19 year old daughter is dating a 36 year old. What can I do?
Answer:
unfortunately, there really isn't much you can do in this situation. she is an "adult" by law. she is young and she may think she is ready to be with this man but she won't learn anything unless she does it on her own. state your concerns and tell her if she wants to be with this man that you don't approve of then she needs to move out. it is hard to let go but you have to let her make her own mistakes and she will hopefully learn from them.
i hear there are people that can "solve" your old man problem...
rightfully if you support her the she should follow your rules. you supporting her may be part of the problem, is she trading your support for his? this sounds like a situation where professional counseling may be helpful. good luck.
Im sorry but im right along there with you. I totally agree with you on this one...it is wrong i believe. She's too young! your still her parent and have the right to tell her and stop her from getting her self hurt...i know she may not listen to you...but tell you the truth...im 22 and i would never date some guy that is almost my parents age. if she doesnt obey your wishes you may need to go with a different stradegy and take further action. Thats your little girl. and sure you do want to protect her. Who knows how this man is..I used to talk to guys on the internet. and know ive realized from seeing the news with girls getting murdered or kidnapped that i was doing wrong..and i was dissapointing my parents..I wish you the best of luck.
Sometimes there is not much a parent can do when your child is an adult. You can try and talk to them together about how you feel. Most likely they will get mad and she may end up moving out but she is an adult and you can not stop an adult from doing certain things.
I hate to say it but there is really nothing you can legally do. Keep in my she is still a teenager. Yet she is of legal age. So putting your foot down will probably push her out and into him.
Best advice I can give you is to talk to her as an adult not a parent. Tell her you expect the same from her. Explain how you feel, but be nice. Ask her to really think about her relationship with this man.
I would also check into his family. Because someone like that is basically a cradle robber and may even be a child molestor. There really is not going to be much you can do. He may be legit in how he feels but it is highly suspect.
The only thing you can really do is hope and pray for your daughter. When something does go wrong at least try to be there for her.
I would tell her if she's mature enough for a relationship like that, she's mature enough to be on her own and if she's going to be with him, she can't live with you. She's taking advantage of your generosity.
Also, my father is living with a girl who is three years younger than I am, and the longer they are together the easier it gets to deal with it. It is possible they really love each other. While I'm never going to be over my dad living with her, I can at least get through the day without crying about it now.
I recommend that you refer her to me and I can take of business (if you know what I mean)
Even if you dont like the situation there is probably nothing you can do to make her change her mind. Talking to her about it will only make her upset, obviously she knew how you would feel because she kept it from you in the first place. It will probably drive you crazy but you'll just have to let her stay in the relationship if she really wants to, if it is a mistake she'll learn for herself.
there is nothing wrong with age, shes an adult and as long as they are happy you should be happy for them,, i met my boyfriend when i was 18 and he was 35, we have been together for 6 years and have to kids together and happy as ever...
hey!!let her grow up mom!!19??18 is emancipation age? she could walk and you would have no recourse?sounds like an overprotective mom,dad fdamily?if she hasnt been instilled with whatever values yu have by now at 19 its too late mommy!!why are YOU taking care of expenses?? she should have a job!!that would take up some of her "boyfriend" time as for laundry, and daily adult chores for upkeep of self would keep all that love and kiss time down to a minimum!! she has too much free time by you doing for her what she by the age 19, should be doing for herself!live and learn! a great teacher to young people, also known as experience!!
i dont fully agree with you on the age difference what i do agree on with you is that she doesn't seem responsible enough to leave your house.. so instead of saying no to her boyfriend say no to leaving tell her if she wants to see what it is like to feel mature and independent enough to make her own decisions then start making her pay her own bills and when she is indpendent enough to not need you anymore then she can do what she wants. But untill then your the boss and you make the rules not her.let alone her boyfriend...
a 36 year old man is not looking for marriage he is looking for an easy target he can manipulate and control. unfortunately this is your daughter. I don't know what can be done. I don;t think you can demand her to stop seeing him. This is a bad situation. but do not in any way discourage her from making her own decision be it with a old man like this one. because when your daughter and the man don;t work out. she will have you to fall back on. she can't throw in your face that you never supported her in this relationship. just take it on day at a time . it will probably end soon when he finds an younger easier woman he can manipulate.I will say a prayer for you and your family though.
