Why am I always in the wrong with my stepdaughters mother?
Answer:
We are going through the same thing with my step-son. Unfortunately, his mother isn't helpful in the situation either. It's hard to say what to do here, as we're challenged with it too. We have talked to his mother about his weight, explained about watching too much TV, playing video games, eating junk. She claims she doesn't have junk in the house, which I just don't believe, but he tells us that they eat out all the time and you know how fattening restaurant food is! What we've decided is that when he is with us, we will continue our healthy eating habits and our exercise habits. When he's here in the summer we hardly ever watch TV, only an occassional movie. We read a lot and we are outside for most of the day. My step-son loses weight when he's with us too. I'd say talk to your husband. Tell him your concerns (healthy eating and exercise have to start young to stick) and as long as you too see eye-to-eye and support your healthy eating plan, you're doing well. As she gets older, she'll find that she feels better, sleeps better, looks better when she does things your way and that's really all we step-folks can hope for. Good luck! (OH! One more thought I just had was maybe you could put her on the regular lunch plan at school. If her mother is packing her lunch, there's no way that can be too healthy or the right portions. If you can afford it, you could pay for the lunch plan and maybe that could help too.)
you need to ask? She is jealous! Just feel sorry for her and ignore her, treat her with distance, grace and sympathy, she'll soon back off. Be nice at all times but distant. Don't give anyone the right to tell you off about how you spoke to her or treated her. Be a lady but not her friend.
Her mother sees your help as trying to take over. Her mother sees you as trying to be her mother. I know that is not what you are trying to do but you have to see through her eyes. The only thing you can do is either talk to your husband about it and let him handle it or just do what your doing which is feeding her healthy while you have her and exercising her.
Yes, you are trying to help her. If the child enjoys being with your family and isn't hungry, that is the best for her. She probably eats a lot at home because she has a void in her life or something. Maybe her mother likes to cook a lot. It would be good if the mother would prepare good, nutrious food for her as you do. Just do the best you can when she is with you.
sounds like u are doing a great job, HOWEVER the problem is not the issue with her weight coming from the real mom. it is YOU. You will always be wrong in the moms eyes. why? because u are not the real mommy. she is probley purposely not helping because that is something that is important to u. the problem is that the poor daughter is suffering from all this.
I think ur most defently doing the right thing, we need more adults like that to care for children who have that problem. Most parents allow there childrem to have as much snacks as they want, but u set boundaries, which most parents should think about doing. It seems as if the mother needs to learn a few things from you. I wouldn't stop i'd try and get the mother to understand, or u could have the daughter her self tell her mom that she wants to lose weight that's if she wants to. But ur most defently not in the wrong, keep it up!!
Wheres the father ? He should be backing YOU up in keeping her healthy...The mom just wants to exert control, so she does it with food..Mom's the good parent, I get whatever I want...
Step Mom is bad parent, she makes me be healthy.
Take her to a Dr and have the Dr talk to the Mom/Dad...or talk to a lawyer...this poor kid needs some consistancy in her life...
YOU are doing the right thing...but you need some help making Mom see the light..(if she ever will...) Therapy ? something to help you out..
Good luck !
I think you are doing a wonderful job keep up what you are doing maybe try getting your husband involved with talking to his ex about their daughters health you didn't say how old she was maybe when she gets older she will be able to care for her health if she learns from experience even if its just the little bit she gets when she's with you
Healthy meals and healthy snacks are what is right for a child; so, while I don't necessarily agree with giving children sweets on a regular basis (even if with meals), and while I think children may get hungry and may need a healthy snack at times, you're generally aiming to do the right thing as far as the food goes.
I don't, though, think it is your role to take it upon yourself to try to change the weight of another woman's child. This is the thing that is making you appear to her to be over-stepping your bounds.
Your husband should try to talk to the child's mother and see if both of them could talk together with her pediatrician to get some kind of consistent food plan if the little girl is heavy to the point where its a problem. This would eliminate differing opinions between her father and her mother.
Her weight is should be her father's concern and her mother's concern, and - really - it shouldn't be yours, even if you mean well.
Maybe the two parents of this little girl ought to go to court and have a mediator (or whoever) change the visiting plan or even custody arrangement in order to reduce the problem of yo-yo-ing, because I think you're right that that is unhealthy for the little girl.
