Whats the best way to discipline children with behavioral problems?
Answer:
First thing to remember, you cannot control or change your child's behaviour. Second, learn to compromise with your children. Third, love them unconditionally. Fourth, physical discipline is never effective. Fifth, treat them like human beings, and show them respect.
Alright... examples...
The problem with children, they negatively feed each other. The best thing to do, is keep them as best seperated as you can. I do not know the age of the children, but instead of attempting to control them, is there a state of responsibility that can be attained. Just because a mental issue has not been established, it does not mean they do not suffer from some form of conduct disorder, or oppositional conduct disorder. This is literally definance to authority.
Responses...
Sally you can't do this on your own, you'll make a mess, let me do it.
Maxwell, you don't know what you're doing, don't you listen?
Johnathon, is there something wrong with you, why are you doing this to mom?
Without knowing the age range of the children, whether both parents are present, or the immediate circumstances, it's difficult to offer advice for a specific situation. The first thing you need to ask yourself, "What of my behaviour may be failing them to a point that they would do this me?". Next questions, "What could I be doing differently that would turn this situation into something positive?".
Example...
I have two daughters, My wife and I are struggling with them. They are the terrible two, aged 7 and 11 (both have Conduct Disorders, ADD, Oppositional Conduct Disorder, and multiple behavioural issues). Anyways...
Tonight, the youngest got hopped on sugar from a friend while she was outside playing, came inside, and thought it was best to start doing cartwheels, handstands, and running all around the house like a chicken with her head cutoff. I'm actually at this point in time, on the phone with my wife attempting to work through the solution. Anyways... it's bedtime, neither of the girls wanted to sleep, and so of course were in their room jumping on their beds, causing a ruckus. Sooo... obviously, there needs to be some way to help the girls get rid of all this energy in a constructive way, so they can sleep.
When children act up, they're usually not getting attention... something else to remember, "Negative attention is better than no attention!". And a child will obviously act up, as they know this gets your attention, regardless of the consequences that may ensue.
First thing we try... Seperate them, and initate a voluntary time out. These were explained to the girls, when they feel as though they can't control themselves, or that they have too much energy, and just don't know what to do, they take a few deep breaths and remove themselves from the situation. Of course, with siblings, this is not always the easiest thing to do for young children, as they tend to get caught up in the moment. For that matter, adults have a hard enough time knowing when to take a step back. Soooo... voluntary is the critical thing here, this helps them start to learn self-control, and is not seen as punishment. This is a me time, and helps establish personal space, and recognition of boundaries. Oddly... my wife and I adopt this when we know we're going to react to a situtaion and are flustered, we'll each take a time out, and then deal with the children so we don't do something we'll regret.
Bedtimes, are the worst... there are plenty of nights when we've had to take the girls to the park and run around in PJ's, suit them up on cold nights, and run around with them until I often ended up having to fireman carry one or both of them home. Unfortunately as they're getting older it's not easy to do that anymore.
During the day... afterschool, in warmer months, walks were manditory as the schools would often dope the children up on sugar just before they would come home. Thanks Kidstop... anyway... Walks would also permit time at parks, nature, flying kites, and sometimes just sitting in quiet fields with the girls staring at clouds. Exercising their imagination while spending quality bonding time, that doesn't cost anything other than time. Time is one of the greatest things you can give your children.
Other things... an exercise program... situps, running... start out small, 1/4 mile... if you can, take the children one at a time. Even if it's just walk, but we all need exercise. You'll likely find your children are faster than you, but that's alright. Do this on a quiet street obviously... Running laps is never as fun, but track running also works if you live in a busy neighbourhood.
You don't need dumbells, soup cans work well... you can do various arm exercises shoulder lifts, arm extenstions, and other simple exercises... as they get stronger, you can start working on endurance exercises, once they can't do an exercise with the heavy soup can, downsize to maybe a can of tomatoe paste and have them repeat the exercises. This can also create a little bit of healthy competition in the children as they all want to do things better than each other... Keep a chart, to track their progress. Kids like to see how they're doing. Pushups also work well... differentiate between female, and proper if they are incapable of doing full pushups...
Chores... you'd be surprised, they are fully capable of helping fold laundry, cleaning their rooms, alarm clocks help with rough mornings, teaching them starts to give them a sense of belonging... again I don't know age, but can they help you cook? Remember, no sense crying over spilt milk, and an egg on the floor won't end the world. Supervise... they need to learn these things sometime. This helps with two parents, and again working with them either one at a time, and for certain things, two at a time... Grilled cheese sandwiches, baking cookies, making pancakes, omlettes, and basic lunch sandwiches. Every child should know how to make a peanut butter and jelly, or banana sandwich. Have them help clean the kitchen... Most of all stick to a plan. Enable them, don't cripple them...
