11 year old crying hysterically? Is there anything I can do?
Answer:
It is called puberty. Being a FEMALE I would assume that even though you are the step mother YOU went through puberty at one time. What to do? Be understanding. I don't know what it was that prevented her father from seeing her more than 2 times a year for the past 10 years but he owes her BIG TIME. You can't expect her to completely rearrange her life history and the things she is used to all of a sudden, especially not during puberty. Let her cry it out, leave her alone. She has some major adjustments to make with her life now and it's a difficult time for her to be doing so...
Get back together with the dad for the sake of the children jeez
let her cry herself out. tell her when she's ready to be grown up about it, then you can go
She's going through some stress with all of the changes. Moving to a new country and getting to know a new step-mother can cause kids to act out. Everything is strange and new to her, she's going to react. The fact that she never really spends any time with her dad doesn't help either. Try getting her to a counselor. You can use the ones at her school, a clergy member or a trusted friend who's really good with kids. Someone who will spend time with her and build her trust would be able to get to the bottom of what's really bothering her. Good luck!
Remind her that you love her Daddy too and it's hard to be apart so much. I have a friend who was a single father of two girls. He was a bus driver who started work at 5AM. He would bring the girls on the bus and drop them at school at 8:30AM. It seemed weird to me, but they were happy.
This young lady is probably getting a first flush of hormone, too, so things may hit her harder.
I hope you find a way to reach through her unhappiness.
let her do her thing in her room, inform her that when she is finished she can look for her shoes, and after she finds them you will take her to her father. some times you just can't do anything for them. they have to cool off and then they will start to think sensibly.
If you give into her now and treat her "delicately because of her situation" Then she will manipulate you for the rest of her life.
Like one poster said, let her cry it out.
Tell her that if she not willing to stop crying than she'll have to wait until tomorrow to go with her dad. She needs to understand that although her tears are perhaps genuine, crying and carrying on is not the behaviour that is going to get her way.
Treat her with respect but like any other child, yes even your own or as you would your own... it is tough for you but you and your husband, ( her dad) both need to work together on this and having errant behaviour is going to allow the both of you being controlled. What parent takes thier child to work? Doesn't matter if they see them part time, all the time or rarely. No one should take thier children to work with them, yes there are occasions, but you husband needs to spend time with them away from his work, that is what a family does.
I have a 10-8-and 4 year old and the fourth on the way.my 10 year old will be 11 in a couple of months..dont coddle this behavior she is too old to be whining about her shoes...my daughter does this a lot and she cries too. You tell her that if she does not have shoes on when its time to go that she will not be going period. It might seem cruel but it is necessary that you show her by actions and words how serious you are. You could also tell her that she should have had her clothes and shoes sorted a day before all this. Does she love her shoes or want to spend time with dad? Tell her this and if it is no good then ignore her behavior and be prepared for a very large fit and a long sulk after she sees that her time is up and its too late to go. She will remember next time.
You got a Drama Queen going through puberty, that add to it the fact that she never got much time with daddy, she really values it now, to her daddy getting mad, is like him saying, I don't have time for you. Talk to hubby about this and ask him to be less verbal about his anger, and more understanding to her needs and feelings. Remember that he really hasn't had much practice with her either, let him know you understand that, but his reaction was hurtful. When she is inconsolable, just pick up her face so she can see your eyes, and say, "I will be here when you calm down and are ready to let me console you." Don't make excuses for him and after you have talked to him calmly, he can apologize to her for his own rudeness. BTW be careful, if he cusses you out in front of the kids, they won't respect you either, even if you are taking their side. Been there. Good Luck
I would just allow her to cry. If this happens often, it could be a sign that her period is about to come. My friend's daughter cried all the time, most of the time, for no good reason and she soon got her period. She was also eleven years old. Good luck though and if you havent already, you probably need to have the period talk!
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