for this. I would then question the boy on what kind of respect he has for your daughter and for you to be in your house at that time of the night/day just for a "social" visit. It's inappropriate at any age and your daughter should be ashamed of herself for not telling him to that he should respect your house.
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