If your child is 24, been on her own for several years, would you feel guilty not paying her bills?
Answer:
Absolutely NOT! She needs to learn how to be a responsible adult or suffer the consequences. If you bail her out, she'll just keep coming back for more. Nobody can make you feel guilty but you! You're talking about a 24 year old adult woman that needs to start acting like one.
It's tough love time. She needs to learn that all commitments she makes, financial and otherwise, need to be kept before anything else. Life isn't always fun and there isn't always money for it.
Tell her not to give you any of that "other parents" BS either. Let her know in clear terms that it doesn't fly with you and this is about HER future and HER ability to survive.
She also needs to be shown how to keep a checkbook (most banks will do it free or for a small fee), how to get her bills in order and paid by priority, including an amount put into savings as a "bill," how to set and keep a written budget, etc.
I can also recommend a great book for both of you called 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' that really helped me "get a grip" on goal setting and organization, self motivation, and self sufficiency.
http://product.half.ebay.com/7-habits-of...
Hang in there and stay strong. Take care and best of luck!
Yes it is. What I mean by that, don't pay her bills, help her figure out how to budget better.
nope, tell her you love her and will support her emotionally for the rest of her life, and then when she starts trying to dig herself out of the hole she has made, remember to try not to say, "i told you so."
All the other parents do not pay for their 24-year-olds to have fun. All the other parents do NOT pay for their kids students loans. It is nice to help out when you can and want, but she should not expect you to.
Do not feel guilty. She may be upset with you, but this is tough love.
It is not your responsibility to help her if she is unresponsible!
No way...she's an educated adult. Don't bail her out. Give her the number of a financial adviser. She's not gonna listen to you anyway. She just wants cash.
you will only hurt her if you pay her bills. Offer to help her with a budget and checkbook register to get it all back inline and maybe help her get caught up once it is all figured out, but only if she is going to follow a budget so that she doesnt get in this mess again. If she doesnt like thids idea, then she may have to learn the hard way.
I am 24 so I think I can answer this question honestly. Going to college isn't a right. It's a privledge. If she wants to go somewhere that she can't afford, that's her problem. I had to bust my butt to go through community college and state university. But that's what it took! And a job! Good luck!
no she is using you. she is 24 not 14. if she cant fend 4 herself now she never will. u have ur own bills to pay. she has to learn to prioritise
no it isn't your job especially if before going to college she knew she was going to have to pay herself.
you are not responsible. Let her suffer a little sounds like all the sacrifice has been from you. Love Her but let her take control of moneys. Good Luck
She is 24, it is NOT your responsibility!
When my kids say, "all the other parents do" I say "well, I don't."
If your priorities for how to spend money have not rubbed off on her, she needs to experience the consequences of her choices.
Do NOT help her with the bills, or you will be rescuing her for the rest of your life.
No, absolutely not! I am 25 years old and a single parent. I pay all of my own bills. By paying her bills for her, you are enabeling her to continue this lifestyle she has adopted! She needs to be responsible and this is the only way to do it, even if she goes to collections. I had to learn this the hard way and my mom was very supportive in offering to show me how to balance my checkbook, how to do a budget and stick to it, etc. That's what I would do if I were you!
id feel guilty paying her bills. if she is that bad with it, let her learn the hard way
help her figure out a budget, its not up to you to pay her bills, if she can pay them then she should, they are her bills,, shes an adult and with that comes bills that has to be paid,,
i've been single, 24, and had a good job. on top of that i had a baby. yes i still wanted to have fun by myself and with my child but i had to learn the hard way to take care of myself. my parents would help me out whenever they could but i did not expect them to cover costs that i could not which led to collections. i had to grow up and take responsibilities for my actions. long short good god she's 24 let her make her own mistakes and PLEASE don't feel guilty. give her little gifts every now and then like a gift card to starbucks or a restraunt, but don't pay her bills.
absolutely not! If she couldn't pay her bills (disabled or something to the effect) is one thing but choosing not to pay them just so you can is not right...however my MIL paid her oldest son's and his wifes student loans off in full for them ( they are both in the medical field (no kids) and could have easily paid them) but my husband and his sister both pay their own and sometimes go without to make the payments
She's a grown woman and it is not your responsibility to help her especially since she is not helping herself. I don't know if you helped her while she was in college, I agree that most parents do help their children while they're in college. If you didn't maybe that's why she feels you should help her now. Either way she's out know and most people I know with student loans are paying them themselves, I know I am.
Sally, I feel your pain. I have a son who would be a perfect match for you daughter. I tried to help him but when I was working 2 jobs and he was only working one and partying as much as he was...I drew the line. I simply called it tough love. I've worked hard for what I have and believe me it's not much. All us parents want our children to do well in life,but it's thier life and they have to work for it too. Do I feel guilty ? No more.
