Help...?
she back talked and screamed at me. I grounded her from TV telephone and friends. Since I don't go to church and consider this a
fun thing to do I have grounded her from this as well. I feel I have done the right thing but I know my extended family will not support this decision. What should I do. She goes to church with them and I have to let them know that she will not need a ride to church.
How will I present this to them as they feel church is an important thing for kids and not a fun activity.I would have not consider this but she really dug her self in a hole this morning. Any comments and advice would help. Thanks.
Answer:
You don't have to justify yourself to the extended family. You are the MOM!! Just tell your family that you have other plans on Sunday. End of story.if they push then tell them that your daughter and you need to spend some quality time together as a result of this morning's outburst. Then actually spend that time diong something good for the two of you during that time!
It may be that your daughter got upset with you because she is upset y'all aren't spending enough time together to suit her. Try organizing something fun for just you and her. She may be grouchy about it at first.but inside I bet she will be thrilled!!
You're the MOM! The mom is in charge. If you're not in charge than you can't teach the children. You have to be the alpha. You have to learn to get in charge of your family.
No, no, no. You should not ground your daughter from church. That is the worst thing you can possibly do. Obviously, she needs to go because of her attitude this morning. TV, phone, and friends is a good idea, but you should not keep her away from church.
I dont know, but does she paticipate in the kids activities at church? or just go into the church with your family for normal service? If its normal service i wouldnt keep mychild from going to church. That is just not right. However if there are youth activities she is involved in or something then go ahead and dont let her do that. Let them know that she needs to just go to regular service with them and then straight home. I dont think its a good thing to be grounded from church, whether you think its important or not. Everything else you did about the tv, friends and phone, etc..is fine. That is just my opinion though. CHurch is good for her and her attitude.
Your doing the right thing because children need to learn not to disprespect their parents. Just explain to your family members the situation and how you feel that not letting her go to church is a good punishment for what she did. Hopefully your family will understand
Other family members have no right to tell you how to punish your daughter. They need to butt out. If they tend to go out to lunch after church that would be a fun activity for her and you were right to ban her from it.
It sounds like a church influence would be a good thing for her. I would encourage her to go to church, like an obligation, like school. You wouldn't ground her from school would you? But I would tell your family that she needs to return right after church, no lunch out or any activities, and explain why. I am sure they would understand and respect your decision.
thats not something you shouldn't take from her, but everything
else okay but she should still be able to go to chruch. i don't feel that thats a pushiment
well she would have fun at church because she has friends there and its an outing from the house. Make her do bible verses at home
lol i used to think going to church was punishment enough! But grounding her from church is definitely the WRONG thing to do. It is like telling her when she gets in trouble she can't turn to God or something like that. Ground her from everything except church. She is 11 and at a very impressionable age. Im sure you remember being 11 at one point in time. We all get into little arguements with our parents...its how we show them that we love them. No one can live together and get along 100% of the time.
this to me, is so funny.
"You are grounded from church"
surely you will get smote for this.
the punishment is supposed to fit the crime.
the only way i could see a justifiable reason to keep a kid from going to church is if they spit on the preacher, started a fire in the pews, etc.
no attention to bad behavior.
you escalated, you are making it worse... don't blame her totally if she acts worse too because you are egging it on.
I have a g/f that tried to tell her 7 year old he couldnt go to church because he had gotten in trouble at school thru the week.
it was so funny i about peed my pants.
i said OK ... you stand way over there so when you get struck by lightning i won't be affected.
come on now. you were BAD so you cant go to CHURCH
thats like saying youre stupid so you cant go to school
youre having sex so you cant go to the bitrth control clinic
you stink so you cant take a shower
you are hungry so i wont let you eat
you dont know how to tell time so i am taking away all the clocks
Dont fight with your daughter. What does she learn from that.
Calmness is stregnth, and i doubt when you did all this grounding you were very calm.
So she is being punished for your weakness. Interesting
How about MORE church.
maybe some counseling
church every day!
if she has too much time on her hands, maybe she needs to do some volunteer work.
when my kids were snotty i made them clean something.
now they are sweet angels and I have to do all the cleaning.
poor me
You made a good decision! Your family will understand that these are your punishments for your child, if not, so what, they will get over it! This is your child, taking away a fun activity is not bad, even if it is church. I do the same thing with my son.
Good Luck!
I can not imagine what an 11 year old could possibly do to be punished sooo much in one morning. At the age of 11 your daughter is supposed to have an attitude, that is her job. She wnats to be grown up and yet is still a child. Taking church away from her is wrong on so many levels(no I do not attend church). That is like taking reading away from her. Church may be something she enjoys but is also good for her. Church and the socialization that it brings may actually help bring her attitude under control. As a mother of 21 children I learneda long time ago to fight the big things leave the little things alone and kids are more likely to listen when it's important(no drugs, smoking, etc.).
