14 yo stepson makes it clear that he will not give his teachers any notes I write to them! What would you do?
Answer:
You should let your husband raise his child he should be communicating with the teachers not you. Make him be a parent don't do it for him.
Try emailing them directly.
Why not communicate with the teacher by phone or email? Secret notes is a bit intimidating, and then to make him carry them. The punishment didn't fit the crime on this one.
Take the notes to the teachers yourself. As for your husband backing down on his punishments, you can't really do much about that. It's his son, not yours. You can try to talk to him, but it's pretty obvious that it's not going to change.
Bad parenting, Sorry. It unfortunately seems like you have already made your bed & now you have to lay in it. I dont mean to be nasty but the fact is that after all these years of spoiling an undeserving child, what do you expect him to behave like?
Hand deliver them to the school yourself or call the school and leave a message with the clerk to pass along to the teacher. Not to be rude, but it sounds like your step son is ruling the roost. You and your husband need to set the rules and ENFORCE them if step son doesn't comply. He's just going to keep on and it's going to get worse. If your husband won't do what is necessary, you need to step in and insist.
Edit:
I edited this to say, and this WILL work - go to school with your step son this week. Hold the boys hand, walk up to the teacher, hand the teacher the message, say "I've asked him all week to do this for me and he refused". Make sure you do this in front of his peers. He will be so embarrassed that NEXT time you ask him to do something, he will do it!
Either cut them both off financially or e-mail the teacher directly with the situation and see what they as an educational professional have to say. Normally they can give you some of the best answers, and make sure to talk to step-dad with some backup (mutual friend) it will show him what he is doing is overriding what you are trying to instill
You stated the major problem in there, lack of discipline. I hate to say this but the kid probably needs his butt whooped. now dont just beat the crap out of him give him a swat, that will make him think. this may sound bad but some kids its the only way to get through. he needs something and since his father wont enforce anything. I was raised with a leather belt, and i turned out ok. The same people that complain about child abuse are the same people that complain about undisciplined youth in the community. SHEEP thats what i call them.
How can you expect this stepchild to be respectful and obedient when his father has shown him he will get what he wants without behaving. You can't do much unless and until the father gets his act together and takes the role of parent seriously. He's where the real problem is.
email his teachers almost all shools now have a site & the teachers have email addresses, call the school & ask them. Good Luck
I can't think of any reason to write a note to his teacher other than to explain why he was late or absent or something similar. Why are you writing sealed notes to his teacher? And why are you trying to make him deliver the notes to his teacher? Hope you are not trying to embarass him?
Your husband needs to step up and be the disciplinarian. You can support him and back him up, but you can't be the main disciplinarian. Your stepson will only resent you. Stepson will only keep doing these rebellious things to test your husband and you to see where his boundaries are. This was just a test to see how much he can get away with. Talk to your husband in a calm manner, and point out to him that if he doesn't stick to what he says, stepson will only get worse and pretty soon the rebelliousness will become more severe. Good luck!
You and your husband should both go up there and make sure the son knows you two are going to have a face to face conference. He'll know you mean business and next time he'll make sure to give the teacher the note. I think that's the only way to really solve the problem. It's sad when kids don't respect their parents enough to do what they are told but it's also sad you husband doesn't back you up and follow through with punishment. I'm not saying you should beat the boy but certainly withhold money for ice cream and stuff.
The boy doesn't respect you or authority. Imagine all of the notes the teacher sends home or phone messages you don't receive.
Sounds like a boot camp for the teen and a parenting class for daddy is in order here.
If family counseling is not acceptable to your husband I think I'd consider divorce. This boy is going to only get worse and worse. If he's already able to this boldy defy you and his father at age 14 I'd hate to see him in about 2 more years when he's 16 and bigger and stronger physically. I can see him whipping Dad's azz with that attitude. It sounds like this has been going on for a long time. You sound insightful and if the eyes in that icon are yours you can do much better than this situation. Your husband is unworthy of you, he can't even discipline a 14 yr old. It just sounds like one big no win headache after another. I say get a lawyer, get out of that no-win situation and get yourself a real man girl! Oh and I read Taurus what a twit. I reported her for abuse "not giving a question or an answer".
find out when he has each teacher. go to the school and ask to speak directly with each teacher while he's IN THE CLASS. if he didn't want to be embarrassed with the notes he'll be twice as embarrassed seeing you in his school/class talking with his teachers (since his friends also know you and know you are there because of him - oh the questions he'll be bombarded with)
then tell your husband he gets NO SEX, NO DINNER, NO NOTHING until he gets a grip on the situation. he can do everything for himself - cooking , cleaning , laundry , grocery store , etc. if he says anything about how he raises his kid and you aren't the mother then take his car keys so he can't go to work. get him where it counts - the pants and wallet.
If I was you I would put on embarassing clothes with a tshirt with his picture on it, and at the breakfast table I would say, since you refuse to deliver the notes I will have to take you to school and speak to your teachers. Unless you would like to do it yourself??
Or when you go shopping forget his things, and say oh sorry I forgot, sorry.
But your biggest problem is your husband. You two have work as a single unit. He has to realize that now is the time to "train" the young man to be a responsibility grown up.
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