My 11 yr old daughter keeps stealing money off us...?
Her dad caught her with £2 the other weekend and she told 6 different stories, got her mate involved in her lies and daughter refuses to pick phone up and say sorry.
She had her dvd and ps2 taken away, tonight will be the tv. She vehemently denied taking anything and blamed her sister.then she says that she'll give it back out of her pocket money this weekend (open admission then)
I don't give her pocket money, as she does absolutely nothing around here to 'earn' it. Her dad gives her pocket money but he has barred her from pocket money for 3 weeks, due to her telling some vicious lies and not showing any remorse for anything.
Any ideas? Her therapist says she's on her way to a conduct disorder and that she has ODD oppositional defiant disorder.
What else can I do, apart from a swift kick up the backside?
Am at my wits end.
Thanks for your help/advice.muchly apreciated!
Answer:
She is 11yrs old so if you don't do something now its gonna be useless when she is 16. You cannot hit a 11year old. That is abuse because you would really have to stick it to her and that just proves to her that you hit when you are mad. Keep her in couselling for sure but there has to be a drastic measure for her stealing and hitting her sibling. I would suggest getting a camera of some sort and proving to her beyond a doubt that it is her and not her sister that is stealing from you. Set her up where she cannot deny it. Once you have shown her that you know for sure she is stealing take everything away from her. If you have to ground her to her room 7 days a week then too bad. She can earn going out. She is 11 and 11 year old is still to young to go out to the malls and hanging out without parental supervision. They are too easily persuaded. IF you have to take everything out of her room except the bed and dressers and make her earn all her stuff back.
give her chores, and if she does her chores, she gets money. if she doesn't do her chores, she doesn't. as far as ODD good luck on that one, that's tough to deal with. and to keep her off of stealing. perhaps you and dad should handle the oney from now on. open saving accounts and deposit the allowance that they want to save in it, as opposed to using piggy banks. the only thing i can suggest about your pocket book and pockets is to try to not have any change in them. it's a temptation for her. you might see if her therapist has any ideas also
I used to steal money from my parents, grandparents, anyone else around when i was younger, bout 11 years old. I never went to school, did anything I should and no-one could help me. They thought I was a wayward child and no one really tried to understand, they thought I was a trouble maker. The reason I did these things was because I was being sexually abused by my eldest brother and, as a child, didn't really understand it, apart from knowing it was wrong. The fear is something a child can never explain to an adult. I hope that your child isn't experiencing anything like this and Im not trying to upset u, just giving you my experience.
Other things to consider: Bullied at school, upset with something at home.
Please do not just write her off as a troublemaker, try to flip the situation around and see what it is thats bothereing her. i promise it IS something and she really does need your help, not anger!
Good luck
BTW therapists tried to label me with one disorder or another, wrote me off totally. Sometimes they DO NOT know anymore than u do, and they are not always right
my sister (16)started this way at around the same age, and hopefully your daughter doesnt go this route, but now shes hanging out with the wrong crowd, stealing and selling my moms laptop, cell phone, using her credit cards, stealing not only my car, but my moms also. not to mention shes on all sorts of drugs. and now my mom wants to make it all better by spending time with her. you need to take action before it gets worse. im glad you took away her recreational items, and i think she should continue with the therapist and figure out WHY shes doing all this. how old os her sister? she could possibly be jealous of her and doing all this for attention. spend as much time with her as you can.
okay, if you are not disciplining her then you are part of the problem!
-Janet
you need to discipline you daughter. she is running wild and stealing things from her FAMILY. that isn't cool at all take away all of her stuff and she isn't allowed to watch any TV and must stay in her room until she learns her lesson. make her earn all of her stuff and freedom back. give her chores and have your other children lock up their money. give them locks or something. DO NOT let your daughter continue to act this way or she will never change. you must discipline her and that doesn't mean you have to hit her! just take away things that mean something to her. she will get over a slap in 15 minutes but if you take away privileges and her friends she will be miserable and learn her lesson
I hope that my advice is helpful, my younger sister who is twelve had the same bout last year only she was taking things from my older sister and I like money, lipgloss, earrings and other jewellery. I gave her the swift kick alright..but it did nothing. My dad devised a plan where she could get pocket money and he'd take her to the mall every other week to get stuff so she wouldn't take anyone else's again she had to work for the money. It worked for a while..a short while. So we started to invade her space and take her things that were personal.. I think that's a pretty bad way to teach alesson but it worked.
ur daughter is evidently in bad company. she is trying very hard to prove herself to her school/ friends --some crowd somewhere. u'll have to talk a lot to her. ask her about her friends, and whom she likes and what does like doing. don't be a mom, not even a friend--just a regular woman. somone who is curious what 11year olds do.
next, i'd advice u to get her involved in community service. she evidently is not happy with the home situation. let her see and work with the underprivilaged. enroll her as a volunteer somewhere or get her to be a scout. she needs to go out and get a feel of the world. there must be some program of the local church where u can enrol her. let her go.
but when ever she wants to talk to you, be there. as of now she is not understanding how much you do for her, and what she means to you. a little bit of exposure with people who are not so lucky, will make her value you.
i just pray everything goes ok. it is a difficult situation.god bless u.
