READY TO TURN CHILD OVER To...?
WE REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO HE IS TROBLE ALL THE TIME AT SCHOOL // HE HAS BEEN KICKED OFF THE BUS SO MANY TIME THAT NOW WE HAVE TO DRIVE HIM TO AND FROM // HE WAS KICKED OUT OF DAYCARE//
I HAVE A DAUGHTER AT HOME AND I KNOW THAT THIS MUST BE GETTING TO HER. WE REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WE CAN NOT CONTROL HIM AT ALL, HE TOLD US THAT IF WE EVER HAVE ANOTHER KID THAT HE WOULD KILL IT, I FEAR FOR MY DAUGHTER SHE IS ALMOST 8, WE CANT EVEN LET THEM PLAY TOGETHER BECAUSE IF SOMETHING DOSE NOT GO HIS WAY HE GETS SO MAD THAT I KNOW HE WOULD HUET HER.//IF HE DOSE I WOULD KILL HIM.
WE ARE THINKING ABOUT TURNING HIM OVER TO THE STATE,
QUESTION IS DOSE ANYONE KNOW WHAT 2 DO / OR HAVE U TRUNED YOUR KID OVER
Answer:
This might be hard to read but it is my opinion. I believe that our kids are a product of their environment. Having said that I realize there are also things outside our control. If we feed our kids a high sugar diet we have to pay the consequences that they may develop health problems.
I believe that the same is true with how we act in front of our children. If we as parents yell and scream and rage at each other in front of our kids then they learn that that is the way to behave. The first 4-5 years of children's life is when most of their mental development takes place. What have you exposed your child to?
When this child was 1-2 years old he should have been taught that he isn't in charge of his life...you parents were.
Teaching a child to obey their parents in a loving safe home has a lot of future benefits to it. Along with obediance comes respect, submition, who's in authority, Kindness and all the other aspects of being a productive member of society. Kids long to have boundries to test over and over, again and again.
If you failed to teach this child these things then I can see why he is acting the way he is. He believes that he is the King of his life and no one is listening to him...the King. He is trying to maintain power the best way he knows how. He thinks he's in charge, and you better listen or he will controll life around him the best way he can. If this thinking doesn't change just wait until he get to 12-16 years old with hormones. You thinks life is hell now?
The other thing I noticed is you said "his son" and "my daughter". I am not any one's judge that's for sure; but if there has been the death of one of the parents or a divorce then he just might be very very mad, and lost his respect for his parents. You know hurting so deep.
Here is another thought. Sometimes we as adults need to grow up. It takes 12 to 15 years to get to know your mate. The first fews years can be very tough. Some where along the way this child has learned this behavior at home from his family.
Good luck.
Quit writing in capitals.
You can't just turn kids over to the state when the going gets tough...you have to look for more options.
LMAO! You have your CAPS LOCK ON! Hahaha...press the button that says "Caps Lock" and you won't have to hold the "shift" key to get lower case letters...lol.
Sounds to me likehe has ADD or ADHD. I say this becuz of the way he "looks at you like no ones home." I babysat a kid back when I was 16 who did the same thing. You'd tell him time for bed and he'd just go limp and look at the floor. I would have to physically drag him at times to bed. Sometimes he'd resist and start kicking and make like a weird sound. The best thing to do was to talk to him. Not let him zone out like that. I found talking to him about what was about to happen helped him. The acting out in school and on the bus also sound like ADD or ADHD. But the part about him saying he would kill a new baby that makes me think he might have some issues with him not feeling loved and wanted. Becuz he is bad he may feel unloved. Him acting out might be his way of getting attention. Haveyou tried ignoring him when he acts this way? Or praising him when he does little good tings like put up his shoes? Also he might just want some one on one time with you guys without your daughter. Maybe you could make a day just for him. Like take him to McDonalds or the park to play. Sometimes kids have problems. I don't think this is reason to send him away. I feel his problem is he doesn't feel accepted by you and your bf. I think he just needs love. Also maybe you could try some church?
You need to look for more options. You can't just give up one child because you can't handle him. The state will tell you to find something that works or give up both. Sorry you're having troubles but that's life and the risk we take when we have sex and make babies.
Has he been in counseling? You can't just drug a kid to make him behave. There could be several things wrong. Have you gotten him a physical? Many children act out when something is physically wrong. Meds don't work unless they are treating the right problem. Treating symptoms without a clear picture of what is wrong is dangerous. Obviously he has issues but as the parent, it's your job to do your best. I would ask social services for advice on programs that could help him.
If he is threatening to kill or hurt your other children you should look into a mental health facility. Perhaps the doctors are thinking ADD or ADHD medicine when they should be thinking anti-psychotics.
