My 6 year old is ungrateful and looks for things to complain about??!!?
I have given him 5 pieces of licorice and he of course says, "but Mom, I wanted 6 pieces." I told him, "if I gave you 6 pieces, then you would have wanted 7." He replied, "I know that."
This is not how I want to raise my child. I know he is young but I think he needs to learn to be grateful for the things we do have and the things he is already given, instead of looking for things to complain about or wanting more than what he is given.
What to do to change any of this? If I so much as ask him to start brushing his teeth before his brother, it's always, "but howcome NATHAN doesn't have to brush his teeth?" even though I plan to have Nathan start later on when he is done, it's always something like that.
Answer:
At six yrs old they should learn to accept the answer,
"because I am your mom, and because I told you to."
That's it. That is all they need to know. If you give explanations at this age they will learn to negotiate when they should just be learning to listen, period. When he complains about what you have given him tell him that the blue plate is just fine, or 6 peices of licorice is plenty. Give him a warning that if he complains about it then he doesn't need to have any licorice. This kind of attitude could evolve into something much bigger and possibly harmful to him later in life. We went through all that with our 6 year old. We learned that he had to many things given to him and that he hadn't learned to appreciate anything. Once we quit giving everything to him, he started to appreciate his and our things more. Time out also did a great deal of good for him. He is in Kindergarten this year and does much better than before because he has learned that what mom and dad say goes and if he is good then he will get special things or get to do special things.
I think it mite be a phase.
First off welcome to the world of a six year old. He seems a bit jealous of Nathan.
I would have your son do things for others who don't have what he does, it may put him in a better mood. My son was doing volunteer work with me, of course, with battered women. Well, he helped with the fund raising part.
He's always be glad for what he has because I've shown him that some kids just aren't as lucky as him. And now he's a very giving child.
Some people have what is called a "Sniper's personality". They always complain to get attention. And they never grow out of this unless you put a stop to it.
Instead of letting him respond to you - ask him first. Like, "what color plate do you want". Then the next time, tell him "you picked first the last time, now its your brother's turn to pick first."
Be consistent and you have to do this everytime.
Well as for the ungrateful thing, my son did that for a while, then we just stopped giving him stuff and told him it was because he was ungrateful, then we made him watch those shows that show you about how people live in poverty and starve to death. It really changed his attitude! But it also sounds like he is jealous of his younger brother. Do you tend to favor his brother without realizing it? We always give our boys the same exact stuff! Same toys, matching clothes, same dinner dishes, everything so they don't think we are favoring one over the other.
If the little scamp said "I know that." to your licorice statement he's old enough to understand what he is doing. I had to have that little talk with mine. I told him I was the parent and he was the child so it was my way or his bedroom for as long as it took for him to behave. We had a battle of wills and he stayed in his bedroom all day once then he realized I wasn't going to let him have an inch and behaves now. Well, most of the time.
sign the guy up for marine boot camp NOW. (kidding). Get a life, he is 6 and wants attention and wants to try and over-rule all he can rule with the parents. Next time he says I wanted more, take some away and keep at it until he sees who wears the bigger pants and runs the ruling department. Also tell him you are talking to him and not his brother when the brushing of the teeth comes up, or tell the other one to go first then he will want to be first.
Compliment him on the fact that he is noticing differences in things, that he knows his colors and can count. Let him choose what color his plate will be, how many sticks of licorice he wants, whether he wants to brush his teeth before or after his brother. Keep the choices simple, but encourage him to make them!
You are so right! yes, he is young, but he needs to know that YOU are the parent, not him. In fact, you should have made him aware of this from birth. Dont get me wrong; I am not saying that you should not love your children, but they need discipline too.
For example, If my mother told me to brush my teeth and I reponded like your son did, Her reply would be "because I said so!" end of story. And if I should start complaining about it I would get punished.
But this could be bigger than me, still- sibling rivalry. I remeber feeling left out when my younger sister was born, because I believed at the time she was getting more attention than me, which made her their "favourite." Maybe you could talk to your son, ask him if he is feeling that way and tell him that you love both he and Nathan equally and see if that helps.
Best of luck!
Wow! I feel for you, but you're going to have to be stern with him. Give him limited choices.
As for the pieces of licorice, ask if he wants 5 pieces or 6 pieces. If he tells you something other than those choices, then just say "No, you need to pick from those choices only". If he still insists on what he wants, then let him know that he won't get any at all if he continues to misbehave.
If he argues about not having the same thing as Nathan, you might have to buy them identical things.
I used to get kind of radical..You don't like the blue plate! ok I would dump the child's food on the table. Now you have no plate to complain about. Eat your supper. This only happened a couple times and he got the message. I applied this to several situations and it always worked for me..The hell with Dr. Spock and trying to rationalize with little kid. Single father with four children under ten, no time to screw around..They are all over 40 today, no drugs no drunks, all self supporting and own their own homes... They all survived the trauma of life that no one is going to kiss your butt. Oh, and no one was ever in jail...
It sounds like jealousy as another had said.
I find that it helps to get the same of everything...Same color, same amount, same size...that way they feel EQUAL, regardless of age.
I would suggest, making the brushing of teeth (and other things) a game. Say to him, (all kids love winning) I bet you can be the first to brush your teeth or take a bath or get dressed. He will probably rush to be better. At the same time explaining to the older child that he just wants to be like you - smart, able to do all things and he looks up to you. Both children will feel proud and special and just as great as the other.
well the plate thing is just about wnting to be like his brother...lots of kds do that. as far as the "I know that" then he knows what he is doing and has figured out that most of the time,, youll give it to him. try saying no and sticking to it. teach him to say please and thank you. teach him manners. its not that hard...try explaining things to him, like "youre brother will brush his teeth after your done" or have them brush thier teeth together. kids that age want to know WHY WHY WHY ..its part of thier learning processs. if you think he is being ungrateful, explain things to him. teach him to be grateful
a spaking does it
I think he just wants to get attention. Maybe he is jelous of Nathan. The thing I would do is treat him exacly the same as Nathan. Give them the SAME color/kind of plate. Have them brush their teeth at the SAME time. Maybe you should have them play together. This way he can't refur to Nathan when he is complaning. If this doesn't work then tell him things like "You get the red plate because you are the older brother" before he gets to complain. He will be so please he won't want to complain.
So ummmm who has been spoiling him for the past six years?
Gotta love those 6 year olds. You have the classic case of sibling rivalry on your hands. It's the age but also - you are the parent so give them choices but limit them. If he wants something other than what you're offering, I'd repeat the choices - do not give in to him because then it morphs into the tail wagging the dog so to speak. 6 year olds are smart - sounds like he knows exactly what he's doing - he's testing you big time. He's just seeing how far he can get with you - be firm and consist ant and the problem should go away on it's own. My two older children (they are 2 years and three months apart) used to do this all the time and it used to drive me crazy. My older one used to say, "Why isn't he doing this or that". I used to tell her, "take the focus off of him and put it back on yourself". I was very careful to treat them equally - down to how much cereal I'd put in the bowl at breakfast because she'd notice it - lol. Good luck!!
For your lolly eg. I would just say "it's 5 or none" and if there is the tiniest complaint - don't give him any!
I've recently read a book called 1-2-3 magic and it's just great and will cover the problems you are having. He'll snap out of it pretty quickly if he knows you won't stand for it anymore.
Good luck
honey that is called sibling rivalry my kids do stuff like that all the time.honestly i think it is just a faze they go through,my two oldest son's used to do the same thing but they grew out of it and i am sure your son will to just keep doing what your doing things will get better.
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