Should I turn my 9 month old to the state?
Or should I just try to raise my son the best way I can. I don't think I am a fit parent. Either way, I don't want my son to be messed up like me.
Answer:
You answered your own question, if you believe deep in your heart that's the right thing to do, then follow your heart.
Thats sad, good luck in your decision, there are people out there that will help if you ask.
you very well can ...but the usual outcome would be to find him one day when things have changed and he's grown to face his scorn and bitterness and answer the question where were you? etc...hard decision...adult one to be sure...my suggestion is if you do don't expect to see him again and pick up where you left off...people can be calous in this manner...
Do you have a drug or alcohol problem? Have you tried to get help from the state? Do you want to hurt your child. This is something you really need to think about and maybe even talk to someone about. Do you think the state can take better care of him then you? Could they love him like you do?
You need to talk to a social worker as you have many problems and need support.If you feel unable to look after your son,Thy will be able to help and advise you
If u are Canadian u'll have more State support than here, of couse, but u can try make more friends and find a cool date to support u...( little hard, but try )
Canada have the top IDH in the world...so the State wont let u fall, look for help, and any case just find a way, u live there, so u know ur country, but dont wait, do!
Remmember, "luck" is oportunit + effort, so give ur best!
If you feel like it would be best for someone else to raise the child, then it probably is. However, giving a child to the state, I don't think is the best action. Most kids get 'lost in the system', bouncing from foster home to foster home. Some get adopted while some don't. If you want your child to be adopted by a family, check into adoption agencies. There are lots of family who would be more than willing to adopt a baby. With the state, you have no say. Through an adoption agency, you'd have the option to pick out the parents and play a more active role in it. Good luck on whatever you chose :)
All I know is whatever you do it is going to be a hard road to travel. If you fell that strong that you would NOT be able to take card of him try to find him a home that you know would be the best for him…just don’t give him over to dcs. You might lose him in the red tape. Try to stay IN his life in all cost. Hope this helped
Do what is best for the Child. If your don't think you are fit to raise your son, then you should seek placement in a fostercare system. That doesn't mean you have to give up your parental rights or be excluded in your childs life. Work on your personal problems and seek help in getting your life on track and then you can become the Parent you would like to be and bring your son back under your care.
look into your heart and do what you know inside is the best thing for your son and yourself. Do not worry about what other people think, this is a serious matter that only you can resolve. After you made your decision do not blame yourself of second guess, move on with your life and do the best you can. It sounds like you are very wise and know what the thing to do is and have a clear idea about yourself and your limitations, that is pretty good right there. Maybe you can talk to social services and get an idea of your options?
Aw sweetie pie my heart goes out to you...
I would suggestion going to some non profit organizations that sepcialze in this sort of counciling. i know chatholic cherities is a big one and planed parenthood. check it out
http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/...
this sort of question is not anyhting people on the internet can council you with.
these organzations may help you get back on your feet.
Understand that you may not get him back and you may regret what you have done.
If you feel you can hurt him, please call CPS and be honest with them.
Their goal is to keep the family together (yes you and him are a family) -- and they may lead you in the right direction.
Your are the world to your son --- get help , get healed and be the wonderful mother that you can be.
Fix your problems -- maybe you are imbalanced and need meds and/or counseling.
Don't feel bitter at your child because your ex-husband bailed out. What fault does the baby have?
I hope you make the right decision, and if you ever need to talk:
chasemice is my username at yahoo to IM me.
(if you decide to give up ur kid , write him a letter telling him you were emotionally /mentally ill and that you loved him deeply and wanted the best for him and that it hurt you to do the right thing --- that is -- to give him up)
Whose opinion do you trust? Ask them what you should do. Divorced doesn't make you a bad parent. Emotional problems are what we all struggle with from time to time. Anger is something that will control you if you can't control it. Money comes and goes. Family...well, there's a hard part. Family should exist. Even distant family could be better to have involved with your boy than complete strangers. And friends...I would be surprised if you really don't have any friends. Don't be too hard on yourself. 9-month old babies are stressful! They don't come with instruction manuals.
Good luck making this decision. Please get more advice from SOMEONE besides those people on this website. Clergy or distant family are two places to start. Remember, this decision is more important than almost any you will make in your life. Consider what you will do with him for a good long time before you make any rash decision. You owe him that much.
You don't have to do anything right now. It's best not to take decisive actions in the depths of despair. I'd say get the emotional problems treated, give yourself time to feel better, and then revisit the question.
If you do decide to place your son for adoption, you might want to go through a private adoption agency rather than allow your son to go into foster care. It has been the ruination of many a child. You don't have to be perfect to be a fit parent, remember.
Take advantage of any and all government programs that might help, including having Husband forced to pay child support. I for one am glad to pay taxes to help women who desperately want to be good parents and need a few resources for both their kids and themselves. Apply for any form of aid that is available to help you get on your feet and raise your son; you are a good cause!
if you feel you need time to sort yourself out foster him out for a while but keep regular contact but personally i dont think you should your son will be left feeling hurt an upset an you will find you will be upset too just perservere with it i know its hard an its easy for me to say but i do know what your going through i too am a single parent with no family an friends but i found friends through taking my daughter to the park an toddler groups an if ever you wanna talk just email me kathryn.gunn@ntlworld.com
I think it would be a good idea to turn him over to the state if there is nobody in your family who can care for him while you deal with your stuff. You have stated that you have emotional problems and you will mess him up if you keep him. I'm sorry to have to tell you this but it's true and he is innocent and needs to be cared for by someone who doesn't have the baggage you have on top of being left behind by his father. But nothing any of us can say will make up your mind, you need to look into your heart and think about his well-being and your own. Good luck and best wishes to you and your son.
