7 year old having tantrums?
She has a tantrum over the stupidest things, yesterday it was over what bread we were buying in supermarket, the day before because I went through the door first and she wanted to!! I do not give in to her and she gets sent to her room until she calms down which could be hours later, I try to be patient but I usually end up losing my temper with her, she always says sorry when its over but its just words, she knows its the right thing to say!!
Me and her dad separated about 18 months ago and she was fine with the split - seemed to see it more as an adventure, maybe now reality is kicking in??
Please, somebody give me some advice, cos last night it got so bad that I actually discussed her going to stay with her dad for a while cos we just cant go on like this anymore!!
Answer:
First let me say, there is NOTHING wrong with your little girl. She is normal as can be. Actually 85 - 15 is very good.
She needs consequences, sending her to her room to calm down is a great first step. This alone is fine for children under the age of 4. This gives them enough time to grow out of this stage on their own. For older children (5+) they must learn that this behavior will not be tolerated anymore.
It's up to you, but this is what we do with our girls ages (7, and 10) if they pulled the tantrum thing over the age of 5. They get a spanking. Mind you I don't mean a few swats, I am talking about a spanking right out of the 50s pants/underwear down over the lap for at least a dozen swats. Don't just do the swat thing, i don't think that teaches them anything. My older 2 girls never throw tantrums anymore. If you do this though, you have to be consistent. Don't just spank her one time, you have to be on the ball with it, every time. Also you have to wait until she is calm before spanking, yes even if that means waiting 2 hours, she is 7 she still remembers what she did.
Hang in there mom
Best of luck to you, i know how the tantrum thing goes,lol
Splitting up with parents is a very difficult thing for children to cope with. They may not be upset at the beginning, but it may come back on them. As for the tantrums, I am unsure as to why this is happening, maybe you should visit your doctor.
Ignore tantrums, they don't pay in my house!
Sort it out now because it'll get a lot worse when she's a teenager!
Best thing is to ignore them. The majority of kids will calm down when they notice that no-one is noticing them.
They are attention seeking when throwing an tantrum.
Above all, don't give in. It gives them a clear signal for them to get what they want.
Shes testing you.
And she will continue to test her limits with you, until you set the rules.
This is not the behavior thats acceptable.
Youre own feelings of whatever your separation will effect her is effecting you, and perhaps youre too lenient with her.
Kid throws atantrum over bread is a kid that deserves alittle tap on the butt to show thats inappropriate behavior.
heres a question, what if you send her to her father, and when say shes visiting you, and she still does that tantrum thing...what will you do then?
point is, deal with it. Let her know you are the leader of this household, and instead of sending her to her room, tap that attitude out of her. She will respect youfor it, believe it or not.
So long as after it all settles, you explain why its unacceptable and that you love her.
At 7 years old she should be smart enough to comprehend it.
Sometimes we have to set the boundaries, otherwise kids will step all over us
I would say it is probably relating to the seperation kids have the same emotions as us they just dont know how to express it so it often comes out as anger / tantrums etc. they are also able to understand alot more than you would think so i would sit her down and talk to her about her feelings ask her is anything bothering her, when shes about to have a tantrum is there anything that triggers it and how does she feel etc.
tell her you understand and will help her and are there to talk at anytime if she needs it and about anything at all
after that maybe try doing a reward chart mark out the 7 days of the week pick say saturday or sunday for reward day let her help choose what the reward will be but nothing to big, say you both go to the pictures or shopping or something you can both do together or she gets a new cd or whatever, and then everyday if she goes through the day without a tantrum she gets a star and when her chart has all the stars for that week you go on the reward.
Good luck i know its not easy i've been there myself.
I feel like that with my 5 year old so I know what you mean and I have her father here for support so my heart goes out to you!!
I think the best thing is to just ignore her tantrums but to reward and praise her for good behaviour...I'm trying this at the moment and its easier said than done but apparently it does work.
Good Luck xx
If you want to see a behavior again pay attention to it. That goes for good and bad. My suggestion is to praise all the good and ignore all the bad.
If you are the only one she is doing it with, there is something that she is getting out of it from you. You need to sit and figure out the function of her behavior... what is she getting, attention. negative or positive is always attention.
I wouldn't suggest that she go to dad's. It sends a message that 1) that you aren't willing to go through this for her, 2) that she can play you and your ex 2) I suggest talking to school guidance or a local mental health advocate. Maybe look up your local branch of Federation of Families for CHildren's Mental Health.
Also - check out the book The Explosive Child, its' wonderful
I agree .When my son was a baby he lay on the floor and banged his head in temper & doc told me to ignore him .It took a while but it worked .If that dosnt work bring her to a doctor...
