Should I take my daughter to visit her father in jail?
Answer:
I don't think that is the kind of environment you want your daughter in..And not to sound snobby, but if he is in jail maybe you should think about letting him see her at all.. Like you said jail is for CRIMINALS! You sound like you are a good mom, and will set a great example for her, and you don't want all of your hard work wasted on him messing up her morals and values..
Tough call. I can see both sides. I don't think it would harm your daughter at this young age. And it would probably do him a lot of good. Take her on up there.
A 16-month old child will never remember being in prison. But it could mean the world to her father to see her. Take her.
You can take her for a short visit. Fortunately she won't ever remember being there. It may help him realize what he is missing. Like it or not, he is her father. At least then no matter what he does when he gets out, you tried and you did the right thing. Good Luck!
what the H.E.L.L. is he doing in jail in the first place.no i think he can wait. If the idiot couldn't go see her when he wasn't in jail then what makes him so special now? make the dumb@ss wait...
I think if he was really worried about seeing his daughter, he wouldn't be in jail in the first place.
I wouldn't take my child to see her father if he was in jail especially if he didn't particpate in her parenting when he was a free man.
I think you should, once. Take her once, make it known that it is the only time he will see her while he is in jail, and explain that the reason why is because he never came around when he wasn't locked up. Or you can send him a picture.
Don't listen to his mother, she's gonna defend her son regardless of what he's done. Listen to your own reasoning. You need to examine why he is in jail in the first place. If he is in for something he did not do, then yeah, take her to see her father. If he is in because he is guilty of a crime, then he made his own way and you and your daughter shouldn't have to suffer for his dumb mistakes. If he's down because he did something wrong, then that was his choice, not yours, so you're not the one kicking him when he's down, he made that decision all on his own. Follow your instincts, it's your daughter and her father, you know them both better than anyone here.
I went to visit my mother when she was in jail, and it honestly made me happier, however, i hated to see her like that. I wish I was younger and did not understand why she was there. If your daughter was old enough to remember maybe it would be bad, but since she does not understand the concept of jail, and just gets to see her father, maybe it is a good thing.
Hold your ground! If he made no attempts to see her when he wasn't in jail, don't make her pay the price because now he wants to be a daddy. Any guy can be a "sperm donor", it's takes a real man to step up to the plate and be a father.
i think u should giv him a chance, people do bad to u, but retaliation aint the best way, mercy is the best. and it may make him love ur daughter more and u as well. just think that u r in this situation and how u wud feel like and decide.
I think you should it will give them a close bond with each other. It may change his mind even though he didnt help out at first. Most men are lonely when they are in but when they get out it back to the old way. Try it and see how it goes, you dont want to keep your baby from the father if you dont have to.
Yes if he wants to see her then take her to see him. Right now he needs you to be supportive and help him out. Its his daughter too you have to let him see her if he wants to.
The visiting part of the jail is completly differnt anyway, i would take my daughter to see her dad in jail if the situation ever came about. Its good for her and for him. Shes 16 months old she nows him and probly misses him, she needs to see him just as much as he needs to see her.
You are right. Jail is not a place a baby or small child needs to go. Stick to your instincts. Send him pics instead. He'll be out in 3 months anyways. If she doesnt know him to start with jail isnt the place for them to start trying to build a bond. Don't argue with him or his mother. Tel them you are her mother and you dont feel that your 16mo child should be taken to a jail to see a father is never around anyways. If he wants to see her when he gets out then he is more than welcome to come to your place. Tell them you are firm in this decision and wont be persuaded to change your mind. Good Luck. Your doing a good job!
I think most people missed the part where you said he didnt see her before he went to jail. Your daughter is too young to understand if you say this is your father. All she'll know is that she is in a strange enviroment with you and a strange man. I honestly dont feel that you should have to go into great detail explaining to them why your not bringing her there. Maybe you can mention that your not doing this to "get back at him" but this is your decision, your the mother. You know whats best for your daughter.