1 Stop feeling guilty she put herself there.
2 Just giving her money only rewards her for her behavior.
3 There is something that you can do Help her set up a budget.(Checkout Debt consolidation companies)
4 If possible she can work a second job for a while
remember the harder she works to get out of debt the more she will think and be responsible in the future.
Time for some financial "Tough Love". She's an adult and her financial issues are due to irresponsibility.
If she had fallen ill or had a bad accident and the bills were medical, then yes, help out, but don't bail her out of her financial irresponsibility.
Bailing her out is just enabling the irresponsible behavior.
She needs to grow up.
Tell her now that she has graduated from her fancy college welcome to the school of hard knocks.You create a debt, you pay the debt.Isn't it great to have all the perks of being an adult...responsibility,account... ,maturity.These are life skills classes your daughter may have skipped.Let your daughter know that you expect her to behave like the adult she was always in such a big hurry to be. If you bail her out what is her motivation to grow up?
No. She is an adult. She made her choices. If you do it once they will keep expecting it. Trust me, it is better for HER to have her mad at you, then to let her think she can get away with unacceptable behavior! (At any age!) This book helped me to understand that: Boundaries by Dr. Cloud & Dr. Townsend. Check it out!
I have been on my own since I was 17 and pregnant. I had to learn the hard way.
The only thing that you will do by paying her bills is encourage her to continue with her bad spending.
You should let her suffer the natural consequences of her actions.
She will lose her credit cards, she will have the damage done to her credit, and she will not be able to get a credit card for a while. Her lights will get shut off, she will be evicted, she will notice that the world makes you pay your bills or you end up living on the street.
The most responsible thing that you could do for her is to drive her to a credit counseling service. They can teach her to spend her money wisely.
I would say do not help her. And I'm saying this since I've had expirence, not as the parent, but as the child. She will never learn. It's time to grow up. Sadly it may be the only way she learns, the hard way. Help her understand the importance of paying bills and help her set up a plan. This way she knows she can count on you, but no to help her pay bills. That is her problem, not yours.
I believe i would see if i could talk her into letting you make a budget for her and balance her finances. Maybe you will not have to consolidate her delinquencies through a credit counselor if you can help her get on this right track now. I feel for you and hope all goes well. God Bless you and yours!!
To answer your first quesiton, yes, as a parent I would feel guilty. Most parents would because they know that NOT paying them will cause hardship in one way or another for their child and that is hard for a parent to feel without having guilt. That sai, please stop helping her. It might seem harsh to you and unthinkable to her, but if you continue helping her it will get worse.
The truth is, many, many many parents do in fact help their kids. It does not start where you might think. It starts in the upper-middle to upper class kids who are out of college, used to living off their parents almost completely and tend to have been "sheltered" a lot by financial stability at home and being put on a good "fast" track.. I say this not to be snobbish, but from true experience.
The problem with this is that it rarely stops at "helping them to get on their feet." The kids become accustomed to this support and start out right away with unrealistic ideas of how to divide up money, time, responsibilities and the like. Before you know it, you are paying not only their loan, but part of their mortgage/rent and a few other bills (most of which would be considered a real luxury to those that have come from "other" situations) like cable, cell phone, internet access.
Your daughter may or may not have the above background, but please believe me when I say that as her parent, it is your responsibility at her age of 24 years, as it was at 24 months, to see that she becomes a mature, responsible, independent, well adjusted adult. This will make her life, and yours, much happier.
Take care and good luck.
Do not pay her bills this is a great lesson in life! she has to learn to take care of her own and if you step in to help you know she will just keep going out and blowing her money on fun. She has to take care of her own bills or you will always have to help her out if she doesnt learn now!
The only bill i would help my child pay at that age would be her student loan but only if i could afford to2
To bail her out now means you will always bail her out-at the cost of losing everything you have worked hard for! That is not going to help her. She needs to learn the consequences of her actions! Tell her that you would be happy to sit down with her and work out a budget with her. If she doesn't want your help, then you just have to let her learn the hard way-she can cry on your shoulder after going to bankruptcy court.
I'm 24 and my parents don't pay for my mortgage, child, car, or anything. I also have a BA in History with a minor in Government... and who paid for that.. I did! Let her get herself in trouble because that is the only way she will learn. She is 24, not 4 or even 14.
If you continue to help her out she is going to continue to rely on you you are still her mother and to her she almost feels like she is still a young girl and you are going to take care of her. She needs to grow up. I was just like her im 24 myself I see it now
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