What to do about a note I found in my sons pocket?
I NEVER said that ! We are pretty laid back parents, & dont have problems w/him. He does have chores (dishes, trash) When he asked to go, even tho I think he is a bit too young, I said sure, but he would need to go in a group & do some extra chores to earn the money, because if he is "dating", I'm not handing him free money. (We arent rich& I thinkhe should earn it) I said it nicely & he wasnt upset. SO, why is he telling his freinds we are mean? Should I leave the note w/his other pocket stuff, confront him, what? (He will know I saw it)
Answer:
I would say he didn't send it or give it to her because it was in his pocket when you washed it.He wouldn't have got the note back, She would have kept it or dumped it.Meaning he re-thought what he wrote. Toss the note in the trash He probably forgotten all about it (He was just verbablizing his feelings at the time.To work sucks you know but we all have to do it.
I would sit down later date not saying any thing about the note and explain son you know we are not rich. I just feel as a family we all need to participate in the chores and teach you that money does not grow on trees. I want you to feel proud that you earned it. I know at the time your doing the chores it must be a real bummer hard work.. But after you receive that money I am so proud of you and I bet you are proud too because You earned it yourself. I bet when you use that money your more careful on how you spend it.
I never handed my son free money growing up. He did chores because he was part of a family.
He now states at 27 he glad because he knows how to budget and the value of a dollar and is a district manger for a big change because he learned these valuable lessons at a young age.
When he was in high school he earned all his money for extra activities he worked all summer kept grades up and was on the football team.
Kids say things like this about all parents there just being kids don't take it personal. Think back about your own parents when they were teaching you this same lesson.
Hugs Diane
maybe he doesn't really want to go, and that was his excuse.
well first he should already wash his own clothes
so his snooping mother doesnt knows
well stop stealing and peeling the flowsrs
im 15 and my parents found alot of notes i wrote... but to me of course your child is going to say that because thats how we all are when were teens cuz we always think are parents are out to get us in such ways... but atleast be glad he wasnt saying anything worse!
Tell him and set ground rules and make him do the things that he said then he will think twice bout sayin that stupid crap, and he is just doing it for attention trust me
Its the nature of teenagers and tweens to think their parents are the most horrible terrible mean uncaring people alive.
While its an all out lie, it is totally to be expected.
I still wouldnt allow it.
And as his mother, you have every right, and actually should be snooping around to know what he's doing. Thats what responsible parents do. Children hide things, like drugs, plans, and mistakes, its your job to protect them and be part of their lives. He's in 7th grade for cripes sake... he doesnt even have a real life beyond his parents.
He may not be lying to his friends, that could just be the way that he interpreted it. You could have said it in a way that he perceived as mean or bossy. Did you tell him why he needed to do extra chores? Because you didnt want him to get "free money"? If you did then maybe just sit down with him and let him voice his concerns. Communicating is always the best source.
He is just saying that to fit in. I wouldn't confront him. He is just trying to look tough for his gal.
No matter what you do, he will tell his friends that you are mean. It is one of the unwritten teenage codes of conduct. In fact, if he was telling his friends that you are nice, and all of his friends think you are cool, then you obviously wouldn't be doing your job as a parent!
Just leave the note with his stuff. Maybe he will feel guilty, though he will continue to exaggerate how "mean" his parents are. It is like a contest for teenagers, "Who has the meanest parents?"
Ignore it and try to forget it. Confronting him will not help. Try to understand him and talk to him in general about his feelings, relationship to the family. Maybe after some talks he speaks up and tell his deeper thoughts.
He is just young and trying to sound tough for his friends I wouldnt worrie about it to much.
he probely didnt want to go to the movies with that gurl then
I wouldn't stress to much about it.maybe he just told her that because he doesn't want to go out with her...that's the easy way of letting her down.blaming you guys...Don't stress..and don't front him about it..he's what 12 or 13..if you know he's a good kid.leave it alone..
Let it go, when you're that age nothing and no one is "fair" to them. He's a typical normal kid, and he needs to be allowed some privacy and freedoms to express himself. Let it go. Think of it this way, in 5 years will this matter? He will mature in his own time. Confronting him will add fuel to his fire that you're unfair. Let him be.
