Spanking a child?
I explain to him that if he listen in the store and in school and when he came home non of this would happened..
I gave him and let watch tv while he laid there for bed... but if he gets up one more time that be it Upstairs NO tv... right after i said that... He got back up and started into my room again. So i sent him upstairs and he screammed and yelled so i swatted him about 3 times and sent him up stairs.. His dad felt bad and went up to see. he was asleep. Did i do wrong? should i have done something different?
Answer:
I believe there is nothing wrong with a swat on the butt with open hand i think that is why GOD put extra padding there. However I do not believe that anybody should be hit anywhere else on their body. Hitting in the head could cause alot of damage and slapping in the face in very degrading
You cant let your kids tell you what to do.You have to be strict about things like this one swat would have done that job to get your point across.I have never spanked my daughter but her father has plenty of times for no reason at all.At least you made your point. Your son has to learn to listen to you and most kids at the age of 7 are going through this time of where they want to tell you what to do.
i am 24 now and i dont think that there is anything wrong with a couple swats it lets the kid know that you are seriouse. but if you went to town and made his bum red and really sore then that would be wrong
I don't think you should ever hit a child. Would you like someone to hit you? You should try to uncover the source of the problem rather than stifle it.
a good resource to help with unconditional parenting is www.alfiekohn.org
this will help you...
no you were right to spank him. parents aren't supposed to be their kid's friend. i was spanked with a belt or a switch when i was younger along with grounding. you gotta do what you gotta do. kids will listen and straighten up if you spank them. if they're having a fit in a grocery store spanking will straighten them up more than just saying no tv. you were not wrong to spank your child.
I would have been spanked his butt long before that, I would have smacked his mouth too. He sounds like he still needs a good spankin.
what you did wrong was gave him back his tv after you told him no more thats when he thinks he can get by with whatever he wants.
Tomorrow since you told him his tv would be takin away for the day if he came back down take it forget the spanking he deserved it. FOllow through with your punishment and dont let him be the boss!!
Hoped that helped later!
Nope, you did right. If anything, you waited too long. My nearly 4 year old had her first "Board Meeting" about 6 months ago, it's a great way to break bad behavior. Just three swats.
well, you should have stuck to your guns when you said no TV, for one thing. Sounds like he knows he can get away with what he wants with you and knows you'll give in if he drives you crazy enough. I personally think that a spanking every now and then when a child is really acting up is ok. Just don't do it too often or it will not make any difference. What you really need to do is set ground rules and enforce them. If he acts up, take something away and don't give in and give it back. He has to know that you mean business. He is just trying to get you angry because if you are angry, he has the control. Keep your cool, set limits and stick to them..even if you have to go to your bedroom and scream into a pillow and throw a few punches at the bed...but don't let him catch you so that he knows he affected you that way! Good luck..I've been there done that and I'm still doing it! And mine's only 5! :)
your the parent, you need to discipline your kids and if you dont they think they can get away with everything. spanking is not wrong to do. there is a difference between spanking and beating. but there is def. nothing wrong with spanking.
Lori,
Your going to hear from both sides of the parenting fence on this one, just keep this in mind-
You have to do what you feel is best for your child. There isn't a person on here that can tell you how to raise your child.
Good Luck
There is a difference with spanking and beating a child. Some kids do well with just reasoning, others need fingers spanked, behind spanked etc. DO NOT GIVE IN Follow through with what you say. There will be some power struggles, but the parrent should win the battle. Just watch the force when/if you spank, don't let the temper take over.
I think sometimes a kid needs a spanking. In 2 years, I've seen my bf spank his child 3 times. And he will tell her, "one more time, and you will get spanked". And it's after he's exhausted every other alternative. Sometimes it's the only way to let the child know that you are in control. Children don't develop the skills for "reasoning" very early. And for him, one swat on the butt works.
Spanking is not wrong as long as you do it in love. Not just when your kid gets on your last nerve, that is simply frustration on your part. It is a childs job to stretch the boundaries, they will continue to do so until you push back. They cannot do what they want when they want, this produces a human being that will never respect boundaries. If a person cannot recognize boundaries as a child, what will happen when they grow up? You will have to talk to your child through the thick glass and on that nasty phone at the police station.
If you told him to do something and he did the exact opposite as if you were not telking to him, who was wrong. You know more than he does he will have to respect that from you and many others in life, without screaming and yelling like a maniac. He will also have to recognize that there is a time and place for everything. He settled down because you forced him to recognize that his behaviour was unacceptable. The police do it with a tazer gun, his boss will do it by skipping him for the next pormotion, teachers will do it by sending him to the principles office. He will be swatted in many ways for the rest of his life, by people who care nothing for him. Spare the rod spoil the child...and his life.