Being in jail is probably giving him time to think about his life and he is probably regretting not being there for your daughter. The real test will be once he gets out. Its up to you to decide based on whatever got him into jail and past things if he is the kinda person your daughter should be around (at least until he straigtens up). First and formost, your duty and loyalty lies with your daughter. If he has to prove to you that he has your daughters best interest in mind then thats what he has to do. Being a father doesnt automatically make you a dad. Hope this helps some. Take Care honey.
This is one of those questions where you really gotta think about everything and everyone involved. While I still stand by what I said earlier, after some thought I've decided to add this:
You need to do what you feel is best for your daughter for right now but you also gotta think about the future. If you feel that if he saw her right now it would make him realize what he is missing and make him be a better father maybe even a dad after he gets out in feb then maybe you could consider taking her there. Make sure ahead of time that the visitation rooms are suitable for your daughter say if she wants to get down and walk around. Honestly, she is to young to remember seeing her father in jail. I personally dont think I would do it but I dont know your situation and all the factors involved like why he is there in the first place. Whatever decision you make, stand by it and dont waiver.
That's your call... but it sounds good that he actually wants to see her... so maybe it could be good for him. I'd ask him what his plans are in Feb. when he gets out... will he continue to see her. You are her mother, and have her best intrests, so it's completely up to you.
Be nice, I would.
i'd take her.. but explain to her father that it's not going to be a every week thing.. do it once so that he can see his baby but then tell him no more.. maybe it will help to keep him out of jail. good luck
I understand how you would want to punish him by not letting him see his child but in his heart I know he must care about her to want to see her. Take her to visit him. If after the visit you don't feel comfortable then just send him pictures so you won't have to confront him. I hope that helps.
Does he have a criminal history? If so, it's best for her to not see him at all quite frankly. If he really wanted to see her, he wouldn't have broken whatever law that landed his butt in jail. He would have been on his best behavior, supporting her, helping you support her, etc.
I say no. Your daughter does not need to be there and he does not need to see his daughter until his life is back on track, and I strongly recommend consulting with someone in family law to find out what you can do to keep him away until he has shown that he is capable of abiding by the law.
As a matter of safety for her. Your sanity both in the car and while there. I say no. Just as a 16 m/o is not the best shopping partner neither are they very good jail visitors.
He can wait for her anyways. It seems as though you are being "tag-teamed" by him and his mother. Don't let them play head games with you.
She is your daughter and you are raising her alone. He choose to be where he is not you or the baby. He also choose to ignore her prior to this. He should have thought about this before he broke the law.
You can bring him (or mail him) recent photos of her. If this ain't enough for him then tough. He needs to learn that jail is his punishment not hers and she has no reason to be in jail. Not even him.
You also need to tell him why you are not going to bring her there. Just stick to your guns about it. You know what is best for your little girl, not a manipulative criminal.
it must be hard for you too but he is very emotional and oversensitive right now.. seeing his baby will do him good and the baby will not get any harm.a matter of fact it will be good for the baby too...give him a reason to rely on till he gets out..and i believe when he's out he will care more about the baby..
id say you should take her there. i know from what you said it sounds like he hasnt really been up to par with doing the right things but maybe see'ing his daughter might help him turn himself around
and i would also give a talk to your daughter before you take her there so she understands whats going on. but you dont have to go to far into detail, im sure there are somethings she just wont be able to understand yet because of her age
no if he didn't come see her while he was out than why know hw must feel bad are something so i don't know maybe you should but i wouldn't so i'll say no hell no
I would not take her but at the same time I would explain to him and his mother that you are not taking her because you are getting back at him for not wanting to take care or see her when he was out of jail, even though that is a good enough reason to keep her away, but because you simply feel that you do not want your daughter to be around that environment and how he is already getting out in February, he might as well wait until then. You should point out that you hope that when he comes out he does not do the same thing that he did before, not take care of his responsibilities. You are doing what is in the best interest for your daughter. Volunteer to send him pictures...
