Do you think taking kids to a wake/funeral is appropriate?
Answer:
No it is not appropriate at all. I'm sure we can all remember being younger and trying to understand the world around us. And some things are just too much at such an early age. I had to make that choice myself this past summer. My grandfather died and I chose not to take my 5yr old to the service. I mean come on, he still breaks down over seeing his pet fish floating belly up in the tank. How would he deal with seeing his great-grandfather(who he adored) laying in a casket? I think you have the right idea to keep them away from that. It can really mess a kid up and being a kid is way harder these days than ever. Hope this helps.
dont take them
no they will proablly be bored to
I wouldnt.
i think they`re too young for that.i don`t understand your sil for insisting on taking her kids
I think those ages might be a bit young, and they could be traumatized.
But I think slightly older children should be taken to things like this, because at some point they need to learn about and understand death, and grieving, and things like that. It wouldn't be healthy for them to never be exposed to it. It will happen at some point, and they need to be taught how to deal with it.
I think it depends on the children. My kids never had a problem with it and when I didn't take them because they were in school everyone kept asking where they were.
I never agreed to taking really young children to these services. I think that when the child is old enough to understand about death, then I think it should be up to the child if the child wants to attend.
When I lost my uncle, my son, who at the time was 8 asked me if he could attend. I did allow him, but before we went, I gave him information about what he would see, and I told him that if he felt uneasy or uncomfortable that I would take him outside.
He was fine and actually did better than I did.
Anyway, small kids, especially at that age, 4 and younger should stay home.
I agree with your sil, death is normal and a part of life, it's best if they can learn about it and how to deal with it early on, ideally with the death of someone they are not too close with. If you don't take them, they think there is something scary or bad about it, then they would be more traumatized by it.
i think if they are old enough to know what death means and this would probably be a much older age, but otherwise no.
NO DONT DO THAT I WENT TO MY GRAND MAS FUNERAL AND I AM 27 YEARS OLD AND I HAV ENIGHT MARES THIS VERY DAY . I WAS ONLY 6 AT THE TIME SO DONT DO THIS YOU WILL BE SORRY
Why on earth would they be tramatized? Lol. Death is part of life, children learn to fear death and dead things by their parents reactions. They'd be traumatized if people freaked out about it while they were there.
I grew up in a very large extended family with very many old people. My first funeral was at age 3. All I remember was the stink of the parlor and running in the yard with my cousins.
I went to another funeral when I was 6 for my favorite great uncle who used to sing me songs all the time on his guitar. It was weird seeing him there, but he didnt look like himself, he looked like an empty cicada shell. My grampa made me touch his dead hand to prove to me that he wasnt a scary thing. And he surely wasnt. I remember feeling bad for my great aunt, and holding her hand, and then laughing and playing in the parking lot with my cousins. My brother was there as a new born too.
I think you have some fears of death that you need to come to terms with. Your SIL seems to havea healthy appreciation for lifes cycles.
Well the newborn wouldn't remember it and would probably interupt the service, the 2 year old probably wouldn't remember it either. The four year old may remember it and be bothered by it BUT you have to think..how close was this person to them? Were they around him alot or just someone they knew by face? Ultimatly the mother has to make that decision but if it were me I would not take them.
It's a bad idea to take kids to funerals, they are more susceptible to evil spirits..
I think it is appropriate. It is a part of life and it happened. how can you shun kids from the unavoidable. Children are usually comfortable during funerals. It is the adults who usually have a hard time with it, because they are uncomfortable having the death conversation with their kids. Adults think they are protecting their kids. From what? Life I guess. When they are only protecting themselves from an uncomfortable conversation for themselves. Then make up excuse that it will he traumatizing or uncomfortable. Explain to the kids what happen. they will be fine.
It all depends on how you present it. Children know nothing of the societal view of death and so a dead body will mean nothing to them. It is important for children to know about and understand death from an early age. This can be achieved by taking them to a funeral or not taking them. Whichever way works for you is what you should do.
I personally might take the 4 yr. old, but the baby and toddler would just cause a disturbance. It is, however, a great place for family to get together and see all the kids. There's nothing horrible about death, so I don't see a funeral as a horrible experience for kids.
No, I agree with you a funeral/ wake is not a place for children. my mom took me to my grandmas funeral and burial and I was 9. Til this day it creeps me out. It also made me very depressed and sad in seeing everyone crying. so I think you are telling her the right thing. It could be very traumatizing for the kids.
I can see no sense in taking the 2 year old or the newborn to a wake and funeral. The newborn could end up being very disruptive.
The 4 year old could probably handle it but why?
If the 4 year old was close to the uncle then it might be good so that the 4 year old understands where the uncle is and has closure. I attended my brothers funeral when I was five and it didn't freak me out or traumatize me.
Just my 2 cents
Did the children get to be with your uncle in life? If so, why would you not let them celebrate his death. We all live and die and children are not as ignorant as we would like to think. I grew up over a funeral home and I am not the least bit dramatized. People tend to overprotect children as though they were less able to conceive life and death. They will surprise you. If the children are truly horrified sit and explain in terms they will understand. Your not wrong you just need to let them learn about life/death through experiences such as this.
