I am a single parent with a 5 year old. He doesn't listen to a word i say?
Answer:
Welcome to the world of having a five year old.
This is pretty age normal behavior. They're conflicted between wanting parental approval, to realizing they are a separate entity and trying to assert some independance.
Let him make non safety choices for himself so he can learn via trial and error. Like orange juice on cornflakes...don't assert yourself on every little issue.
However, of greater issues that require more structure, safety awareness, then yes, non physical intervention is required. Time outs are good.if done consistently and properly.
Which means when he starts screaming and throwing tantrums, ignore him and keep him in time out. When time out is over, debrief and discuss what happened with him and your expectations for behaviour, and the consequences for not following those expectations. Follow thru every time on the consequences no matter the tears, the pouts, the I'm sorry's.
Kids need consistency and boundaries.
If he strikes out at you, physically restrain him if necessary by sitting down and hugging him whilst restraining his arms.
If he refuses to go to his time out place, physically bring him there. Only use as much force as necessary as physical disciplne has more negative effects.
If you're still having problems coping, contact a children service resource in your area and ask for help or resources.
Lots of Luck..and remember, this too shall pass
Spare the rod and spoil the child, which in your case seems to have happened.
Get some good books from the library on parenting.
Watch Supernanny.
Be very firm in your expectations, very consistent in the consequences when he doesn't meet them. Never yell, time out works, and so does removing privileges but CONSISTENCY is the key.
Don't hit him, whip his but. Teach him that there are consequences to his actions, your belief hasn't been helping either of you.
Try being his friend, and encourage good behavior with positive reinforcement. Spend more time with him and this will gain his respect for you. Even if it's playing a game, learning, or going to a park.
If he knows youre not gonna give him a smack, he is always gonna give you grief. Im not saying beat the bag out of him.Just somthing to get his attention. If you dont get stern with him now, hes gonna walk all over you forever.
Sending him to his room,and taking away the things that entertain him ,but you have to be consistent,and not give in. Kids will do the same dum crap everyday to test you, and you cant give up.
Hitting is not really an alternative anyway. Find what he does like an ground him from it.If you say "I am going to punish you for doing something" stick to your guns an show your authority.Don't back down as bad as it will make you feel. He will learn, you mean business. No second chances!
MILITARY CAMP (just kidding) seriosly, you should take him to a kung fu training institute, or karate or anything a five year old would be interested in and have the chance to be around kids his age, trust me, I use to be just like your son, but I started my training in shaolin kung fu and now I'm the most disiplined out of all 3 of my brothers, give him time. Besides, if take him to kung fu he'll be to tired afterwards to act up. But if you can't afford taking him to training remember to be frim as ever, because he will test you, and if you show him that your scared to hit your child HE'LL WALK ALL OVER YOU seriosly, give him a smack a really good one that'll say "hey, mom means buisness" and if he hits back, that's where you bring in the big guns (not literally) you whip his little but so he can't sit down, for a week.
Have you tried a time out chair? Or put him in his room. Tell him when he's ready to tell you what wrong he can come out. Good luck. I was abused growing up, too, and I never hit my children.
Plan a list that you can post on your fridge of first chores and fun things you can do after. let him know what the list is and if hes good he could get to do the fun things after.
If he doesnt listen sit him down and let him know he wont be able do get to the fun and games,kids usually yell and fidget because they feel like you are not hearing them when they say they want something.
Sit him down and wager with him.
If he wants something he cant have say something along the lines of,"I know your mad, I would be Mad too, but if you stop crying, I could give you [ ]."
He should be intrigued,if you let them know you will talk their problems out. They would want to talk moe instead of whine.
He is at an age now that he is trying to push his boundaries to see how far he can go and he can also see what pushes your buttons, getting a reaction out of you may be his target. Try taking something away from him. Favorite toy, tv time etc...give it back to him when he understands what he did was wrong and why. Be patient, these are very trying times, but if you give in and let him get away with everything, you will ruin him for the important years to come and will never have any control over him. Good luck.
Don't stress your self this is a 5 year old and this is he's mission to see if he can get his way. be contestant if you are the type to slowly give in he well do his best to fight you every time, when you say no the first time it must be no all the time. and I always found time out to work for me, if you but him in his room and get a timer set it at a min. for each year he is, so 5 Min's and If he miss behaves and tries to come out before the time is up you add a min.5 to 6 to 7 until he knows, Hey I better just stay here or mom will make me stay longer.
Remember who's in charge. good luck.
It's time to have that Big Talk with him. All about what it is to grow up, and how he has to learn some things really early, so the rest of the things he needs to learn will be all that much easier to learn.
You should be getting some support from the school on this, if he's going to school. He needs to learn how to pay attention to what he is doing and not say more than is called for. He cannot go on expecting to be the center of attention whenever he wants to be, but the rewards for learning how to be a nice little gentleman are great. He can learn how to do things that are not only interesting and fun, but also can earn him money when he grows up, so that he can earn his money doing things he likes to do, instead of things that feel like a burden just for the money.
He's old enough to understand the basic realities of good manners, and if he hasn't gotten them by now, the penalties for neglecting this area of his education go up. So he's just got to pay attention to Mommy when she is explaining how to be a gentleman. If you hook all good manners on that word, and make it your obvious recommendation, it will work. It will not always be easy, but keep your eye AND his eye focused on the goal: he's to grow up to be a gentleman who has respect and makes his own way with pride and honor.
