15 year old, looks at porn, lies.what next?
Answer:
if you havent already, now would be the perfect time for that sex talk.
More and more teens/pre teens are having sex.i subbed one day for 6th grade and one girl was talking about what she and her boyfriend did...*oh dear* i was in shock. Talk to the child about sex, let him ask questions, you ask questions, etc.
also, remember...teenage years suck. They get more rebellent and defiant...but remember, YOU ARE the parent...they HAVE to listen to you.m Spankings, grounding or other punishment- dont be afraid to enforce it. If you dont fix the problem now, it will only get worse.
If you catch him on a lie...keep questioning him about it..if he continues with the lie, punish him (give him the chance to confess) punish him everytime. stay consistent,
Good LUck
um...remove his computer from the internet Dad.this isn't rocket science.
Better stop em b4 he gets addicted
make sure you tell him its okay to be curious and looking is alright...
and that your angry and he doesn't need to lie..
cause otherwise.. he'll end up being more secretative
Your telling me you didnt look at porn or jerk off when you where 15. lol come on there isnt much you can do besides not allowing it in the house cause if the kids wants he will.
Sounds like you're already handling the problem.
However, I doubt you didn't take a peek or two when you were his age, and I'm pretty sure you might have lied to stay out of trouble a time or two. Remember this when you discipline him.
he'll probably (if he hasn't already) begin having sex with others. He doesn't have a drivers liscence yet, so, it will be up to you to decide where he can and can't go (and when he gets a drivers liscence) My parents were very strict with me to make sure I didn't get any ideas.
look...kids look at porn...get over it
it's just pron.
It's normal. Just make sure he understands that real women don't look like that, and that those are actresses, that real women don't want to be treated that way.
My ex-husband was quite sure this was the way I should look and act, and I think it's because nobody caught him and set him straight. Porn's ok. Unrealistic expectations are not.
he is a teenager ...thats what teenager do...they explore they try to find them selves ...how were you when you were around that age? lieing he probably was cause he was embaressed.
Dont be to hard, set limits like 3 hour computer/day.and most important be a friend...you are on his side riight? then you need to show that and dont be all angry and mad yelling and making him feel embaressed.
Talk to him how you were when u were in that age to brea´k the ice...maybe you and him will be great friends and not only parenting son..
You know its pretty darn normal for this to be happening. He most likely is lying because he is embarassed more than lying itself. I would talk with him about it. He needs to feel like he can talk to you about anything. Thats what makes kids call their parents when they get in a bad situation. If he is scared to talk to you he will try to keep things from you. The big mistake is not informing him about the facts and risks of these kinds of behaviors. I think its fair to say that at one time or another we all probably looked at something in that arena. Good luck to you..
Someone alert the media! A 15yr. old that looks at porn & lies!! Come on! Don't you remember being 15? Hell, if computers were around when I was 15 and porn so accessable, I'd have sever carpal tunnel syndrom in my wrists! Cut him some slack, put the lock on, but remember, if he is curious, he will find a way to look at porn. We all did.
Say it isn't so! A 15 year old interested in sex!
Seriously, though. It is now up to you whether or not you want to take him aside and speak to him about sex, and how the use of porn is degradory to women, or how it isn't how he should see women, etc.that is entirely up to you. It is natural, especially for a 15 year old, to be curious about such things. You have to educate him properly.
He probably lied because he was embarassed. Don't make it a confrontation. Tell him that you did the same thing when you were his age, but it was magazines, not online.
Then find a proper outlet for the accidental confrontation. Take him to a movie, or a ballgame. Be the positive influence, and good luck!
you need to gain his trust. let him know how you felt when you were his age. If you catch him "jerking off" let him know that it is okay and everyone does it. He may not come out and tell you everything that he has done, but let him know that it is okay to come talk to you about these things. If you feel weird talking to him when he asks a certain question, let him know how you feel and to give you time to think about a good way to answer. don't lie to him about what is going on or you will lose his trust.
I am sure you looked at porn when you were that age and if you didnt, you wanted to. Kids lie about things because they think their parents will get mad at them. Why not sit down with him and talk to him, let him know that it is natural for him to watch that and be curious. If he has questions or concerns make sure you are there for him and you have an open mind. The first time you get mad or angry about something he will resort to lying again.
Make sure he knows that if he starts to have sex or be cusious about it, he needs to protect himself. Get a box on condoms and just put them in the bathroom. Say hey, i put some comdoms in the bathroom, so they are there when you need them. Your step son wont feel obligated to lie since he know you are on his side and you have provided him with protection. Kids have sex, its something you cant keep them from doing so you might as well educate them and protect them.
Good luck and remember to be open minded and be there for him. If you are his friend as well as his parent, he will respect you and wont lie.
When i was young i always lied and i was always in trouble. Once i got it through my head that my mom was really there for me and i could talk to her without her getting mad or judgemental my life was so much easier. If i wanted to drink she made sure i had a ride, if i needed to stay over or go to a friends house all i had to do was call in everynoe and then and i could stay as late as i wanted. As i got older i started to push the boundaries of what i could do and my mom would give me her opinion and leave it at that. Most of the time i would do it my way and then realize she was right. But she never told me i was wrong or shouldnt do it. She did all the things i did when she was young. Its a revolving door.