Confront your son. If you have a good relationship with your son, you guys can talk this out. He loves you, so he'll listen. You need to listen too, if you're going to give advice.
i would confront him about it!! it may just be that he didnt want to go so he was telling his friends that... but i would defintally confront him and sit him down and tell him some stories that u kno of where kids was actually tooken away from there parents... and tell him that if someone such as a teacher would have found that note he could have been tooken away from you... and tell him that you love him... because if he is in 7th grade i think he is old enought to kno the truth of what could happen! thats my opion some other people may not agree
What I did, is hide the note, say nothing. When He is about 21 show it to him and you will all hace a laught.
Don't worry about it, as long as he is a good kid. He has to act like he doesn't like you, its his age. He would look like a nerd if he didn't dis his parents to his friends ONCE in a while.
i think you should talk to him, but be nice. you know, like "Do you really think we're that mean? i have a reason for making you do chores." something like that...im not sure though..but thats what i woudl do.
Tape it to the refrigerator door and watch him sweat. By the way, if he is that immature, he's too young to be dating.
Don't get confused on the issues here. What he wrote is far more important than any accusations of snooping. If he does accuse you of that, (and he probably will), he is just trying to divert the issue to blaming you for something he did. You'll probably have a scene on your hands (aren't teenage boys wonderful at drama?) and you may have it more than once. The issue is did he mean what he wrote? Was he trying to be the "big man", or does he have resentments you don't know about. You'll probably have to tell him that when he is ready, you and your hubby need to discuss this note with him.THEN..you can discuss whether you were snooping or not. But don't let him bully you into not discussing it. Don't make it punitive, but communication between you, especially given his age, is too important to blow off.
I would ask him if that is how he really feels or if he just didn't want to go?
My children had permission to use me as an excuse not to go. "Mom said I couldn't" but i made it clear that I did not want to be slandered. and yes now would be a good time to explain the concept of slander and liable.
Ignore it, he's not out to get you, at least not yet. It's just a stupid note that that if you didn't find you wouldn't have known any different and go on with life as it was before so do just that because its no big deal.
Maybe you sould give him something, or maybe ask him if he wants t invite his girlfriend over or somthing.
Maybe he hates earning the money back to you and that's why he said you guys are mean and that you suck! I hate doing chores and i would have said the same thing!:)
you are his parents and his friends will probably talk amongst themselves about all their parents like this,,he is gaining Independence and with that comes fault finding with mum and dad who lets face it,,can do no right,,they have little else to moan about and unfortunately,,you and dad are it right now.ignore the note,,i doubt it really means anything,,it is just exchanging views with friends.saying,"my mum and dad are pretty cool" wont gain him much in the way of respect with his moaning mates will it.when he is out he is 'him' but when he is home,,he is still your son,,loveliness and all,just dont tell his mates that and all will work out.
I said a few things I regret to my mother when I was about the same age. I think she did the right thing and just let it slide because eventually when my mind was mature enough to realize all the mean things I had said in the end it made me want to show my mother how much I really do love her.
In this instance, I wouldn't confront him about the note otherwise he will most likely just write another one saying how much you F###ing suck because you read his note. Just let it slide it's all part of growing up he will realize who is really there for him in a few years and you guys will have an amazing relationship trust me!
He was probably looking forward to his first big 'romantic' date with his girl and was way too embarrassed to tell her he would have to go in a group.
They maybe had plans of kissing in the back row and it's been ok with her parents but not you. At his age it's easier to make out the chores are what stopped him rather than admit he isn't 'grown up' enough in your eyes for a one on one date.
If you are getting what you want by him not going out on a proper date with his girl I would just ignore the note and be glad youre getting your way, no matter how you get it. You now the truth as does he, being ecconomical with it to his peers is normal teenaged behaiour.
Karma.
x
He's a pre-teen... you are the bad guys in a teenagers eyes. Don't worry, he's just talking the talk with his friends. I'm sure he'll do the chores needed to gain himself the priviliges he desires... stay strong... you're doing the right thing.
Dont confront him, just put it with his other things.
I think that you just hand him the note with all his other pocket stuff. (Maybe depending on the kind of relationship you have with your son) Let him know that you read it and explain to him that if he doesn't want to go to th movies with this girl that he should be honest with her and turn her down politely instead of making things up.
It is never too early to teach a boy how to be a man.
If you guys don't have the greatest relationship, I would just hand him the note with his other pocket stuff and leave it at that. He will probably assume that either you read and that you aren't going to freak out. OR that you didn't read and that he can trust you.
Either way I really don't think making a big deal about it is going to solve anything. He is a boy in grade 7 and children do tend to exaggerate.
Good for you for teaching your son the value of a dollat instead of just handing it over to him.
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