Is this wrong?
So I have watched them for her a few times.. no big deal or so you would think!
The thing is her 4 year old is so stressful to watch. He is the most disrespectful child I have ever met... and I have watched a lot of kids in my life. One day he just called me an "asshole" the whole time. He takes toys away from his little brother and my daughter, he yells loudly, does things in spite of me saying no. Seriously, the list could go on!
She asked me to watch them for her tonight while she goes to class for 3 hours and her husband camps in front of Target (or some store) to get the new playstation. This time I just said "Your son really stresses me out, and I'd rather not, but if you can't find anyone else to watch them I will do it. I don't want this to ruin our friendship"
She knows her son is out of control.. she talks to me about it all the time. So she must understand. However, I get this feeling she is mad at me and will start giving me the cold shoulder.
Why do I feel so guilty about this?
Answer:
Simplify,
The education and manners is just a reflection of parents character in one way or another. Tell your best friend that if she wants you to keep babysitting her kid, to make him behave.
If this keep going your kids will end up like their kids. Is easier to learn bad manners than good ones.
It is wrong to write all that (and expect me to read it) after a deceivingly short (introductory) question.
You should feel guilty about that.
Okay, I just read your long question(description of the situation).
You really sound like a people-pleaser, and I hope you will soon STOP at the cost of making yourself miserable.
Good luck becoming more forceful and standing up for YOU and your rights (and your own comfort and happiness).
PS. I'm sure you're not the only one to turn her down - she'll likely get over it and just have to force him on someone else.
Because you apparently care about your friendship, and she doesn't. Stop feeling guilty. She is taking advantage of you.
PERHAPS FOR THE SONS BEST INTERESTS, THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE.
GOD BLESS
You have no reason to feel guilty,. Good for you standing up for yourself. You were being used. I wouldn't want my daughter to spend time with that kid either. Her husband should find a new list of priorities. Your promise was if the husband had to work, not play
Becaus eshes your friend... so your going to feel guilty if you friend doesnt understand, well its her problem not yours... she will get over it
everybody feels guilty if they say something bad to their friend
Don't feel guilty about it she is the one that should feel guilty.
Her husband can take the brat with him.
I think both you and the 4-yo need to have a talk, without his/her mother. If he won't listen then punish him. When you are babysitting, you are the supreme ruler, no questions asked. Make sure they know that. If that doesn't work, then tell your friend he needs structure and it also sounds like if the husband would rather wait for a video game than watch his kid, mabey he needs to spend more time with his kid, Mom too.
You shouldn't feel guilty about this, if anyone should feel guilty its your friend, because she knows that her 4 year old son is out of control. You should not take the abuse from this child. She should find herself another baby sitter or drop the kids of at one of her family members.
You cannot feel guilty if minding her children makes you feel stressed. I think I would have footed his bum if he called me an asshole, so his mother should be grateful you have tolerated it so far. If your friend cannot appreciate your feeling this way you should then question just how much of a friend she is. Ultimately the child is his parents responsiblity both for being looked after and for his behavior and nowhere could it be said that he is your responsiblity.
You feel guilty cause your a good friend and a good person.she shouldnt get mad at you for this.. she should understand! plus, the dad should take care of his kids instead of getting a playstation!
Because she is only thinking of herself and her needs and is making you feel guilty. She should just appreciate what a good friend you are to have done it as much as you have especially if she knows how uncontrollable her son is. Don't feel bad and don't let her manipulate her into doing it. If she gets mad than she's a small person and not a good friend. Sounds like she only cares that she gets someone to watch him. Good luck.
Who cares if she's mad at you? It's her kid...let HER deal with him. Don't feel guilty. It's obvious this kid needs to have a parent's foot inroduced to his little @S*!
... because you made a promise without asking for probation period. Tell her that you tried, but unless she allows you to use your own methods of discipline- you will not continue watching him. Sit down with her and talk about what methods to use that will make a difference... that will make the child behave better towards other people.
You feel guilty that the truth hurt your friend. You did the right thing by telling her the truth, and you shouldn't feel bad for being an honest friend, but you might want to sit down with her and tell her the specifics as to why you won't baby sit for her child anymore. I think if you let her know what he is up to, hopefully she will realize something is not right with her son. Suggest that he goes to a certain daycare that specializes in behavior problems with kids. Good luck!
you don't have to be..you did the right thing..you first have to think about your own daughter..and that boy could give harm to her,or have a bad influence on her..you say she knows baout how disturbing her son is...if she cared about your friendship as much as you do, she would never put you in a situation like that..
dont feel guilty.
as ceasar milan would say, its not the dog who is the problem, its the owner. or in this case, the parents are responsible for this devil.
look, the father is going to CAMP THE **** OUT TO BUY HIM A PLAYSTATION??!??!?!
and what did the kid do to deserve one? call his father a ***** and piss on his sibling?
obviusly they cant control the kid, and they know it. if they are going to add to the problem by spoiling him more, then i wouln't care, nor would i do them any favors.
if my kid ever called anyone an a**hole, i would slap him across the mouth.
if your friend is going to push a guilt trip on YOU because SHE can t take her own son, whom SHE made into a spoiled little bastard, then she is not a true friend, and is manipulating you with guilt to get her own failure off her hands.