Does she have any brothers or sisters, if not I doubt the tantrums are about getting attention from you. It could be to do with the break-up and a general sense of loss/ sadness, or it could be a phase. Sounds like you are on the right track with ignoring her, it's important for you to stay calm. Maybe say things like "darling, it's easier to shop when we stay calm"- shows you care but that tantrums are to no-one's advantage, and doesn't concentrate too much pressure on her. You could ask a third party (friend, cousin) to explain to her how things would be better if you both get along. Good luck.
some kids react better when you ignore the tantrums, other kids need to be told firmly that they can't do that. put her on a quick time out and tell her why, or take something away from her, something she really likes. i wouldn't threaten her with sending her to dad's house, that can backfire on you in so many ways. and when it comes to making decisions like what to wear or what kind of bread to buy, don't include her in the decision making. that way she knows who's in charge and how it's going to be. she's a child you know what she needs to eat or wear, she just knows what she wants and likes only. i never ask my son if he wants this or that i just say here you go and i don't have a decision problem with him. my son is 6yrs old and i'm a single mom since he was 1yr 1/2. if your daughter is having too many tantrums it could also be that she needs more structure in her little life, i was having problems with my son in school and with him not listening to other adults and stuff and it was because he wanted attention. i have after school activities for him now and he's on a tight schedule now and he's become so well behaved in a matter of 2 to 3 weeks. but it all depends on what's going on with the child. talk to your pediatrician about it, they have helpful info too. good luck
i am having exactly the same problem with my 9yr old girl, hopefully it's just a stage kids go through, if you find yourself getting mad just walk away and give yourself a minute or two then go back and talk to her when your calmer.good luck x
Sally, She should not be controlling you . You are the parent. My younger sister was 7 when my mom split up w/ my father. You could try counseling. And she want to get attention.
hope this helps.
~Haley
Stick with it - it's hard but if she sees that she can get her way by having tantrums, she always do it. Eventually she will get the message that compromise is a preferable option. You can pick out the adults who used to get their own way as a child by having tantrums - they're impossible to live with.
Do the same to her as that woman does to her obnoxious little boy in the supermarket in the VICK'S advert - do a "tantrum" back and see what she thinks of it when the boots on the other foot !
Ignore them if she sees that she isn't getting the attention that
she wants she will stop. You have to be strong on this one.
give her a punishment for every time she shows off like this, like no TV for two days and take the TV out of her room, make no, mean no, even if she breaks the rules then take somthing else away from her. keep the rules simple and easy she dose what you say ,when you say it, otherwise there will be consequences.
tantrums are a message sheys feeling helpless if you try show her shey still has the power to see her dad get her a mobil so shey can phone him and call him your self and give her the phone shey should get the point but be patient a child needs both parents and its verry unfair on them to be stoppeed from contacting eather
as she gets older you will find that tantrums happen at similar ages, so she will probably calm down for a while and then start again!! my stepson had tantrums every 2 years, 5,7,9,11!!
the separation probably isn't helping the situation, and don't ever threaten to send her to her dads for bad behaviour! then she will see her dad as a punishment! make a behaviour chart with your daughter and then reward for good and take away for bad behaviour! for example if she is good then she gets a sticker and when she has a certain number of stickers she can have a treat (e.g. new toy) if she is naughty then you take away a sticker and one of the toys that she plays with!! this worked for my stepson!!
hope it works for you!!
don`t give up on your little girl they all go through tantrums and 15% of the time is not that bad walk away and let the tantrum go on without u watching ,seven is an age when they go through changes, try praise the positive,ignore the tantrums and when she calm talk to her and tell her how she makes u feel and explain if she feeling upset about daddy to try and tell you in a different way,she will get out of this in time and when she sorry you should give her a cuddle accept the apology and tell her you love her and tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable ,ask her why going through the door first is so important to her but you need to be calm yourself when you do talk about stuff to her ,sometimes its worth letting them do these little things to avoid tantrums in the first place and its not going to cause you a problem to let her go in ahead of you if u know its makes her happy. she may be pretending its ok that daddys not there for your benefit ,don`t give up on her though she is precious to you and the 85% of the time she is good makes its all worthwhile,i don`t think smacking a child is going to make a child be good ,they just don`t be naughty out of fear of you and do you want your child to be scared of you especially with their knickers pulled down to be spanked ,it is actually illegal to treat your child like this and classed as child abuse , being naughty and having tantrums is part of being a child and learning right from wrong
Ignore it she'll stop soon!
well take away a privileges something really important or give her extra chores,set an example for her that there will be consequences for her actions that are out of her control.good luck
Patience is a virtue. Any split between parents is difficult for a young child to take however it is not acceptable for her to act out in this way. Find a way in which she feels comfortable in expressing her feelings to you. Communicate to her what you are feeling and create an environment that will encourage her to speak to you openly about the trouble she is obviously having with the split of you and your spouse. Do not threaten her with sending her to her fathers. Threatening a child is not very effective in behavior modification. Good Luck.
Your first paragraph describes my 11 year old daughter. Her father no longer lives with us and at times I am dying to say...I'll send you to your Dad's for a holiday. There are many reasons for bad behaviour:
Insecurity - being different
bullying at school
large tonsils and sleep apnoea
an insecure home - maybe you have a boyfriend and she thinks you love him best?
lack of routine
No matter what, she needs to know that you love and support her and you are there for her always.
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