My hubby's grandmother died when my youngest was 2 months old and my oldest was 4. Her great-grandchildren meant the world to her. I did not bring my 4 yr old as I believed it would be too traumatic. I did however bring my baby. He brought some happiness to an otherwise sad event and everyone knew how much his great-grandmother adored him (she became ill as I got pregnant and we believed she hung in there to meet him).
It is part of the circle of life but small children do not need to be there. They are too young to understand and will get bored and start doing annoying things to top it off. Not nice for anyone. People will get mad at them also for just being kids. Thats not fair for anyone (the kids or mourning friends/family).
If they were close to the deceased, then a private viewing may be in order, but discuss what to expect beforehand and allow them to keep their distance unless they feel like they would like to move closer. Answer all questions truthfully, but keep it age appropriate. DO NOT take them to the public viewing or funeral because they cannot handle everyone else's emotions. They will not understand everyone crying, fainting, the somber atmosphere, etc. Let them grieve in their own manner, but be supportive. Give their feelings a name and discuss how you feel. Don't forget to tell them that they are perfectly safe and that you will protect them. Kids often feel scared of dying themselves for quite some time after losing someone close to them. If he died as a result of old age or a specific disease, it may comfort them to know this instead of thinking he just dropped dead for no reason. Good Luck and I am sorry for your loss.
kids should be taken to the wake/funeral .this will help them to understand the bonding of ties in the family.it will also help them to stay in social conditions.importance of loved one is also understanded by kids .but there should be parental assistance with kids & try to avoid funerals in which some accident,murder,suicide etc are involved.it could have negative effect on child's personality.
Hi MRod.
Taking children to a wake/funeral for perfectly fine. I myself was taken to my relative's funerals while I was child. They did not traumatize me at all. I grew to learn that death is a part of life and that a wake/funeral is a way to celebrate that person's life. Never in my life have I felt uncomfortable with funerals. I do have friends that never attended a funeral until they were adults and now they get very nervous and uncomfortable while attending them. Please do not mention anything to your sister-in-law. Both of you have the right to choose if you want to bring your children or not.
That small of children will be difficult to tend with, HOWEVER, most funeral homes have a children's room for the children to go and play. As for traumatizing the children, they do not have a full comprehension of the "death" concept, so they will be oblivious to most of it. Where I am from and the families that I am in, the children are always present at the wakes, sometimes not the funeral because of the reverence that is supposed to be shown at a funeral and it is difficult for children to be reverent. If there is a surviving spouse, children benefit them in their grief, it is a constant reminder that life is worth it and the world keeps turning, regardless of the pain that they are suffering.
Funerals are not for children.
your best best is to let her decide their her kids not yours. i would take them to the wake but not stay very long. kids get restless in a funeral home with nothing to do. the funeral i would get a sitter
I think that this is too young unless it is a very close relative ie parent or grandparent for closure issues. She should not bring the children because the two younger ones will not know what is going on and could be distractiong during the services. The 4 year old may get scared and have nightmares. Not a good idea, I agree with you.
I think children should absolutely be allowed to go to a wake. The actual funeral part may get a bit boring for them and they may get disruptive. Death is a natural part of life that everyone is going to experience one way or another. You should raise your children to understand that, and not to be afraid or "traumatized" by the death of a loved one. If you are open with your children about what's happening (to an age-appropriate level), and you encourage them to share their feelings about it, it can be a good learning experience and life lesson. It would also be a good time to reinforce any religious teachings about the afterlife that your family may have, and perhaps that will give them some comfort as well.
P.S. Just don't make your children kiss their deceased loved one - my grandmother did that to me when I was 4, and that *was* disturbing!
I remember when i was 10 and my grandfather had died. I went to the funeral because my father wanted to see me. I was terrified so i stayed in the back the entire time. I was 10 so i could only imagine what that will be like for a 4yr old or younger! I've never heard of anyone taking their children to a wake or funeral it's just not appropriate. If her husband had any kind of sense he wouldn't allow it. Tell her what it might do to the children also taking a newborn is a huge mistake, what will she do when the baby is crying? I think it's disrespectful.
Yes, I think you are wrong to try to influence her decision, It's a matter of opinion...and if your SIL thinks her kids should be there...you should let her make her own decision..they are her kids. If you choose not to take yours...that is your decision.
I've attended 4 funerals in the last 8 months...uggg.and there were small children at every viewing and funeral. They were oblivious to what was going on as the were to young to understand.
Tramatized...probably not.
Have any business there..probably not...
I did not take my 9 year old to my grandmothers funeral..but did go get him and take him to the family dinner that the Church prepared afterwards. He was upset with me...A few months later..when my cousin passed...he asked to go.However...he was 9 and understood what what going on..
Let her make her own decision about her children..
I lost my 4 year old son about 7 months ago. I had a viewing i didn't take my six year old for that. I did let her attend the funeral but not at the grave site. My 6 year old nephew went to it all and was fine with it. At the funeral homes they have a coloring book to help explain to kids about death and the funeral process.
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