How do I get my 7 year old to talk to me?

My son's father and I are divorced and I have remarried. The father suddenly cut all contact to my son(now 7) and daughter(now 4) 1 1/2 years ago, after I was told about the physical abuse from his girlfriend. Everytime he "sneaks" a chance from his girlfriend to see them while they're at his sister's (just to make him look like a good father to his mother when she's in town) my son acts up at home and at school after the encounter. He won't talk to me about how he feels about all of this. But he tells his teacher that his real dad doesn't like him, and he talks to my mother-in-law about this subject occasionally. I have never done or said anything bad about my ex around the children, and I just wish he could tell me why he axts so bad for myself and his teachers. Does ayone have any advice?Answers:  

v, phone, just out in a boat or fishing or alone away from distractions. no radio.
stay quiet and just listen. use "reflective listening" and lots of
empathy. do not get judgmental about anyone. just reflect the child's feelings. don't ask direct questions, wait for the child to go there.
good luck.

t for his love and get him to open up to you!
Is it the father who is being abusive to his son? I wasn't sure if you meant the father or the father's girlfriend. If it was the father, then you have to keep your son from seeing him. You might have to go to court and get a restraining order against him. If you don't want to do that, then you cannot allow your children to go to his sister's where he can sneak a chance to see them. Your child's emotional well-being is the most important thing. So, if I were you, I would only allow the sister and your former mother-in-law to visit the children in your home, where you can control the situation. I would not send my children to another home where they might be emotionally upset by a visit from their dad.
He is most likely afraid to tell you or talk to you about this. He could think that it is his fault for everything. Reassure him that it is not his fault and he is loved unconditionally by you and that anything he says will not get him in to trouble. It might take a few times for this, but he could come around and talk to you.
divorces are tragic for little kids. no one wants to see their parents apart. maybe taking him to s psychiatrist would be best. to help him deal with what is all going on. it will get better. my parents divorced when i was 6.
Not all kids will express themselves, especially in a situation like this one. You can try to talk to him about it without putting down your ex. If you don't want him having any contact, you could talk to your ex sister in law about it and the concerns... Or take your son to a therapist who could help out with his feelings.

I'm sorry you're going thru this, that's tough on a little one.
tell him i know your mad at me for leaving your father but it was best thing to do and just let him know that he can talk to you about anything and if that doesn't work don't spoil him but get family therapy.


s seeing his Dad making your son miss him even more than usual? 2) Does his Dad do or say anything to him during these visits that upsets your son? 3) Does someone else do or say anything during these visits that upsets your son? 4) Is your son feeling angry at his Dad and doesn't know what to do with those feelings? 5) Is your son feeling angry at you and doesn't know what to do with those feelings?

If your son is wanting more time with his father (and it is safe) is there any way of arranging for them to have one-on-one time? Even if it was at your home and you stay in another room reading or whatever. Children that age can feel rejected if an absent parent makes no effort to have some private time together when they see each other - it sounds like it is always a full house when your son sees his Dad. Even the two of them playing a game at the kitchen table while the others stay in the living room will go a long way to making your child feel like his father "likes" him. It's good that you're getting some feedback from your son's grandmother and teacher (and it's terrific that he is opening up a little to them!) - ask them for their insight as to why this is happening and how to make this a happier time for your son. You could also explore counselling for the family, not just your son - and definitely should do this if your son's behaviour continues or worsens. Also, your local transition house/women's shelter can give you information on free counselling programs for children who have witnessed/experienced abuse. It's an excellent program and not only helps the child cope with any trauma they've experienced but also stops the cycle of abuse. Hope some of this helps.

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