My son who is in Kindergarten has started biting a little girl in his class.?
Answer:
I am no expert, however, I would start by asking the teachers to be patient for a week or so while you try some intensive work with him. Get a good book on the topic to be safe. However, my gut tells me to work on positive reinforcement for a solid week. I noticed the difference in my son depending on our reaction. When he first started hitting (it was slightly funny) he whacked me with a toy square on the head. It hurt. From that point on, we make a point of vocally cheering him every time he does something physical which is appropriate/gentle/nice. When he does something rough/rude/inappropriate we do the exact opposite. He still hits occasionally, but far gentler and much less frequently. If you work with him intensively for a week guiding him to do nice things and really emphasizing how happy you are,i believe he can be encouraged to stop biting. Possibly even mock bite and show your displeasure (pretend bites between parents). Whatever, you do, don't laugh when they hit etc. because its 100% sure that they are looking for your reaction.
When I was very young I bit a couple of kids and my Mom didn't know what to do so she bit me so I would know how it felt. I have not bitten a person in over forty years.
The key to stopping a certain behavior is to find out what is causing it. What is going on just right before the biting incidents? Is he having problems with transitions? Is he getting enough sleep at night? Is he over stimulated under stimulated? etc. Instead of the school punishing your son they should be working with you not only to understand the problem but to help come up with possible solutions. I would suggest that you speak with the school to find out ways in which you can work together as a team to find out some of the answers to these questions.
Not sure how the classroom is set up, but if there is an extra adult (such as an classroom aide) they could shadow him (especially during transitions). Perhaps help him to make friends with the girl. Get the two of them involved in a fun activity together (w/the adult closely supervising). If he likes her, perhaps he is unsure of how to engage her in play, or get her attention other than biting. Which so far has REALLY got her attention, right? Repalce the negative with positive, for both her and your son. Help them to cutlivate a realtionship. If the school is unable or unwilling to help in this way, maybe you can do this through a play date. If the girl's parent(s) are aware of the incidents, talk to them and let them know youa re concerned and want to find a happy resolution for all. Ask if they mioght be interested in doing a coffee/playdate with you and your son. Like in the school example, make sure you stay close and get the tow of them engaged in play with each other.
I am going through the same thing with my son. He tried to be friends with a kid in his class and the kid said no so he bit him. the first time he was suspended for a day. Then he did it again to the same kid. They called the police on him. If he would have been six at the time he would have been taking to the juvenile detention center. After he went back to school he was so afraid that the police officer was gonna come back that he hasn't acted up even once. I know that is not the answer you are looking for but I just wanted you to know your not alone. My heart goes out to you.
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