You give a kid the vocabulary to be good, that's what they prefer to be: the rewards really are there. When he reaches puberty, he'll start reaping those rewards. Then there's a whole lot more to teach him, but one thing at a time.
Good for you leaving an abusive relationship! What you need to do is set punishment down and stick to them. He will push your buttons to see how much he can get away with however you need to stick to your guns.
If you tell him to put his toys away and he says no then he can go into time out until he is ready to pick up his toys.
When he figures out you mean business and are not going to be giving in then he will start. At first it will be difficult. He will sit there for a while eventually he will learn it's got to be your way or no way at all.
You have mustard the strenght to leave an abusive relationship with a 2 month old. You can do this too.
Best of luck.
First let me say kudos to you for protecting yourself and your child from your abusive husband. Since you left that type of environment, it would be hard for you to lay hands on your child. I agree with Mohommed that some form of Martial arts training would be very helpful. I am a single mother of twin boys. When they reached about 5 or 6, we started having behavior issues. One of their teachers suggested Tae Kwon Do. It has been amazing to see the changes in them. It taught them self discipline, self respect, and respect towards others. It also gave them an outlet for all of the pent of energy little boys seem to be blessed with an abundance of. I also agree with some of the other answers that you have to set your boundaries and stick to them. I had a family meeting with my sons and we established what our house rules would be and what the consequences of breaking the rules would be. There was never room for argument when I had to enforce discipline, because they already knew what would happen. I won't say that I've never popped them on the behind because I have, but beating my children has never been an option. They are now teenagers who are respectful and fairly well behaved considering that they are teenagers LOL. Good luck to you sweetie and stand your ground. You are the parent and he will just have get used to it.
Probably there are parent organizations you can tap into.
I'm not a parent but what my parents friends have recommended:
1) WATCH supernanny, I've never seen it but it works. Watch it with the kid so he knows the rules
2) TIME OUTS. You can physically put him some where and ignore him. Kids need attention. This actually works, I've heard but you are better to get perspective from other parents.
3) If he enjoys priveledges such as watching TV, you have the power to deprive him
I expect it will take him time to adjust to whatever you change and that he will 'resist' by the time honoured methods: screaming, whining etc.
Anyway, hang in there. You are not alone.
are you watching superanny which comes on thursdays in chnl 5? they show similar kids with similar problems and the superanny tackles their problems. why dont you write to mediacorp or lorna whiston treaning centre (which is the sponsorer) and ask for previous tapes so that you can take a look at few of them and find a good way to deal with you baby. dont lose hope. after watching them youll surely be a changed person yourself and deal with your baby in a different way. what i know of babies is, you need to have tremendous patience with them and talk to them at their level. dont be desperate to expect results and miracles from them, they will listen and learn only if you are persistent and repeatedly tell them the same thing everyday but very politely and patiently.
As much as many parents might disagree with using spanking as an appropriate punishment, it actually does work. Time outs and all that modern disciplinary actions are alright and do work, but they only give you a temporary solution to your problem.
(For this to work the most effectively, go about this as close to the suggestion i give you as you can.)
When he doesn't listen or mouths off, spank him. You can give him a warning, but just one. Tell him that if he doesn't behave and stop disrespecting you, that you will give him a spanking he won't forget. Show him what you're going to use on him, too.
Once he misbehaves again, then follow through (this is the toughest part). You don't have to go all out if you don't want, but get your point across. Make sure he knows that what you say is final and that you are the boss. From then on, you shouldn't have to spank him, at least not as hard as the first time; just do it hard enough to get his attention.
Even though spanking is the most effective remedy to the situation, you may also want to take objects away instead. Depending on the severity of the infraction, take away objects that means something to him. Heck if you want, take away everything but the bed and dresser from his room. Over time he can earn items back, whether it be with doing chores around the house or being good for a certain amount of time.
Oh and don't call supernanny, that just makes you look like a bad mother. It's almost as if you went on to the Jerry Springer show and well that's as far as I will go with that. However, contrary to what I said above, you can take a supernanny approach to the whole situation.
I hope I could be of some help to you.
I have the same problem with my 5 year old son. He's even misbehaving at school now and I have been told to be consistant when punishing them. Take things that they like away. I do too much yelling and not enough "doing" and that is the problem I beleive so I would say when you say no thats just that-no and give no exceptions and if he doesnt like put him in his room for awhile. MOst important stick to your word. DOnt give in. I know its hard because I worry about hurting his feelings, but do you want a 16 year old walking all over you becasue thats what it will turn into for both of us. good luck.
Try something called an "If.Then Chart" (you can google this to find an example). Make a numbered list of offenses, paired with appropriate punishments and/or extra chores. For example, for the first offense, he must have a 5 minute time out. Second offense, he must clean the toilet (or another age appropriate yet unpleasant task). Third offense, he gets a priveledge taken away (TV, Video Game, Favorite toy, etc.). Fourth offense (and last resort) - a swat on the behind or a longer period of time in his room. Make sure that his room is boring (no TV, etc.). STICK WITH THIS CHART and be consistent. He will absolutely test you at first, but when he finds out that you mean business, I think you'll find that things will get better.
Children need rules and consistency to feel comfortable with their environment. If you provide them for him, it will have a positive impact...maybe not at first, since he'll resist change, but if you stay strong then it will work out.
The answers post by the user, for information only, FeelBaby.com does not guarantee the right.