Maybe, too, your husband could have his attorney talk with the mother and tell her that if the child comes back having lost some weight she should make some effort to reduce at least some of the fattening stuff the child eats or drinks; and while she may not want her growing child on a strict, low-calorie, diet she could probably cut out some of the junk and some carbohydrates in the interest of the child's health.
Sounds like mom is trying to keep her girl placated with food (perhaps to make her feel better for not having an ideal home situation) and sees your intervention as a threat to her efforts to make things good between her and child.
Perhaps it would be best to have a conversation about how much better she feels and has more breath etc, that involves the girl and her mother.
I seriously doubt she sees the childs poor diet as a threat - or not one that has a negative impact on the child anyhow.
Good luck - weight, no matter whose, is always a touchy subject.
I think it great that you have such a high interest in you daughters needs. It's great that the things you do with her are making a difference. But the fact is , is that she is with her mother MOST of the time and that what she does there you can't control. I'm a divorced father of two. I remarried and there step mother really tries to help them as much as she can. But with the fact that they live with there mother, has made her and me realize that there is only so much we can do to change certain habits they have. Remember, she is only 8 and it's up to her mother to help her as well. She is the first step in trying to help your daughter. I call her your daughter because when she is with you ...she is. Now your going to have a bit of a time with her .. as you know, but if you stick with it ...in a suggestive way, you might get some headway.
Good luck. Hope this helps
unfortunately no mother wants advise from a step mother, she created her and gave her life and she probably thinks your just an intrusion into their world. I really dont think there is anything you can do. her mother will do what she sees fit.
It's tougher for you to care for your step-children because she doesn't live with you. But when it comes to this issue, you have the right idea. You have to work through the father. It's not just her mother that is not taking this problem seriously, but her father needs to step up as well. But it has to go through him to get the three of you on the same page. It would be different if she mostly lived in your household, but that's not the case. If he agrees that your s-daughter needs to lose weight he needs to make the effort to work with the mother. And even more important than keeping your s-daughter from being overweight, is keeping the family unit healthy. And that's coming from a fitness freak who makes his step-daughter go to the gym and monitor her weight. But now she does it because she wants to, not because I make her. If her father can't talk sense into the mother, he's got to find a way to teach his daughter. with your help.
Yes you are doing the right thing but to the natural mother she sees you as interfering , no mother likes that i`m afraid . Its a shame really as this little girl is going to end up with weight related issues when she`s older if her mother can`t see past her selfishness .. All i can suggest now is when she does come for visits etc emphasise the need for a healthy diet shes at a good age now for this , educate her , my daughter is 10 and all she wants to eat is salad (her choice) she loves it but here in Scotland its winter !
Good Luck ..
I have a similar problem here with my stepdaughter's health - I think you are doing the right thing. You only want to help the little girl. I find maybe the same as you that if I dare to try and help my stepdaughter we get threats of that we won't see her again etc. The thing is I think that your stepdaughter's mum thinks that basically she is her mum and can't be told that she's wrong or what she is doing needs to change. It's sad but I've heard it happens a lot. Good luck with it, I can sympathise with you here.
Tell her you're going to report her for child abuse if she does not stop feeding the kid unhealthy food and depriving her of exercise. If you're prepared to fight, I reckon the political climate is right at the moment for you to win a landmark case. If she doesn't push that far - you'll win anyway.
It must be difficult being the only non-bias person who is looking at the situation objectively thinking, "It's so obvious!" Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to get your step daughter's mother to go along with you. No matter what you say or how you say it, you're going to sound like you know what's best for HER daughter and telling her how to raise HER daughter-she's never going to like that and will resent you every time. Even if you are right...which I think you are, you can't win.
Also, now I'm just speculating, your step daughter's weight is probably no all due to how she eats at her mom's house. Instead, it's probably has more to do with "emotional eating" b/c of her parent's divorce. I know, it sounds wrong that kids can be emotional eaters, but they can. So maybe, you should also encourage your hubby to have a more open dialog with her.to get her talking about how she feels about the divorce and to continuously reassure her that it wasn't her fault. Even if he does, you can never over-tell a child that they are special.
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