As a father you need to be there and your step son cant talk to him mom about stuff like this...you are the man of the house. Consider yourself lucky...alot of fathers dont get to help shape a childs life.
Is it really that bad? He knows what sex is, he hears and talks about it with his friends, and wouldn't you rather him be LOOKING at it then DOING it? He's 15! Hormones are kicking in full gear. If you took his computer away, he would find other ways to look at pornography. You should just make sure that he knows what safe sex is and that your educating him on STD's, pregnancy, etc... That's what I would be worried about.
maybe he is just wanting something to look at while he you know.
Then he didn't want you to know that he was looking at porn that is why he lied..I wouldn't worry so much right now until he gets a girlfriend then you will be worrying if he is using condoms.
Talk with him.
hmmm. id say its no big deal, hes of the age when theyre going to get thier hands on porn no matter what. sit down with his dad and decide how you both feel about it. my friends have a son of that age, and what they did was this. they got their son a small lock box, because they believe that a boy of that age needs at least one area thats completely private, (they usually come with two keys, keep one, but DONT let him know you have it, that way if you suspect drugs, you can check.) then his father moved his box of old playboy magazines into the garage, and "accidentally" left the lid partly open. (dont make it too obvious, youll only shame and embarrass him.) then he sent his son out there to clean things up, and sure enough, a few were missing. they made sure only playboys were out there because theyre not hardcore, and are more gratifying and glorifying to women. they dont debase or show them as whores. (i dont even think ive ever seen an actual shot of a girls nether region.) this teaches him that women are beautiful, and worthy of respect. it also gives him a way to satisfy his curiosity while being safe, and not seeing things you REALLY dont want him to see, like getting hardcore hustlers from his friends, or using a friends computer to look at really bad stuff. keep the lock on the computer, you dont want him to sign up for a site that will charge you out the wazoo. keep in mind that this is normal, and you dont want him to be ashamed of his curiosity or budding sex drive.
You know he wants to look at it because he is 15 and it is normal to try and find it somewhere. But, he was certainly embarassed when you caught him looking at it and that is why he lied to you.
He is normal and you do need to make sure he can talk to you and confide in things with you. Too much anger will push him away. The best thing to do is put the computer where it can be seen in addition to adding a filter.
Good for you for going to put on a parental lock. Appropriate punishment for the lying.Maybe you need to spend more time with him to find out what is going on with him sexually.
Pornography is a sin. It is not a victimless crime, it hurts everyone involved in it--from the actors to the viewer. I am putting a link to a great article about the harms of pornography under my "sources." Feel free to share this with your son. You can also share my story:
I was on the verge of marrying a man I loved, and a man who called me the "love of his life." But he had become addicted to pornography, and he eventually started lying to me about it as well. Believe me, you don't lie about something you are not ashamed of, and you are not ashamed of something that is perfectly "normal" or "okay" to do.
I choose not to marry him. About a year later, yet another man asked me to marry him, but he too had a pornography problem (though not as great as my first love). Again, I choose not to marry him. These men, by falling into the snares of pornography, were living indefinately in adolesence--they were living lifes of instant gratification and self-seeking pleasure. They had become incapable of fully loving a woman. They viewed women differently. They treated women differently. Because they had reserved the gift of their sexuality to themselves in pornography and masterbation, they were incapable of giving it to anyone else. Even though both of them wanted to "quit" the habit, they kept falling and I could not allow myself to be subjected to that in marriage--nor did I want any future children to be subjected to that.
After serious boyfriend #2, I was very gun-shy as you can imagine. But I met another man and I began to have feelings for him. But even before I agreed to date him, I put him on the spot--I asked him, "Have you ever looked at pornography?" I made sure I knew when the last time that had happened was (for him in college b/c his roommates had something playing that he could not avoid seeing when he walked into the room). I did not want to commit myself to a man who could not return his all in all back to me. And I am so SO glad I waited for a real man to come along. I am so happily married now.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen it--pornography kills love. Pornography encourages lust and lust is the opposite of love. And lust leaves you empty--always hungering for more but never giving you enough. Love fulfills all things. Love conquers all things. As a man, your son will the spiritual leader in his home (I don't mean supreme ruler--I mean initiator). His example, like your own now, sets the tone for the whole home. He can choose to love his wife and children fully, to the best of his ability and contribute to their happiness or he can deny his wife and children the fullness of his love, make his wife as though he is not attracted to her, and remain in perpetual adolesence. The choice is up to him.
Thanks for reading and God bless!
*shrugs* Don't bother with the lock... Remeber that as bright as you are with technology, your children are better. And they have more free time to think about it. What would you do with a three month summer vacation and a locked computer? Think about it.
you can install netdog porn filter, it will block all porn sites quitely in the background when your son's on the internet.
http://www.netdogsoft.com
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