Boys will be boys...Is it part of growing up, or should I be concerned?

I don't know if it's just a boy thing or not, but is it normal for elementary boys to be fighting almost all the time (age range 9 - 12)? For example my son is 10 and has something new every other week at school. When I confronted the teacher's they always say stuff like, "It's nothing we can't handle".."Why?" Most of the time its start off as a joke to everyone involved, then it seems to get outta hand when someone gets hurt. They play so aggressively..for example, knocking the tarts out of each other's heads, or who can show off the most in the playground. If they're having a mental quiz challenge (sometimes girls are included, but most of the time it's the boys who end up getting off at each other physically). One time it was over a small issue, like who gets to sit next to who, and it was between my son and some kid over some girl. They eventually settled it in the playground, and the teachers had to pull them apart (I didn't even know kids this age even had the thing to set time and place for fights). My son ended up having bruises on his leg and the other kid a bleeding hand. The teacher told me and his parents that they both went at it together. Also why does violent seem like a joke to them as well. It's like one minute they're so upset, and another they're cool, then it starts all over again. It's starting to freak me out. After all I use to think that boys would only be violent if their male authority figures were, but his Dad, and grandpa isn't like that, so what's the deal? My husband keeps saying, they're just being boys, but c'mon...violence is never normal. So am I just been over-protectively paranoid or should I be concern? "GROWN MEN" out there "who were once boys"...what's going on here? Will they grow out of this, like my husband keeps saying, or should I get some help now?

Answer:
I hate that phrase "Boys will be boys" it's like an open ended excuse to cause trouble.

But from what my son says there is always someone fighting at his school, or being a bully. I don't think it's a good idea. My son is a very easy going boy and violence is not allowed in my home. When I talk to my boy's teacher I tell him exactly what is bothering me, why it bothers me and what are we going to do to stop it? What will he do if it happens another time? Things like that. Boys like to rough house but it can get out of hand, tempers can flare up. If you're not getting any proper answers from teachers go to the principal, if that doesn't work then go to the School Counsel. I did that and I guarantee it worked for us. Children have to be treated as children and just because they are boys that doesn't give them the right to beat up others.
Hi this is George Bitar,

Yes, I think boys will be boys!

Thanks,

George Bitar
come on u the mother u suppose to have control of ur kids act u better help them before it get of of hand.
Well, his behavior is not abnormal, but that doesn't mean that it's acceptable. This is a common age where boys tend to fight, but they are also old enough to know better. Punishment is in order here. I think it's time to take away some privileges until this behavior stops. And I think the school should take this matter more seriously, follow the "chain of command." If the teacher isn't taking it seriously, go to the vice-prinicpal, then the principal, then the superintendent, until you are taken seriously. But if the school does end up taking action, remember, this may mean suspension for your son. If you don't want that to happen you might have to handle it at home, try to get your husband on the same page as you. Good Luck.
Sorry, but alot of that is normal. I volunteer in my 4 year old's class weekly and see even the 4 year old boys play kicking and hitting at each other. My 7 year old is like that. For years he's come home with bruises and not known how he got them. Males are more physical and violent as a general rule than females are. I understand it upsets you. Try asking the school exactly what is and isn't tolerated on the playground. Or go watch recess one day at school, your child's class or another of that grade. Its not just your son, I promise. Make sure that he learns that there is a place to play and a place to not. And that rough play is ok if its only goofing off, but its not ok if its hurting someone. Otherwise, boys will be boys. In this case, that statement really does fit.
I have 3 sons aged 7 -12. This is not normal. Sounds like the teachers are not normal either. I'd go over their heads.
Yep, boys will be boys and then they will be men. They won't grow out of this though. If you are allowing your child to get into fights at 10, then they will be fighting with fists at 15, with knives at 17, and with guns a few years later (hopefully they will join the military where its legal to kill each other in the name of "boys will be boys".

If you want to raise your child in a way that does not support violoence, put a stop to it immediately. It's not up to the school to say, "Hey juniour, your mommy doesn't want you hitting anyone", that would be up to you.

As for help, I would suggest some counseling for you and your husband. Obviously there are some issues that need to be addressed, and differences in opinion about raising kids is #3 in reason for divorce.
I have 2 boys aged 8 and 10. My ten year old is perfect at school and rough at home and my 8 year old was getting into trouble at school because he is used to wrestling and fighting with his older brother at home. My husband and I had to have a couple of talks with the 8 year old this year telling him he HAS to behave at school. We told him it is not acceptable to act out at school. PERIOD. We made it clear that he would be grounded from his favorite things at home if he doesn't behave. Take control now or all could be lost. Kids need to know that you mean business! I always tell my kids this: When you are an adult, you cannot hit or kick you boss or co-workers when they make you mad or you don't get your way. They need to find another way to respond to their feelings. Good Luck!

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