To have kids... or to not have kids. That is the question.?
Answer:
Wow - big question.
Personally, I would say that you sound pretty wise and sorted.
a) You should not try to persuade him to have your kids
b) Risking having a child with him, and then be left as a single mum with no father for your kids would be awful.
I think you're more than young enough to fall for someone else who wants kids as much as you do. I would sit down with your partner and explain to him that you want kids and that a relationship without them as a future option would not be worth it for you. Give him some time to think about it but be firm and explain that you will definitely leave if he comes back to you and says he doesn't want them.
You do need to make sure he knows that you won't be angry with him if he decides not to have kids and thus ends the relationship. Having kids is a huge decision and it really isn't everyone's cup of tea, so you need to be sensitive and supportive to your partner if he can't contemplate the idea.
But ultimately, you've got to look after number one - and if your priority is to have kids (as it is for so many of us!) then you've got to pursue your dream.
Good luck!
It depends on you. Is this a deal breaker for you? Are you absolutely certain that you want to have children? If you do, and he doesn't, then you should split up with him and be with someone that has the same interests that you do.
To think so, or not to think so, that is the basic question!
Try counseling. But in my opinion, EVERY woman should be able to experience giving birth. It is the most beautiful (although painful) experience you will ever endure.
I would get out of the relationship, if having childrn is really important ot you and he doesnt want any at all, that is way too big of a diffence in opinion!!
Sounds like you KNOW the answer already....
I'm all for you finding someone that thinks you are so wonderful he wants MORE of you..
Blessings!
If you really want children and he doesnt then its never going to work
sounds like he's not THE ONE
don make BIG mistakes
u r still young enough to find THE ONE
if u look around the house often n feel someone's missin then kids r right for u
don waste anymore time.
be one
A difficult situation. IF he doesn't want children then you will have to respect that. IF you want children and he doesn't you will have to find another partner.
I am sure you can find common ground if you communicate and tell him how much you feel about this.
You need to first ask yourself how important it is to you to have kids.
If he responded to your question that it is a stupid question, then I think he's pretty much let you know that he doesn't see children in his future.
Do some soul searching, answer that question I first mentioned, and if you find that your answer is yes..you need to move on. I think your feelings are right that you don't want to pressure him into having kids, it will not benefit anyone involved, including a child.
Good luck.
hmm.. thats tought.. i think that if you really want to have a child and he doesnt that you should move on. your only 24, you will find someone else out there. being in a relationship is about love and sacrafice and willing to work through things. he shouldnt of said that it was a stupid question, thats very rude and not very caring. good luck hun
He's 36 he's been "free" from obligation and responsibility too long.if you are serious about wanting children...you need to find someone else that shares your enthusiasm.
I'm 44...my kids are grown and the grandkids rarely come around...I have grown accustomed to having kids around and I want more.but the wife says no ...at least until I can get pregnant.
This is a very important issue, in fact one that might determine your overall compatibility with one another. It sounds that you might want to consider finding another partner that feels the same way you do about having children, otherwise the fears you expressed about having to raise kids alone might come true.
That's a big issue. You can't have a baby and not have a baby at the same time. If you really want a baby and he doesn't find a man that is interested in having a baby and will commit to marriage first. Best of luck.
If you really want children as much as you do then unless he changes his mind i think you might have to move on.Unfotunatley this is not a subject you can compromise on.You either both do or both don't.I don't believe in having to give people ultimatums but this sounds like one of those instances where you might have to.
First thing you should do is get to the bottom of why he doesn't want them.If you can help him overcome that then hopefully you can both sort this out. If not then you will have to put yourself first and go from there.
Wish you guys the best of luck..
It wasn't a stupid question at all. If you love someone and see yourself spending the rest of your life with them than its obvious that the question of kids would come up. You need to work out if it's worth staying with him if you really see kids in your future because it sounds like he doesn't. Kids can make or break a relationship. If you think you can live the rest of your life with him without kids then you've no problem, as long as you properly discuss it together. My partner was adamant no more kids but i fell pregnant and this caused a huge rift but we spoke about it and he stood by me and now he's the doting dad. He has his moments when he makes comments that he didn't want another child but he loves his son. Sit down, talk to one another
Sounds like you really want a family, sounds like he doesn't. Do you want your kids' father not loving them unconditionally or resenting them and you for the rest of your lives? Children deserve a loving father who wants and needs them and you deserve a loving partner who has the same goals and aspirations that you have. Think twice before committing to him, sounds like you may regret it down the line.
I could be a problem for you. You're not wrong to want children, but he's not wrong to NOT want them, either. If you can't reach a compromise, then it may be time to move on. Better that than you have them and he resents you, or you don't and you resent him. Of course, he may change his tune once it's done. Definitely don't trick him into it, though, because that would cause problems, too.
you need to get and answer from him about children. by saying that it is a stupid question he is avoiding the subject. Instead of asking a vague question about seeing room for kids in the future ask a more direct question like what would your reaction be it i became pregnant next week. You need to decide, that if you want kids and he doesn't, will you stay with him or go find someone else. I wouldn't get pregnant without a firm idea of what his reaction will be.
You have a vision of children in your future and to him that vision is, "A stupid question." You are relatively young and have your whole life ahead of you. You will probably never want to give up the idea of children. As you become older, you will probably want children even more if you do not have them.
In my opinion, this will be a huge issue between you and this guy. The good news is, you can be your own person and seek your own vision of happiness. You can find someone who shares your vision and who will be equally as happy with the idea of children.
Best of luck.
-BD
It certainly isn't a "stupid question". This is something you two should be able to talk about. What's stupid is that he doesn't understand that this is an important matter for you. This is something you should think about, in my opinion, do you want to be with someone who whenever you want to talk about something important to you instantly dismisses it and says "it's stupid". I tell you, I wouldn't like to be in a relationship like that. Anyway, the first step that I see is to get him to talk about it and find a solution. Obviously, if you want children and he doesn't then it's a big problem and you should find someone who wants the same things as you, so you can feel happy and see your dreams come true.
It is quite normal for a preferably married couple to have kids.
You should discuss with your partner again to find out why he objects to having children.
I can tell you that I was free & easy with loads of different girlfriends before I settled down with my wife & raised a familly but having kids changed my life for the better.
It is a wonderful experience & I feel sad for what you & your partner are missing.
You know it is quite normal for a couple to make children together
He will come round especially if he truly loves & respects you.
Good luck & happy babies
u have to explain to him that u want children and how u feel if he really does not want kids waiting for him will not work out because he never will, i know u love him but if having a family is important u have to think about leaving him
that is a big issue. if you want children and he absolutely won't budge on the idea then you should think about if you would be happy changing your position and not having children. it does seem like a huge difference to overcome.
u gotta ask ur wife tht not us.
If you want children and you didn't because your partner didn't i think eventually you would resent him 4 it, If he doesn't and you do it is not worth staying 2gether, find someone that does, having kids is 2 big of part of someones life 2 miss out on. But if u love him enough 2 miss out on having them, u need 2 b prepared 4 alot of heartache. Good luck with your decision x
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