Spanking should never be done in anger or at random. It is a goal focussed technique for discipline that needs to be applied in a specific manner that the child is made extremely aware of. For example. You can a rule that lying is punished with one swat. Every time, without exception and with no chance for getting around the punishment, he is caught lying, he gets a single swat. Afterward, you emphasize the rule that lying is not acceptable and the punishment for it is one swat on the behind. The point here is the punishment is reasonable, dispassionate, specific, explicitly spelled out, and consistently applied. The goal is to teach right from wrong. Sometimes it helps if you have a paddle specifically for this purpose:
http://www.spare-rods.com/
The reason for the paddle is to really home in the fact that it is punishment by making it ritualistic. Pain is minor or non-existent. The punishment is mostly SYMBOLIC.
Another effective discipline method is time out. However, timeout, like paddling must follow the same rules. You need a time out room. A time out room has nothing but 4 walls, a ceiling, a floor and a door. In other words, there is nothing to do there. The sparsity of the room is the symbolic element that identifies it as punishment. You do not "go to your room". You go to the "time out room". The place of punishment that has no other function. You do not store things there. You do not use the child's room. You do not have your office there. The time out room is a symbolic place of punishment with no other function. It's only used when the child has been bad. A good rule of thumb is one minute of time out per year of age. The timer starts when the child stops whatever behavior he is being punished for. If he kicks the door, for example, time out starts over.
A good book on this is 123 magic:
http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-magic-effect...
im not a believer in spankings
all it does is teaches kids violence is ok and when you are mad its acceptible to smack people around. it also puts fear into children.
instead of spanking him, try following thru with what you say
you didnt hurt the child. he is a seven year old boy he would wrestle and play fight all day long if you let him no matter how many times he actually got hurt. spanking him just got his attention in a way that yelling or talking wouldnt. really no different than how a hug is different from telling someone you love them. physical contact has meaning. its just the way us humans are wired. you just have to use it in coordination with explanations and seldomly. cause if someone hugged you all the time without ever telling you why.that **** would just get weird.
Feeling bad is natural. After all this is your flesh and blood.
But for the greater good of the child, and to tell him you're in charge for now, parents are as responsible as to show enough love as to show enough discipline.
As long as you leave out the head, the face, the torso and the stomach I think you're OK. Go for the fleshy parts, like the buttocks and the calves. Do not raise your hands higher than your head when spanking and do not use accessories like belts or sticks. Use good words that will cement into their heads for years.
They will be grateful later in life for the discipline.
Absolutely not. I come from a family where back talking was not allowed under no circumstances. We got spankins and i spank my kids. We never spoke back to my mother we knew better what mom said went and thats it. No questions asked and if we ever said the word so no doubt we would have regreted it. Not sure if its just hispanic people but i don't have a problem with spanking my children and i don't feel bad if they deserve it. "Do as i say not as i do". thats what we were taught and i always make sure they understand why they are in trouble. And i will admit that my 3 children are very well behaved and wouldn't dare get brave enough to talk back. No offense or anything but if a 7 yr. old is throwing a fit like a 2 yr. old you have a problem and he needs some serious discipline. Other wise imagine telling this kid no at 15.
No you didn't do wrong. The fact that he went to sleep says it all. I would strongly suggest being consistent. Always follow through on what you say, no matter how much he bugs pleads or pitches a fit. It is perfectly normal for them to go through the mouthy, i am the little boss stage but......you need to put them in their place and sometimes it will take a spanking. I did the count to 3 method. they had until 3 to listen or it was a timeout. If the timeout didn't work then i started taking things away. And yes when all else failed i did spank but as a last resort. Never spank in anger, if you are that angry just walk away. At first it will be tough to get him to respect you but you need to do it now because when they are teenagers sometimes it is too late.
good luck
Honey I don't think there is anything wrong with spanking a kid and I am 14 1/2! LoL as long as you don't leave burses on them and let them still know you love them there is nothing wrong with it.
There are many argument for and against spanking, its not possible to debate all the viewpoints here. However, one of the problems with spanking (and why some people thinks its abuse) is that it is normally a last resort. This sounds fine at first, until you figure out that if you spank as a last resort, you spank when you are really angry, upset and reached the end of your line. That is when you are likely to be "too enthusiastic" with the spanking, because it is an emotional reaction. If you spank sooner, when it is needed, and not leave it as a last resort, it will be more effective because you are not angry and likely therefore to use better judgment. Read John Rosemond, James DObson, Kevin Leman for info on spanking. What you need to do however is decided FOR YOURSELF whether you want to use spanking as one of your many discipline tools or not, and then stick to your decision without guilt.
I know how you feel. I vowed that I would not spank my son either. He's four and really adorable. However, I ended up spanking him not often just a couple of times out of "sheer" necessity. I don't want to engage in this form of discipline either but sometimes we may have too even though we feel bad.
you did what was necessary and what he was asking for. Our family uses spanking quite a bit more, it seems to help motivate them to behave after a quick sharp look. They know what happens if they keep it up.
Good Luck
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