This may sound dumb but make her write standards. My kids hate writing standards so it is very effective when they get out of line.
Standards are repetitions of the same sentence over and over:
"I will not borrow without asking"
At age 11 I would say make her write it at least 50 times. Front and back of the paper. Tell her if she does a sloppy job she will have to write 2 more sentences for every sloppy one.
Hey, it works for me.
punish her! ur part of the problem! u have to talk to her and maybe make her stay in her room, except for meals! [for a wee or so] also, buy a safe that only u and ur housband know. keep all money, walets and pursses in there
First, I'd fix her so called "oppositional defiant disorder" with a very good whipping with the belt. You have probably always spoiled her and let her get everything she wants from a young age. Now she is simply continuing the pattern of being used to getting everything she wants and throwing a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. Don't believe all these doctors. They are full of s*hit. Tell her dad to take her and give her a good beating on the ***. You will see that she will lose the "oppositional defiant disorder" really fast after a few well deserved beatings on her @ss. Don't let her get away with it anymore. Let her know that the consequences are about to get real severe if she acts up.
Talk to the police and see if you can set up a fake "arrest". The police come and talk to her, tell her she is a suspect and they have to take her to the police station. When she gets there, they fingerprint her, take her picture, and put her in a cell for a few hours until you come and bail her out. If you can, involve the mate if the parents are willing.
Never let on that this is not real. She will not know what is going on and have plenty time to think about her actions. And she will stumble over her words because she already knows how to lie to you, but not police officers.
My father did this for a couple of friend's deviant children and it straightened them out for the most part.
My father was an officer and my brother and I were put in a cell for 2 hours when we were 12 and 14. He was just showing us what the conditions were like and when we went into a cell, he locked the door on us. Listening to the other prisoners in the other cells yell, scream, complain, etc. scared the crap out of us as we did not know when we were getting out! And we did nothing wrong!
why does a thief get any pocket money at all? that's the first thing that should stop. i say a swift kick is just what she needs. light up her backside every time she pulls her stuff, and she'll quit soon enough. and why does she have a choice in apologizing to her friend for involving her in her lies? she should be made to, if you have to drag her every step of the way. calling being a brat a "disorder" doesn't help, either. it gets her out of being responsible for herself and her actions. try limiting her access to things she can take. don't leave your purse unattended, or any other money for that matter. restrict which rooms she can go into, and stay on top of her all the time if that's what it takes. she'll get tired of being followed to the bathroom. even if she doesn't stop stealing, she won't have the opportunity to steal from you. and she can be made to pay restitution--through physical work--to those outside the home that she steals from.
maybe try making her a deal: if she wants something that costs money (makeup, purse, etc) she should write it on a list you keep somewhere public (fridge maybe) and then you guys can sit down together and figure out a way that she can earn it. This can apply to her sister as well so she doesn't feel like it's punishment. (and you can get lots of chores done around the house this way!)
have the biggest talk with you daughter and use the how would you feel if trick[its worth a shot]
then if that doesnt work and th eherapy doesnt work then use the big one teh whole enchalada,the tapodong of all paranting ,try nanny 911.
A good old fashioned spanking. She is not near to old for a good spanking. Mind you I don't mean a few swats, I am talking about a spanking right out of the 50s pants/underwear down over the lap for a good long time. I have a 10 year old daughter who I would have no problem spanking if required. Better to do in now, before it's to late. SHE NEEDS CONSEQUENCES for breaking rules
hi im 14 and i went through the same thing when i was about ten!! my mom caught me with about 40$ and her debit card . she didnt even wait she signed me up for lots of activies like swim lessons , gymnastics etc to keep me busy .. she had a long talk with my teachers and if the see one thing wrong with me or someone bothering me they immeditally would alert her. it made me busy and happy because i got loads of attention! maybe all your daughter needs is the same sort of watchfull program s and talks with people she sees every day like teachers ,friends and daycare workers etc.. just try it it helped me get back to being myself !!
The answers post by the user, for information only, FeelBaby.com does not guarantee the right.