When children often show signs of being completely inept, parents take over. Taking over causes the children to become dependent on you, next thing you know they're 30 years old, and can't tie their laces. Teach them, you'll be doing yourself a world of good, and them.
Another example... learning to compromise.
My wife was attempting to go to the store, but the youngest didn't want to put on her coat, claiming she was too hot, and didn't need it. The older sister was instigating. First thing, was ask the instigator to take recognition of the negativity she was feeding her younger sister, that this was delaying our departure, did not show respect to anyone involved, and was inappropriate. Voluntary timeout, permitted the oldest to calm herself down, while letting the little one continue to voice her disdain for putting on her coat. Compromise... She did not have to put her coat on, but she had to take it with her, so that in the event that she did get cold, she would have it with her, but recognizing that she may actually be hot and bothered. In this instant, both my wife, and our youngest's needs are met... my wife got to get her shopping done, and the little one didn't have to put on her coat, but she had it with her.
Situations, are nothing more than an opportunity to explore things in a manner that can become beneficial. If they have problems, reocognize them, help the child recognize what's wrong, and then work within the limitations. If a child cannot control themselves, they will generally know. Family meetings... establish a time when you can all discuss what you think are the issues that are going wrong, and what might help them go right. Have all the children take turns discussing what might be bothering them. Help them learn to voice themselves, but constructively...
I will never forget, when the counsellor suggested a new form of discipline, two days into the new schedule, the little one firmly voices, "This new rule isn't working for me, it just isn't working, we need to try something different!"... Voluntary Time outs then suggested, not by us, but by the youngest, and refined by us (explained briefly above). This works very well... it may not work for you, but the kids likely know what will work for them. If they each need something different, and they just might, it's going to take a lot of talks. Get to know your children...
Another example of a problem...
A child is fussing about showing little interest in getting ready, doing everything they can to delay a departure, and not doing what you're are asking them to do. Show your child respect by meeting them at eye level... something along the lines of... "I understand that you do not want to get ready to go, and would much rather be playing, or doing something you would like to do. But, I have some things that need to get done, and I cannot leave you here. However, when we get home, I will do something with you that you want to do." This could be something like playing a board game with them... reading with them, etc... Positive association. Life is about compromising with other people, not forcing them do things they don't want to do. Children have needs as well, as you do. Treat them with respect, and they'll more than likely be happy to reciprocate it in time. Nothing happens instantaneously... we have been working on this for almost a year, with some progress... We're still ironing out the problems, but these things have helped make things at least tolerable.
Family discussions also get them into a mode of being able to talk with you when there's a problem. Not everything needs to be discussed in the open, and it should be presented that children can express themselves on an individual basis with you at another time. Children often have some great ideas for fixing some of the most troublesome of family problems, involve them. For all you know, it's actually your behaviour that is causing their disobedience. ;)
you need to blister some butt...
my son is not even 2 yet, so when he acts up in public we just leave. I don't think there is anything wrong with a quick spat on the butt to get their attention. But I know alot of people get their panties in a bunch about that, so that would be up to you.
Show them that their behavior isn't acceptable and won't go unpunished. Start by taking away T.V., computer, phone, etc until they start behaving.
But make sure that you tell them when they're doing well also, and you can give small rewards for certain amounts of time they don't act up for.
I had only one child so it was real easy I did the time out. If he behaved badly in public I would not take him the next time (that meant I had to get a sitter as I was a single parent) that took care of the problem most of the time. Also I had no problem leaving the cart and leaving a store. If in a restaurant I would have food packed up and pay and leave as not only was his misbehavior hard on me but it is not fair to the other diners.
I don't kno about discipline but if your there equal or close to it then retaliate, get under there skin and really annoy them. they will probably realize how idiotic they've been and stop
Okay, this is a technique that works quite well.
When you spot they do something bad, you point it out to them and tell them that it is bad. Then you beat the hell out of them for good measure.
When they are being bad, you just need to tell them to stop. You need to count 1,2,3. When you get to three, you need to take stuff away like phone, PC, t.v, ect. If it gets worse then you ground them for 3 days, meaning no friends, no phone, no computer, and no video games. If it gets worse, you need to take away birthday parties, 1 good christmas present, ect. Hope that helps.
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