Step Parenting?
My stepdaughter has been comming to me and asking me why i dont come to her plays or school for lunch or any of her events. And we dont know about them, we had a parent teacher conf, and the teacher send homes events ( like picture day) every monday, well by the time we get to see the daughter, her mother has taken the paper and says it's put up, or lost or some excuse. We figured the daughter will let us know. Well her teacher called asking about daughters picture day money, we didn't knwo about it. Now neither of us can stand the mom, my guy and me...how can we tactfully say hey, why arnt u including us in daughters events, why are you keeping us out the loops..now keep it in mind, she is a drama queen and bipolorer...so how can we approch?
Answer:
Had the same problem I have 2 step daughters 7 and 5 1/2, their mother doesn't attend anything and the school and even if my husband is out of town I now go. My husband went to the teacher and explained the sitauation, she was all to willing to give us her cell # and we agreed she would e-mail me whats going on in the class and the school on a weekly basis. I haven't missed and even yet.
Good luck, I think most teachers are willing to step in, they hate to see their "kids" dissappointed, and want to make home life as good as possible.
have the teachers call you when an event comes up.
Your husband needs to contact the school secretary and ensure HE and his address are on the mailling lists and contact lists as well. You can also take the ex back to court for failing to uphold the child custody agreement (given that it is written that both parents are notified, etc.) Have your hubby's attorney contact her attorney, maybe you can stay out of court that way. Put it in WRITING always. Above all DO NOT involve the child by giving her the added responsibiltiy of making sure that SHE tells you. It isn't her fight.
Your soon to be husband has as many parental rights as the mother and he should be able to request mailings from the school. The mothers lack of cooperation should not be a controlling factor in this matter. I'm quite sure the school will be very accomodating in this matter.
Not an easy answer to that question no matter how smart anyone is, thats a hard question...but, I'll try to give it a shot. With people that are bi-polar you have to ease into a conversation that is that serious. Just start out with the normal..."there's been something on my mind and I feel that we need to talk about it?" Then start the conversation from there be as nice and polite as possible though...you don't want to end up into an argument over someone (the child) that you care so much about. She doesn't need to see or hear you guys arguing it's not the life that she asked for, so try to keep it a conversation.
Avoid contact with her in person or on the phone. More than likely it will result in negative contact. Email her instead. That way no one has to be face to face or voice to voice(on the phone) and t everything is well documented in black and white for future reference if need be.
As far as school and plays and the like, contact the school on Monday every week, talk to the teacher, principal, whoever need be and ask if there are any functions, confrences, etc. planned for that week. Or better yet, pick her up from school once a week if you already don't, and ask someone then.
Your husband has a right to know about these things, however his ex-wife hiding this stuff is not punishable in a court of law. It's more just her being immature, and not seeing that it is hurting her daughter. So make sure you say kind things about the mom to the child, and leave whats going on with the adults out of her knowledge. Make the effort to get the info how I said, maintain your composure atthe events even if it's hard and the child will catch on soon to her moms ways.
I suggest you and your husband make arrangements with the mom and her husband for a serious discussion about you and your husband's concerns. It is best that the child is no where around during the meeting just in case things get out of hand. You all have to set up some kind of boundaries and agree to whatever it is you decide...and do not deviate from it. I do not know why the mom is not including you two, but I'm sure he has her reasons/motives. If she is still not including you guys after your meeting, simply go through the courts. That is sad to say, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Good luck!
Oh, I also do not recommend that you go through the school/teacher. It is none of their business. They do not need to know what is going on in your household. You and the mom have to form some type of relationship where you two respect one another's roles. If you go to the school behind her back, she may feel a certain kind of way about that, then attempt to keep the kid away from you two for good. Confront her in a tactful and respectful way.
Contact the childs teacher and ask her to email you a copy of each weeks events letter. Then you will know. The school will send it to you because he is her father.
wow - for one - she is not yours!! you need to butt out. step parents have no rights. my x husbands new wife has no say so in my daughters life. i made that clear when i found out they married.
Contact the school and ask if they could mail you a calendar of events and ask for the teacher's e-mail address.
my brother is bipolar also so i know how that is but talk to your step-daughters teacher and ask him or her if they will notify you IN ADVANCE of anything coming up .good luck
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