A child cannot be used in that way, the fact that he is only looking for her now, basically shows that he is doing it because he is in jail, why did he not do it before? He needs to prove to you and his daughter that he is going to be a father to his daughter and that he cannot just want to be a father and have a daughter when he is in desparate need. What happened when you were in need for diapers, food, clothing, etc., for your daughter, where was he? Do not worry about his feelings as he did not worry about yours or the baby before. Do not argue about it, but simply stick to your guns and tell him no and let him know that she will be waiting for him and he gets out.
I see both sides..but all considering from what you have said, my answer would be "no".
In the first place...he is in there to be punished for whatever he had done..AND..consequences come with that - one SHOULD be not seeing his daughter. I wouldn't take my toddler daughter to a JAIL..that's no place for a little girl to be - it's not her fault her father got himself in there. The upside to this is apparently he is realizing what he may be losing..he wants to see her - that's GOOD. But...he'll be home in a few months...short stint...so let him sit and think some more. Let him see her though when he get's out. Mistakes are made...but no matter what he is still her father. Maybe he'll change his life around to be a better example and man for her. Good luck to all of you. That's a hard decision hon - bottom line you are that little girl's mama...you decide on your own...only your opinion matters.
He's just bored in jail and wants visitors to fill his time. Like you said if he was free he probably wouldn't even take the time to see his daughter. If he want's to see his daughter, he needs to be the one putting forth the effort when he is free, not only while he's locked up.
I honestly think it will be OK. She's too young to know what's going on or where she is, and it can really boost her dad's morale if he sees her. My brother once had a little run-in with the law that unfortunately resulted in him having to do a little time, and all he looked forward to was our weekly visits on Sunday mornings. When I used to go and visit him there, I saw a lot of other people who had brought their young children with them to visit an inmate, and they seemed so happy to see them. The really sad part that made me cry every week was at the end of visiting hours when the warden would make all the inmates' family members stand up, walk to the opposite side of the room and get escorted back behind the glass partition without getting to hug the people they were visiting, and the really heartbreaking thing was having to hear the children cry as their moms pulled them away. It was also super sad because the inmates could still see us behind the glass before we went in the elevator, and they would wave sadly at their loved ones, and it just broke my heart. I don't even know why I'm typing about this...but anyway, long story short, yes, other kids get brought there for visits, no, I don't think it's harmful, especially for really small kids, and yes, I think you should take her. Also, I have no idea what went down with your baby's dad, and I would never even try to give you advice like I totally understand your situation, but I will say to please remember that a lot of those guys in there are basically good people who went wrong somewhere along the way, and please try your best not to judge them for being weakened by temptation or greed (which is why a lot of them are in there, drug dealing and stuff.) Have a happy holiday.
That a tough one. And when in doubt, I say always trust your instincts. If you just don't feel comfortable taking her in there, then I wouldn't. If you are worried about him or his mother saying your keeping the baby from her father, then you could maybe make an extra effort to send pictures and stuff. But like you said, he didn't have any interest in her before he obviously thought other things were more important, and now that he has all this free time sitting in there, he wants to play daddy.
If it was me, I'd tell him how I feel about it. Tell him he's welcome to see her when he gets out, but not in there. It's his fault he's in there anyways. maybe next time he'll take that into consideration before he does whatever it was that put him in there.
Yeah, so she can spit at him.
Questions to ask yourself. Why is he in jail? Do you want him to start visitation when he is released? Do you want support when he is released? If the answer to the last two questions is no.don't take her. You have no obligation to him. You need to start a life for yourself and your daughter. Do you have family to support you and your decisions. I hope so. You can make something of yourself and your daughter, away from what ever crime put him in prison. I wouldn't want to expose my child to a life of crime no matter what age. But the decision is yours and not the decision of his mother or those of us who are anwerering your question. God Bless and take care of you and your little one.
yes I think you should take your daughter to see him. He is her father and he has a right to see her. She is too young to know her surroundings yet. It might do him a world of good.
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