How to deal with a hyperactive, hypersensitive and very obstinate child ?
Answer:
It sounds like you are affected by her sensitivity and maybe not just irritation at the crying? You and mom need to dissociate from the emotional blackmail and stop reacting to the crying and demands. A 4 year old can't really abstract the meaning of no or the purpose of the courtesy you're giving her. All she knows is she has you over a barrel.
At this point--don't do what she wants and don't give her the attention she wants at inappropriate times (bedtime, teaching etc) but DO continue to be warm and empathic and responsive at appropriate times when she's not trying to manipulate you. Life and preschool are going to be far less accomodating so you're doing her a favor of easing her into harsh reality by not getting her way. This may result in a week of sleeplessness and misery, but until she learns she's not the boss no matter how much she screams or is upset your lives will be miserable anyway.
I'm assuming you don't feel comfortable with corporal punishment. A stern authoritative "no" and explanation that she has to stop crying or else no [insert activity] is sufficient discipline for someone who can't abstract beyond "this is the way it is" and basic cause/effect. Once you take the household back, I think you and mom'll have no problem from there!
A teacher can probably help guage whether you need to seek professional intervention when she starts pre-school. Good luck!
spank her a-r-s-e
It never ceases to amaze me how some parents give their children control. You have to start young. If you give her the reigns she's going to drive. She's not old enough to drive. Read your question again. You are letting a 4 year old control your life. It's not good for her. You aren't issue. She is. She needs you to be more firm and she needs you to be the disciplinarian. Your solution is simple. Start setting rules down before she's too old.
First of all you may want to see a developmental psychologist to ensure that this is just a behavior problem that needs to be corrected and if so they will help you work out a plan that is age appropriate to her development. They can also do testing to see if there is another cause for the behavior. Early intervention is key. Plus you want to make sure that you work on this before she has to go to Kindergarden. Good luck!
It is possible that you coddled her too much at a young age. However, she is aware that you are uncomfortable with disciplining her now. As long as she isn't hurting herself, let her cry it out. I always told them they could be angry and cry, but go in the other room, I didn't want to hear it. Being independent will eventually be an asset. All you should do now is commend her independence but tell her that you will show her how to do something and when to eat, etc. This should be "fixed" before she enters school. Consistency is necessary and not carrying out with consequences will harm your daughters development.
YOU as parents handed her complete control and now that it's out of control you want to WHINE about it. YOU created the monster you admit it yourself. And you expect someone else to get you out of it? The only PRACTICAL solution is to go back to the beginning which isn't going to be easy because SHE isn't going to like it and there will be major tantrums and major upheaval. You start out by letting her know what is and is not acceptable behavior and what you as her PARENTS expect of her. Then EVERYTHING except food, clothing, and a roof over her head get taken away. Everything must be EARNED from now on, earned by her behavior. Television time is to be limited to not more than one hour a day IF she behaves. If she wants a video same goes, if she wants time on the computer same goes. Of course if she has a favorite stuffy (stuffed animal/blanket/toy) she sleeps with you don't take that one away. Like I said she won't like it because she has been in control all of this time and you have allowed her to get away with it. If you want things to change then YOU as her parents will have to do your JOB and parent her. But it won't be easy and it won't happen overnight...it could take a very long time, and it might not change. It's up to you though.
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