Guilt comes from having a conscience. Bleh... sad fact about humans. Bottom line, you should NOT feel guilty about it. She KNOWS her son is out of control, and for her to not even attempt to do anything to fix this is total BS. It's the parents' fault... definitely the dad, too. He shouldn't be "camping out" anywhere for a stupid game system! First of all, waste of money... wait until it's cheaper. Secondly, his negligence for his children is too great, and what's more, he's actually REWARDING them with games for their behavior! What the f*ck? They have no right to be ticked off with you because you said the truth (and even said it in a relatively nice way). I would've been like, "You're son is out of control. You HAVE to discipline him more! You can't just let him get away with this stuff because if he does it now, he'll keep the habit of swearing and defiance until FOREVER. Do SOMETHING!" ... but with cuss words. So don't feel bad about it.
You shouldn't feel guilty, your friend is being unfair and you had every right to say no.Why does her husband give more priority to getting a play station than looking after the child?
You feel guilty because your a mom & you understand how you would feel if someone said "you kid is a monster". Its a tricky thing becuase you have to do what is right for you - I UNDERSTAND about having a kid like that around! You can't have it.
I suggest just talking to her. Call her & ask her to go for a coffe, or dinner - just you 2 ladies. Speak to her from your heart and dont't bend the facts just because she is hurting - be her freind & Im sure she will understand.
You should realize that you are not the first person to tell her that her son is too much. They really need to get him some help! Especially if their other child is not like that.
Also, Im sorry but you may loose her as your freind too.
You arent doing the wrong thing. Just support her, and call her and keep talking to her. She is probably very, very humilliated.
Yes she probably is mad at you it is o.k for us to talk about our kids but if somebody else does it we do not like that I am mad at my brother for the same thing.
you feel like you are being taken avantaged of
You feel guilty because she is making you feel guilty.
I really feel sorry for the boy. He is going to have a very difficult life and a lot of hard lessons to learn when he gets out into the real world.
I truly feel people should be screened before they are allowed to have children. This is a perfect example.
sounds like his mommy needs to learn how to discipline her child.. Its not your problem. ANd I don't blame you for not wanting to watch him for her if he can't even be respectful towards the adults in the house.. tell her daddy can take the champ with him to go camping at target for a ps3.. its really not your responsibility, never feel guilty because you wanted to save your own sanity.Plus, do you want your daughter acting like the monster does? she would of picked it up if you allowed him to come over. kids shouldn't act like that. And if mine did, they would have rosey a** cheeks and a bar of soap in there mouths.. mine know better.
You will be doing society a big, big favour by if you can find it in yourself to spend the time and effort to instill some discipline in her 4 year old.
there are alot of children that way anymore its a problem in society there are alot of abusive adults in the court who abuse children society has come down so hard about this they act like its a crime to spank kids i bet she dont spank the child and you probably dont either mabe you would like to tell mom you would like to that the biggest problem with todays kids is they dont get diciplined enough
You feel guilty because you more than likely were shamed into doing things when you were younger. Guilt is a sign that you have done something wrong. In this case, you haven't done anything wrong. You need to realize that you can't please everyone all the time and you aren't responsible for everyone else's life. You aren't God. The best thing you can do for your friend is tell her the truth like you did and encourage her to get help for her son before he gets older and displays more out of control behaviors.
If she gives you the cold shoulder that is further evidence that not only does the son have problems with his behavior, the mother does as well. The next time you feel guilty about something, you need to ask yourself what you did wrong. What are you feeling guilty about? It is likely you will discover that there are many times you haven't done anything wrong, but you have a habit of taking the blame for things or being shamed for assertive behavior. You likely were not permitted to have a voice when you were younger and sometimes, now that you are older, you speak up and something inside you says.you should be ashamed of yourself.
Know matter what she loves her child and when she hears anything bad about her child it makes her feel bad. But. No one deserves to be treated like you have been treated. It is a hard thing to do but you have to take care of yourself first or no one else will. You have done the right thing. No matter how mad it makes her.
Don't feel guilty. You do however need to talk to your friend. It seems to me that the little boy is in need of some attention from his parents. If both parents are gone all the time then it may be the boy does not feel like he should have to behave. I know from experience that if the problem is not addressed with then it will just get worse. But the best thing you can do is talk to her.
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