Is it bad etiquette to ask guests at a child's b-day party to pay?
Answer:
The bottom line is that you cannot afford this party so don’t even go there. What when your other children want similar events for their birthdays? It doesn’t stop, does it? Asking people to pay is not acceptable. Regarding this birthday, it takes courage to call a halt to whole-class affairs. I don’t believe all children are friends. YOU would not expect to ask ALL your colleagues to YOUR party, would you? Why should children be forced to do so? Some mums may whisper behind your back but I believe others will be mightily relieved. Your son may receive some hostility at school that may be difficult for him to handle but children are not stupid; if you are able to explain to him it should help him to cope.
I love your line ‘Your presence is required...’ You could use that and try to turn the event into a fundraiser (if you feel you have to invite everyone). Your options would seem to be either a birthday tea at home or a picnic somewhere. Your invitation might read ‘Your presence is required but no presents please as we are supporting ..(maybe the school charity). There will be a box to receive anonymous monetary gifts that would have been spent on presents.’ When you get the receipt from the charity, this could be published in the school newsletter with a ‘thank you’ and as proof as to where the collection went. Your son may even rise up in status for his kindness.
After his birthday, let him choose a couple of real friends to take to this adventure centre. You could also organise a whole class event at some time in the future where people pay to join in as in any outing. In fact parents may possibly think you are rather a super-mum for doing this.
Two decades ago I refused to hand out party bags, which suddenly became popular in England. I have three children one of whom is disabled, work and found the gifts often discarded. What a waste of time and effort. I gave instead a bar of quality chocolate. Some children screamed at me but I doubt if any of them are receiving counselling because of it! Good luck. Be strong.
It is TERRIBLY tacky. Don't throw a party you cannot afford.
This seems like a good time to teach your child about a budget.
Very tacky.
You invite people to have a good time with you, not to pay for the experience. Come up with something less expensive and everyone will be happy.
Well you're only asking for half of their child's cost so I'd say that it's more than fair. If they don't wanna pay the money, they don't have to send their child to the party
WHAT? A school has say in who you invite to a private birthday party?? I mean, it isn't like you are doing it through school, right? That doesn't sound right to me and I would totally let them know about it. I can understand the policy, but at the same time, school and home are two seperate entities and school needs to BUTT OUT of what you and your child do in your personal lives.
With that being said, I, personally, think if I were doing something like that, I wouldn't feel right about asking kids to pay but also state that any extra costs for food, drinks, etc are the kids' responsibility.
And then again...I say..the school needs to butt out. If they think the whole class needs to be invited, tell them to cough up the cash.
That is extremely tacky! If you can't afford it you can't afford it.
Very tacky. If you can not afford the party, then it is best not to alienate everyone by having one where you charge admission.
Good question. I attended a party last year with my daughter to her friends party where the mother had rented the gymnastics gym for all kids. There was a big blow up slide, etc. for the kids to play on. We were not asked to pay. The child's mother worked there, so I don't know if that made a difference. However, you can probably rent the entire space for a flat rate instead of paying per child at the community center. Personally, I wouldn't ask, but if parents donated to the cost I wouldn't reject it either. But I wouldn't expect anyone to pay.
Using customary etiquette, inviting the children and expecting the parents to pay is considered rude and improper etiquette.
As a teacher, I am appalled that your son's teacher would dictate such a policy. It is not up to him to decide who your son chooses to invite to his birthday party nor should he state the entire class must be included. With a class that size, it's totally unrealistic to expect everyone to be invited. Have you spoken to the principal about this inane policy?
That is tacky -- almost as tacky as the school imposing its own rules about private parties. Why don't you approach the school board for an allocation of capital funds?
PS - People sometimes get left out of things in life. School is supposed to be about learning. Does nobody there make the connection?
This would not be a good thing to do. I have heard about people telling the guests to come to the location without a present, but that does not work very well. This is a good opportunity to teach your son about costs and realistic budgeting. Spending $14 per kid for entertainment sounds pretty expensive even if it was affordable.
There is nothing saying a kid needs to invite the whole class either. If he has 4 or 5 friends that he wants to attend, that is good.
If you invite the whole class it looks like you are trying to get a boatload of presents from kids that are not his best friends.
Well I thought it was a good idea but I guess I’ve been out voted.
good to know :)
Dont invite the whole class. Just invite some of his closer friends. I did that and it ended up being way more expensive than I expected. I also think it would be tacky. However if they are planning on bringing a gift, why not just donate the 7 dollars instead. But I honestly have no idea how to go about asking like that without sounding tacky.(obviously I skipped the part about the whole class thing being a policy..which is silly. who are they to say he cant just invite his close friends? that makes no sense)
Our son's school had the same policy until he entered middle school. However, it really would be rude to ask parents to help foot the bill. It's almost like asking them to pay for 1/2 the party. We always invited his entire class. That being said, tell him that this year the party has to be somewhere else. Throw him a surprise party there when you aren't required to invite the entire class. That's what we did this year. We were finally able to have his party at ChuckEcheese because we could limit the number of guests. His party cost us $15 a kid, so we invited 10 kids that we KNEW would show.
i don't like that policy. i would secretly approach my child's friends parents and invite just them. what is the school going to do expell your kid.
why would the school expect parents to hold parties with the whole class in attendance, most classes have about 25 kids in there. who in this world has a party with 30 kids in attendance.
u can also just have a little something at his school. bring in a special movie and a goody bags for everyone. I was going to say bring a cake, but most schools have a policy restricting that sort of thing because of possible allergies.
that would be tacky yes, but I don't understand the policy at school. That is something which certainly cannot be enforced. I would have my child pick a few friends, and send the invites to their house, and not bring the invitations to school. I never heard of that... that is a little nuts, if you ask me.