I was put in state care when i was 2, my mother aparently couldnt cope with me. I was placed in a few foster homes, one i stayed in for nearly 10 years. I was constantly physically, emotionally and sexualy abused. I did spent time in homes that had loving carers, but most of my childhood was spent in this one home. I had such a bad experience in state care, that im totally against it.
I think if you cant take care of your baby you should look at adoption, find your baby a nice family to take care of him. Its a pity you dont have some family that could take care of him so you can get yourself back on track. I would help a person in your position.
Im so sorry you have to make this decision, but it takes a brave person to admit they are having problems. Speak to a councillor.
The only way you will have any control over the way your son turns out is if you keep him. There is no guarantee that the state will provide a good home, and the foster care system in this country is horrific, assuming you are an American. Your situation is hard right now, but keep in mind that there is no where to go but up. You are whether you realize it or not, a good parent, because you obviously love him very much to consider giving him away. But your son is the one good thing in your life. Why give that up? It is a permanent solution to temporary problems. See if you can get help. Apply for section 8, food stamps, medicaid, WIC, Financial Assistance. Those programs are in place to help people in situations such as yours. If that fails see if you can turn over custody of your son temporarily until you can get your life together. Your son needs his mother, not foster care. And you need him. He is the one bright spot in your life. There is help out there for you. And there is no shame in taking it.From one mother to another I can honestly tell you that no matter what happens in my life, what hardships I have faced,and there have been many, no matter how worthless I feel , I look at my son and I know that he is the reason I am here . The reason I get up in the morning, the reason I am breathing, The reason I pick myself up and carry on. He may not get everything he wants, but he has everything he needs, even if that means I do without. He is the reason it is all worth it in the end. I could never give him up, no matter how bad it gets. I am the only one who can guarantee his safety and happiness, at least in my mind. You just need to find that strength. It is there and all you have to do is look him in the face to find it. Good luck to you, and remember, things can and do get better.
It sounds like you need to ask someone for help... Please get the help you need... Take care...
never married, but i feel the same way,but my daughter is the one and only thing that keeps me going everyday, just because we have so many problem in our life, dont mean the kids will. they will just learn from us how to be stronger and wiser, my daughter gets me to laugh everyday and she is way smarter than i ever was and she just turn 3,shes like my best friend so dont think that way, ok! If you give your son to the state, than he will be messed up. so, look at him with a smile, give him a hug an kiss, tell him how much you love him and keep on trying for the both of you.
You know truthfully, I dont think that you should give up your baby. I think that you should keep him to yourself and it might bring you more happiness.
read parenting magazines, ur feeling all the anguish, and he probably is too, u need him more than u think u do! a child cna bring great happiness to a womens life. they will be the 1 person in the entire world who wont judge u! they love u as u are! and u shoudl do the same, put him in daycare, get a job, meet new ppl... give him love everyday! listen to the song "let them be little" from Billy Dean, its a country song, gave me a whole new outlook on my kids! a child is the most wonderful thing u could ever give urself! dont give him up! he needs you more than u think! try ur best, go to parenting classes. just try ur best, dont be afraid to ask for help, observe how other ppl are ... if u turn him to the state, u will spend the rest of ur life thinking about him, wondering how he is, etc. and plus u never know where he will end up! he might end up in a worst place! he might have worste parents! abuse! etc. with u the love runs deeper.good luck
You are quite a woman to be able to admit that you are unable to give your son, that you clearly love, the chance at life he deserves. I applaud you for that.
And for the answerers who warned you against never being able to see him again, etc., I pose this question:
So you would keep a child, knowing you cannot take care of him, for your own selfish reasons??
I would advise you to do what will benefit your son. It is true that you cannot predict how his life will turn out...but could it really be worse than what he's faced with??
I don't know the ins and outs of adoption, but I'm sure finding a suitable home for him wouldn't be a problem and perhaps you can make arrangements for visitations and such.
I admire your courage--I believe you know in your own heart what to do. Listen to what it is telling you...those are the words of God.
Good luck to you & your baby--God bless
you need to do what's best for you and your son. let me tell you what words are integral to this: BEST FOR SON.
don't let anyone stop you from doing what's BEST. if you can't do it on your own, please let someone help. for his sake, please let someone help you.
If you don't believe you can give your baby what he needs and you believe you are an unfit mother..I would definitely find out more about the processes of doing that.
I would make sure you don't rush this decision though as you can not take this back once it is over and done with. You are newly hurt by your divorce and your husband moving on. That is bound to cause all sorts of emotion problems with anyone as well as financial difficulties as one income is gone. The courts will see to it that you are not left high and dry.
I would also make sure to check into resources available to you through your local government as well as health and human services. If you reside in the US I can tell you since your husband is no longer in the home you can qualify for a version of W2, which is an aid to families with a "deserted" parent.
There are many options you have available. Look into them all before deciding what to do. Your child needs you like you can't imagine. I know it is hard to do but try to focus on what is best for your son AND you at the same time.
I wish you all the best of luck and hope that you are able to figure something out that works for the both of you. You can email me if you would like and I will look up resources for you in your area.
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