My daughter's ages 5, 7 and 8 fight all the time! Does anyone have any suggestions to help make them get along
Answer:
I am a mom of 2 girls and half raised my ex-boyfriends girls from 2-13 You cannot force them to like or enjoy one anothers company. But down the road in life they will be better for it.
But you can lay down and enforce some rules.
It sounds like the 7 year old is haveing some middle child issues.
She is not the oldest so dosen't have the same priveleges.
the youngest probably gets away with more because of her age.
she is feeling ignored and left out.
The fights are a way of getting extra attention. she wants more than her sisters get which if she gets her way will cause more problems. But there are ways to calm some of the rough waters and at the same time your middle childs emotional upheaval.
A FEW IDEAS BELOW
1. first talk to each of them privatly and find out what the main bone of contention is. all siblings argue. arguement is normal, but not to the point you mention.
Explain to each one you have no favorite child and respect thier opnions and feelings. actually write thier problems down and let them see you do it. This way they know you are paying attention and you recall which child said what later.
kids fave accusation is favoritisim. some of them even believe it. make sure they understand you take thier opnions/problems, seriously.
Don't talk down to them.
Remember when you were thier age and adults talked down to you ? It didn't feel so good did it ?
2. Set aside and mark the calender certain times, even if its just an hour or 2 so that each child will have alone with you. No ienteruptions ,unless it is an emergency or you are required to go to work. Then that allotted time will be resceduled.
You will all start to look forward to it. It may not be spontaious but the girls will know what to expect.
My experience is kids need to know what is going to happen to them next for thier mental security.
all school and extra activitys will be marked on the calender in advance. set a limit each has to be in by. Then stick to it.
3. sit them all down together and explain the new rules.
explain they will be enforced fairly and equealy.
sample
1. no violence of any kind , no threats,no bad language will be acceptable.
2. no borrowing other poeples things without permission.
3. who ever is in charge will be shown respect, not just you.
4. Just befcause you aren't home does not mean the rules will not be followed.
This means parental respect for the kids 2. Do not put a child out of its room ,or especially bed for the night, so the other can have a friend sleep over in the other childs bed.
I PROMISE THIS BREEDS HATE FAST.
I still resent my own parents for doing it to me and I am over 30
Do they have thier own rooms or share? If they do not have thier own rooms it is time to make some friendly idvisions.
Property lines. Mine, yours and ours.
No not the movie, no joke intended.
Enforce it. It will teach them respect for each others things, thier own and later in life others.
All guests are obliged to follow your rules.
The second best excuse is thier pals don't know the house rules. post them on the wall and make sure that they tell thier frinds the house rules. stay close and listen to be sure they do.
The kids may not like it at first but thier parents will.
If the parents don't you probably do not want your kids over at thier house. They probably have no idea what is going on.
Sounds like it's time for Nanny 911
Find something they all like to do. Its has seemed to work for the children i have watched in the past. Rent movies they can all watch together. Although don't make them spend all their time with each other. That is why they fight all the time. They will grow out of it i promise.
Get three tubs. Write a name of one of the kids on each one. Then everytime they fight, you take one toy away and put it in their tubs. You give them the toy back in two days. Then you get a sticker chart and let them all pick out their own stickers. Everdyday they go without causing or having a big fight, they get a sticker. Once they have ten stickers you tell them they can do something fun like bake cookies with you or you get them a new toy.
I put mine in separate rooms for an entire day and didn't let them play with each other (my girls are 5 and 6). It can be a hassle for you as a parent, and make the day long, but when you commit to it and stick with it, it worked for me. Now all I have to do is mention that as a punishment and they straighten up! Also, I take a lot of the arguing out of the equation, such as same seats in the car, dinner table, etc. I have a very organized life so that everyone knows their place and their jobs and their turns for things. I had to do that as close in age as they are. Also, their rooms are set up like "centers" would be at school, and they MUST share everything. I am also a Pre-K teacher, and it works in the classroom as well as at home. All the dress-up stuff is in one girl's room, all the kitchen play things in another's room, all the art stuff in the kitchen, etc. If one person had something, then she can play with it as long as she wants, but when she is finished she returns it to its "home" and then someone else can play with it. I also have all things with little pieces (games, puzzles, Polly Pockets, etc.) in their boxes or storage containers in a closet and they have to have permission to play with them. (Polly Pockets, Barbies, etc. each have their own storage container to keep them separate) If there has been a lot of arguing going on, the closet toys are off limits. IT WORKS! Even my nieces and nephews and the girl's friends know the "rules" and it makes play time more enjoyable to all because even when they are free playing, there is structure, and kids thrive on structure. It takes some time and structure to establish, but it is worth it. We have a lot of peace in our house. I pray for peace in yours too!
Let them be. This is very normal childhood behavior. Sometimes, children do this for fun, because they are bored? If there is an issue, not intervening teaches them to solve conflicts amongst themselves. They will stop this sooner or later. Just know that if you get involve, you will be sorry...
What you could do if it gets to be too much is put them in one room together and not let them come out, until they have agreed on a solution.
It's normal.
It's part of childhood...
Try to help them work out their differences.
Your middle child may feel that you love the other two more because she is in the middle. You have your first born and your baby, so she feels left out even though she not. Try making a special effort to ask her about things she likes or what she would like to do with her sisters. Find a common ground that all girls like. Just don`t make the effort some much that your our girls start to feel left out. I`m sure you will be fine because you have already realized a problem, it`s just finding the right solution. GOOD LUCK
sit down with her. find out what she needs. maybe you need to have a mother daughter day where it is just you and her. while you chillin' out, try to reason with her. explain to her how that makes you and her sisters feel. that usually works.
My sister and I used to fight all the time. The main cause was the fact that we were so close in age (I'm a year older than her). Often, she felt that she should be able to do the same things I got to do (after all, what's a year difference, right?).
Your 7 year old could be suffering from "middle-child" syndrome and could also be upset that she can't do the same things as her older sister and tries to control the situation with the younger one.
The best thing you can do is what some of the others suggested: Sit down and talk to her. See if you can't figure out what's going on.
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