Very tacky, is right. By the way, if you are in the United States,
I would go talk to your son's principal and explain your financial position and that you can't financially afford to invite all of your son's classmates. It is unfair and illegal for you son to be banned from inviting a few close friends in his class to a birthday party outside of school hours because of his parent's financial
situation. It is also illegal for the school to require all children in the class to be invited.
Call your local Legal Aid and ACLU, on behalf of your son.
They will be able to help out with the leagl end of things free.
You could win enough in damaged of your son's civil liberities
to more than pay fo his college education.
Also, call and get an appointment to visit the school's superintendent. Let that office know you are contact the ACLU
and Legal Aid over the matter.
Then, you, not your son, call or hand deliver the invitations to the parents of the children in his class that you really want to invite or think will come.
The school can't legally stop you or do anything to your son or you because of it.
My sister had a similar problem with my neice's school. Not anymore. She called legal aid. The laywer sent the school letter
threatening to sue the school district. The school district settled
the matter out of court. My sister used the money for a huge party for my neice.
Well I know for a fact I would not be sending my child to that party. I mean who goes to a party expecting to have to pay? I would rethink the motive of the parents. If you can't afford the place then your child should pick another location. That is just super tacky. I cannot believe someone post this.
Just curious. How the hell does your child's school have control of what happens outside of school? I am sure your child knows how to pass out invitations. That is like inviting everyone at work to your wedding, even freaky Frank in the mail room. No body wants to do that.
Here is a question...did you make people pay to come to your wedding? There is NO difference. Shame
That would be extremely bad etiquette! And, worse of all - it might humiliate your child and prevent his friends from coming. Parents probably wouldn't send their children because they would find it insulting. I've never known anyone to have a "party," and charge their friends! It's better to not have any party at all.
And it's your party - you only have to invite those you want to invite. The kids will have to deal with that "talk" all their lives. It never bothered me. I guess I was taught well.
It is tacky to ask the guest to pay. Maybe you can find an alternative site for the party that is cheaper per child or has a flat rate.
Check with the teacher if the information came from your son, I have heard of this all or none policy in reference to bringing treats to the classroom and valentine cards, but never a private party.
If it is school policy I would suggest cupcakes and punch in the classroom, And a party later with the other people you wanted.
If kids are required to pay half for attending one's party..that is silly... you might as well bring your own food.
It is no longer a invitations. it is a order.
it is totally wrong.. i would have felt insulted..
Absolutely tacky! If you cannot afford to invite the guests then you should come up with another idea. I recently had a birthday party for my daughter and wouldn't have dreamed of such a ridiculous thing! It's almost like a cover charge for little kids! I spent well over $250 and that was my choice. If you don't have the means then find another solution! I would laugh at a parent who would actually invite my child and then tell me, "by the way, that will be $7 for your child to participate!" Come up with another idea or lump it and splurge. But, whatever you do, don't ask for a cent from anyone for the party or you're going to look like a fool!
I think that your child's school has lost their mind! There is no way that you should have to invite the WHOLE class, no way at all! U have got to be kidding me! That is the craziest thing that I have ever heard of. No way! I say invite your sons FRIENDS and pay for them. Class trip... let the school sponsor that!
Yes, I also think its rude and tacky to request a fee for this party. Basically, if you can't afford to invite the whole class to this place - then choose another place to have it.
VERY RUDE! Why is your school dictating who you invite? Just send the invitations to the kids homes, don't hand them out at school!!
I'm sorry to say.that is tacky. You don't "invite" someone's kid to a party where they have to pay to play. You also need to factor in that most of these kids will be bringing presents. So now you have a cover charge + a gift.
How crass! You don't invite someone to a party then tell them they have to pay! If you can't afford to pay for the party either don't have it there or find a way to avoid inviting kids while at school. (the easiest way is to drop off the invitations at their homes) The school can NOT dictate whom your child invites to a party if he doesn't invite them AT SCHOOL. So what is he going to do when he starts dating? Is he going to ask a girl out and when he picks her up tell her she has to pay for her share of the date?
That is very tacky, but your kids' classes policy is awful, too. Talk to some other parents and see about getting it changed. All the guidelines I know about for kids parties say invite as many as your kid is old, or that plus one, so for an 8 year old that would be 8 or 9 kids. Not many parents probably want to host a party for 27 kids. Get together with some other parents and get the policy changed. When I was a kid sometimes for my birthday I would get to have one friend sleep over. I guess if I was at that school I wouldn't have had anything because my mom would never have gone for a party that big. Kids need to learn that some people don't get invited to some people's parties- it's not a huge deal. You're probably going to get invited to parties for your friends and not for kids you don't hang out with. Plus that's a lot of presents for parents to have to buy and I don't think a kid should have to invite the class bully to his party. Anyway, I would say if you can't change the policy then do whatever you want- after all it's not like they can actually do anything to you if you only invite kids your son likes. They can't force you to invite the other kids and they're not going to hold your son back or anything for it.
Yes..very tacky. It's also not fair for the school to do that. They have no right. I understand the concept of not handing out invitations in class unless everyone is invited but for the school to demand he invite the whole class sounds like a violation of YOUR civil rights.
I'm sorry but the school cannot dictate who you invite if you do it outside of school.
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