I'm sorry you have to go through this but you should contact your local hospital about getting him committed for 72 hrs to evaluate his possible psychosis.
Like the first poster said, quit typing in caps. that is tantamount to "shouting" on message boards. Makes me wonder if are the type of person who beleives that the only way to get attention is by being loud and obnoxious (which would explain your son's problems completelty)The state isn't going to just "take" your son because you want to "hand him over". THEY will first put him into therapy at your expense and have him evaluated. Something is amiss and either you haven't had him to the right types of doctors or the ones you have seen have missed something. He despearately needs to be evaluated psychologically and THEN put on meds to counter act whatever is wrong. Sounds like a chemical imbalance (bipolar?). Oh and it does take time for these meds to start taking effect, at least 3-6 monhts. You can't just quit them after only a couple of weeks.
But please stop the caps...to me it indicates immaturity at best
I agree with Wonkas. Just because you're kid is having problems and you can't deal, doesn't mean you just give them up. Have you sent the child to any sort of counseling or psychiatric help? They may have better insight in this situation rather than you're everyday family doctor. Also, maybe meds aren't the answer to this. Don't ask him why he's doing something, send his butt to his room, take away tv, radio, phone, friends until he gets his stuff together. You guys are the adults and you really need to be teaching him actions and consequences. If that's not the case, then maybe he just needs a new doctor with a new answer. Good luck and don't give up.
I don't know enough about your child and his medication history to say anything definitive, but have you or your doctors considered a bipolar diagnosis and medications as even a possibility?
Rages, aggression, psychotic/bizarre behavior can often be helped by the same medicines as bipolar meds. If he has been treated with bipolar meds, have the docs tried atypical antipsychotics?
Sometimes a child and family can fall victim to misdiagnosis and incorrect medications, such as stimulants or antidepressants can induce psychotic and manic episodes. If you are near a large city, the link below should have a list of hospital and pediatric psychiatrists who are open minded about meds, treatments and treating difficult children. They may give you the option of inpatient hospitalization in which they can stabilize him on a med regimen before giving him back--which is probably a better first option than giving him up altogether! Good luck. Mental illness can tear at the fabric of a family and you deserve some expert help.
Edit: You definitely cannot turn your child over to anyone. If anything, his instability and psychosis puts him at risk as a danger to himself, and mark him as improperly and insufficiently cared for. You may have tried to help him, and in spite of this, the govt will not remove him (they are already overwhelmed with abandoned and abused children with no homes). They will, however, intervene to see that he is stabilized. Psychosis and mania are seriously dangerous states to patient and those around him. You need to contact the local DCFS to ask for the state's mental health and child/family resources. Explain the situation. If they know you have gotten to this point wanting to give him up, they will take the problem seriously.
I read a few of your other posts, it doesn't seem like there is a very stable home life. I am guessing that discipline and family routines are missing in your home life.
Stability is very important to children. Routine is very important. Children naturally test limits, if you are inconsistent in your application of rules and limits, your child will quickly learn that he is in control of the environment. You need to be in control, that is your job as a parent.
I recommend that you do what you are able to do to stabilize your environment. You may want to use positive reinforcement like Star Charts (when your child has good behavior, he gets a star) also chore charts (a list of activities that need to be done, when the activities are complete, priveledges are made available to the child).
Another thing that may be helpful is reading the book "1-2-3 Magic", it outlines an effective behavior management technique and provides the reader with an interesting perspective on the dynamics between parents and children.
I hope this is helpful.
first of all i dont think turning kids over is an answer to anything. does the kids see his mom at all? cause in the begining you said "his kid". so im guessing he isnt yours right? well i have some experience in this cause i have a brother that sounds like that, and my mom doesnt even think of turning him over thats not even an option. what i think this sounds like is a cry out for attention. he probably thinks you are taking his dad away from him. has his dad taken him out for a boys day out. just them two? that would be an option. maybe you could take him out on day out and talk to him telling him that his behaviors are not right and that you want to help him. i also work in a foster home and see kids with this problem to and i feel for these kids. has he heard you guys or have you told him that maybe you should put him up? if so maybe he feels that maybe hes not wanted as much as your daughter is. i think you guys need to evaluate the situation and tell him you love him and that taking him to doctors will help him get better so you guys can be a better family. PLEASE JUST HELP HIM INSTEAD OF TRYING TO GET RID OF HIM KIDS ARE PRECIOUS.
well there is a natural supplement called calm child and it helps children that are like yours and its natural it wont hurt him and i suggest a psychiatrist to help him deal with whatever anger he is dealing with
i have a cousin whose son is exactly like that he does have add or adhd one of those. but what really made it worse is that my cousin had a new husband that wasn't his natural father and made his life a living hell. since his life was a living hell they said he was going to make their one too.
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