How do you discipline a son 17 years old who is intelligent but just finds it too boring to study and fails?
Answer:
Wow. you asked the right person for the answer to this one. You start by taking away privileges. 1 by 1. first allowance. then the cell phone, or regular phone, then grounding him. you take away everything that you possibly can until he has nothing. I know this sounds pretty severe but it worked for me. Now you are ready for the final step. He has probably hit bottom by now and is ready to listen to reason. you sit down with him and talk. tell him how intelligent he really is. tell him he can do anything he wants to do if he puts his mind to it. tell him you have faith in him and that will help him to have faith in himself. After he does some real soul searching he will start to come around.
i would encourage him to find something that does interest him
then let him know that without geeting through the other stuff he will not make it. I wouldnt worry too much alot of prople that i knew with those same characteristics found 1 thing they truly enjoyed and became VERY succesful..usually more so than any straight A student i ever knew..its tough until they find it though
Take his car away from him until he brings his grades back up if he doesn't have a car then i don't know what you can do except sit him down and have a talk with him don't yell just explain how important it is in life to have a good education,i mean at 17 he is almost a grown man.
Drop his butt off at Wal-Mart to get a job. Charge him rent, charge him food, and take back everything he didn't pay for. Tell him to get used to living in squaller, because without an education, that's exactly how he'll live.
you dont.
he only has less than a year to listen to you.
you give a choice.
get your stuff together or get a job and find your own way in the world.
i bet he will start to study and talk about school real quick if he goes out on his own and finds out mommy doesnt do dishes, laundry, pay bills, makes beds and treat him like he is 5.
STAY HARD AND FAST..dont give in.
I am sure your parents didnt...
He doesn't sound intelligent to me.
Let him continue, he'll experience the consequences and learn from his mistakes. That's what happened to me.
I am afraid you are about a dozen years too late.
take away the computer
take everything away from him like you would do with a younger child until he can get focused on doing his work
Refuse to let him leave the house for ANYTHING but school until he brings his grades up & if he has a car it's GONE!!
No car! No friends! No phone! No movies! NO NOTHING!
Isn't 17 too old for discipline?! I would try encouraging him to find subjects he would enjoy studying. At that age if you nag or try discipline you will only make him rebel more and he'll end up not doing anything.
Give him something more challenging to do. As a matter of fact, why do you pretend that you are trying to figure out something and show a little confusion toward it in front of him. Put it down and go into another room. Just see if he picks it up and try to solve the problem. What ever it may be. I think that the children are bored when they all ready know the solution to the problem. They need a challenge!
I was that kid, literally. Traditional study might not be for your son. Look into learning centers, private schools, etc. My parents did everything you can think of to 'discipline' me and nothing to address the true underlying issue, which hindered my potential for many years. Also, maybe the kid needs to truly open up to a professional but by all means, DO NOT put the kid on drugs and find another professional that suggests that is the cure. They don't work and will only again hinder his potential.
Take away privileges, such as driving, video games, and replace them with study time, how about studying with him? Apply more parent attention. He will regret not taking school seriously and getting a good education while it is free. I know I did. I just wish my parents were more "in Tune" to what I really needed as a teen. I think I would be more successful!! Good luck. The first step is noticing the problem.The second step is being the parent.
talk to his principal, to get a 'letter of recomendation' and see if you can start him in some college classes.try to keep him busy, and its not easy...let him get a job that uses muscle instead of brain. you know the moderation thing..
Its easy just tell him that if doesnt get good grades he wont play video games or visit friends when he wants to
my prayers are with you my friend, lol! i raised four intellegent children and they all went through that. sitting down and calmly talking does not always work with young people but it is worth a try. also, listening ( which is hard sometimes for parents) and hearing what they are telling you about how they feel, then repeating it back to them may help you feel thier feeling more and help them realize you are listening. and then try to explain in the best way you can why they need to do this or that. taking priveliges away such asd the computer or tv or something they really like works. but you know you and your young adult better than anyone. usually at this age it is far better to talk...and sometimes let them suffer the consequenses for thier behavior. i hope this helped a little bit. just give it your best and feel good about doing YOUR best. good luck!!!
try to find some incentives for him to excel,,, something he wants, a short trip, a party for his friends etc to give as rewards for following your steps to help him,
teens go threw that period, i know my daughter did,,,, and also they get burned out on all the years of school
talk with him about his goals in life, let him know you are understanding, offer to help him study, get him a tutor,,,,sometimes outside the family encouragement can help a great deal,, a tutor doesnt have to be expensive or exceedinly bright it can be any adult or teen (who is passing) that you know
try to help your son set a schedule, list his classes, and his current grade in them. contact his teachers if you need help determining where he is at/activities to help him etc, he may be behind and now feels overwhelmed.
the steps: and go over these steps with him at start
set aside an hour a night to study each subject(math on monday, science on tues etc)
the study area is the dining room table, your bedroom, the living room with tv off, anyplace except his own room,,reserve the last 10 mins of it to talk with him/go over his work
get a tutor
finally, if none of that works, make a counseling appointment, not with the school, but with a psychologist,
i think if he sees you are going to take a more active approach, he will make effort, just asking them to study doesnt work. do lay out all the steps for him,, let him know this is what you are going to try,,
his education is very important, and him knowing you will fight/work for him to achieve it, is also important .
You have described my son.
After we tried the school counselor, therapy, tutors, bribes, restriction, we went to our pediatrician. Our son has ADD, it turns out. I know, I know...it gets over-diagnosed a lot, but he's 16 years old, very bright, but gets, as my husband puts it, easily distracted by shiny objects.
He's been on Focalin for 60 days now, and he's brought ALL of his grades up from an F to a B or A. No joke!
Talk it over with your pediatrician. He doesn't have to be hyper to have ADD. As our doctor put it, his brain just goes to fast for him to process everything that's going on, so he just shuts down.
Well I had the same problem... Only my son is 9... He is very intelligent... His teacher even asked to put him in a "Gifted Program"... What ever he does he gets A's on... But I found that he was throwing his assignments away... So when I sat him down and asked him what the problem was... He said "Mom it's all just boring". He said "I know it's important, it's my homework, I just was bored with it". Now I am an african american mother... So it should be no shock to you the I do use the belt. But not only that I explained to him that the most important thing is his acedemics. And everytime he screws that up, he'll in return be giving up something he loves. Sport's, video games, social time with his cousins and friends all cut out... And mind you he start's on both of his teams... He has won championships year after year... No practice, no games, no socializing on the weekends... We studied togther instead... After he comleted his school work... I would make him read chapter books, I would make him come to me every 3 chapters and tell me what he just read... If it didn't sound convincing, he'd read it again in front of me... I made him study from the time he got home from school until it was time to eat, wash, and go to bed... Weekends included...And I also had his teacher phone me if she didn't recieve an assignment... I keep in constant communication with her. Needless to say he realized that it was just easier to do the work and get the grade... That way he could go on with life... I give my son the world... Anything he asks for he gets... Because I am so proud of him. But only if he gives me something in return... and that's a good report card. I hope my situation help you some. Good Luck!!
Don't supply any more money to buy things he wants. Tell him if he requires anything besides the basics (food & lodging) he'll have to get a job and supply them himself. Because he's young he won't be able to get a well paying job and perhaps he'll start to see the value of education.
After a year working in retail, my son decided to go back to college and get his degree. Now, I never have to even ask about his work, he does it on his own and has a 3.89 GPA.
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