I also learned that you should never take away things that are good for a child (eg: reading,church or family). Maybe you overreacted to the situation. By the way it is not only okay for a parent to admit when they are wrong but it is good for them to do so. Maybe you should rethink the situation and the punishment to make sure what you thought was best in the heat of the moment is still best after you have calmed down. Talk to your daughter not at her!!
Don't ground her from church. Church is important for her because it encourages good & proper behavior, and she needs that kind of encouragement. Plus, going to church with family members helps keep her mind tuned to the idea of being a family member instead of a wild thing. Don't feel bad, you can't be right all the time, but you made a mistake here and need to correct it.
My husband is in a seascout group and parents think its all about fun and ground their kids from it. That is probably the worse thing they could do because his group is not all about fun but more about being responsible for the things they do with their peer group and its hard work taking care of a boat when its been neglected all week.
Church teaches the same things and to take that away from her is not doing anything positive to stop her from her bad behavior.
You might mention to your extended family why your upset and tell them about her behavior. Sometimes it takes another adult to call a child on bad behavior when they won't listen to their folks.
You need to chill and relax.. you can do that if she isn't in the house...reorganize your situation.. why she is gone take out everything from her room except essentials( dresser, clothes, bed, computer with a parent controls "on"... desk,etc) Make sure the bags of things is away in a locked garage or ask the neighbor to hold it for you for awhile. Unless its real trash than ask them to dump it with theirs... we have done that before held 8 bags of trash until the daughter mended her ways.
She is 11 years old and if she is this way now what will she be when she is a teenager? gain control while you still can.
I agree You are the mom. You do what you want. If you feel that will be the answer to her problems, then do it!!
Stand your ground. My 11 year old daughter is traveling the same road. I won't have her back talking me and the only discipline that works is to take something from her that she values. I don't want my younger kids copying her behavior. House rules are house rules and my kids know the consequences of not following them.
Good luck to you. I'm not looking forward to the teen agers.
okayyyyyyyy, wow, ready for another long one from me? lol. First of all, let me defend your right to keep your child from church if you so see fit! As you said, it's a social experience for her, not a religous one. So the only thing she is benifitting from is getting to tell her friends how lame her mom is, and to feel like she pulled one over on you because she knows your not going to tell her NO to CHURCH of all things! It's her little way of tasting freedom and making you feel guilty if you say no.
Also let me add that i HATE AND DEPSISE the mindset that "all naughty children must go to church it will benifit them". Thats what my mom did with my brother and i, everytime we misbehaved she had to have her church group pray for us, or cart us off to another church function, etc. etc. And you know what that resulted in? resentment of her and the church. i was an athiest at 12, (and still am, but i do respect everybodys right to believe whatever they want and would never tell another not to believe just as i dont expect others to shove they're views down my throat) and my brother still believes but has such issues with religion he wont step foot in a church. My brother and i are both good people, with strong morals, we abide in no illegal activities and are more kindhearted than most christians i know. so do i think that church will make a child behave? NOOOO. Just as not going, ecspecially for only one sunday, will not MAKE her misbehave. She and only she can control her behavior, but must be taught how to do so.
However, compromise is always a good thing and will teach her how to make the right choices. As i told you in the other question i answerd, tell her she can go to church if she wants but only with you and only if she stays in the adult srvice. Staright to the pews when you get there, and straight to the car afterwards, no socializing. Even if you don't normally go to church, it will be worth it to sacrfice one sunday to make a point to your duaghter that you dont back down, but aren't going to stand in the way of her religous choices either.
If you really can't for whatever the reason, do not feel guilty or pressured about your decision to keep her home. And as for your family, who says you have to tell them anything anyway? just say, "hey, by the way, don't worry about a ride on sunday she has some otherthings she'll be doing" if they question, let them know that if your daughter wants to tell them, she can but you dont discuss your duaghters personal life with anyone else. (i really recomend this aproach always! discussing your childs misbehavior with family really puts the child in an uncomfortable position on so many levels and lets the family into your buisness which can create issues).
again, good luck!
Well your the parent here so your decision is very important and should be respected. But I don't think that is a good idea. It is church, and it is great for a kid to even have such interest in church. You really should let her go, just do not let her talk and chat with her friends from church. That is very controversial punishment? i understand that you feel strongly about it, but look at it from another point of view. It's like taking your child away from visiting a grandparent because they really like it. My daughter is 7, and is very involved in church. I am soooo proud of that, and would never consider punishing her by taking that away. There are many other things you can do to punish her. Like take away her tv, phone, electronics, going out, desserts, hangin with friends, family outtings?? Give it some thought. Take care, good luck
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