When I was 20 I dated a guy who was 32. My parents weren't too thrilled about it. They dropped subtle hints from time to time, but never came out a directly criticized the relationship. It didn't take be too long to see that this wasn't a guy that I wanted to be with forever. Because of the age difference, we didn't have a lot in common, as far as music, movies or other interests go.
HAY Things could be worse, Shes 19 , so if you want to put your rules and regulations on her, you will most likey lose her,
Have you took the time to find out any thing about him, how he feels about her, How she feels about him, If you push to hard she will Be Gone,,,If thay decide to get marryed there is nothing you can do about it So my advice to you is make peace
Becouse some day there will be a grandbaby
been there done that. GOOD LUCK,,,,,,,,,,
Tell your daughter to invite him over to the house only when you are home, for dinner or watching tv.
Take time to talk to him about his interests and get to know him.
Order your daughter to help set the table, cook or order the pizza with you and do the dishes. Do not ask him to help her, he is a guest.
If he stays after dinner, tell your daughter she has a carefew in from of him. If they decide to go out, ask him to bring her home at the time you decide. Do this several times with a smile on your face...your daughter will be embarrassed, probably she will have a fit with you in front of him and you... stay calm...Pretty soon he will fly away in search of a free lady and leave your daughter alone.
wheres the husband? and grab the shotgun. thats extremly suspect. he's almost twice as old, and if she thinks she's an adult, what the hell is she doing under your roof? at 19, she still probaly has no clue who she is. you need to get a big scary male friend, or the husband, and get them to tell this guy off.. wink wink.
What a shame. It's sad because she is old enough to make her own decisions. Yet as her parent, you surely want to steer her away from this man. What on earth could be his motivation to be with her? I'm sure she is beautiful and smart, but she is still a teenager and it is definitely not appropriate for him to be with her! What does she say when you ask her about it? What does her father think? I don't know. I wish I could help you more.
I think you should put your foot down. She is 19 years old and if she is old enough to date a man who is 36 then she is old enough to move out and get her own place or make her own mistakes. I know it is hard but you have to let her live her own life, not under your roof. When I was 18 I met and married a man who was 30. 12 Years older than me. It lasted for 7 years. He did not treat me bad and we had 3 kids together but it just did not work. I am married now to a man who is 6 years older than me and am very happy. My point is - Let her grow up on her own. Let her know that you are not happy with her dating this man and as long as you are paying her bills you want her to stop. If she has a fit tell her to move out. She needs to grow up and you need to let her go.
your right if you put your foot down she will move out and even if you don't she may move out anyway. She is with a grown man. She is also an adult herself I know you said she is imature but this is something she needs to work out herself. You can voice your opinion about it but thats about it if you don't want to jeperdize your relationship with your daughter. Good luck!
OKAY I AM NO WAY TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, BUT JUST A SUGGESTION FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM 23 AND I HAVE A DAUGHTER OF MY OWN, SO I CAN KIND OF FEEL YOU ON BOTH SIDES. WHEN MY MOM DIDNT LET ME DO THINGS I DEFINITELY REBELLED AND THAT JUST MADE THINGS WORSE, BUT WHAT I DID LIKE ABOUT WHAT SHE DID TO ME IS TEACH ME INDEPENDENCE, AND YOU NEED TO STOP PAYING FOR ALL OF HER THINGS IF SHE IS GOING TO NOT OBEY YOUR WISHES, ESPECAILLY.. YOU CAN NOT TELL HER WHO TO DATE, AND YOU CAN NOT JUST PULL THE RUG FROM UNDER HER BECAUSE SHE WILL GET ANGRY, BUT LET HER KNOW SHE NEEDS TO RESPECT YOU AND LISTEN TO YOU IF YOU ARE TO CONTINUE TO PAY FOR HER THINGS. IF SHE IS SO INDEPENDENT THAN SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF, AND YOU NEED TO SCARE HER THAT WAY. IT IS NOT RIGHT TO HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO. AND IF SHE IS GOING TO CONTINUE SEEING THIS SICK MAN (EXCUSE THAT, BUT HE HAS PROBLEMS) THAN YOU SHOULD LET HER SEE HIM AT YOUR HOME AND HAVE HER INTRODUCE HIM TO YOU. i KNOW THAT WHEN MY MOM DIDNT LET ME DATE I SNUCK OUT, AND THAT IS WHEN WORSE THINGS CAN HAPPEN, AND YOUR DAUGHTER IS IN THE CARE OF THIS MAN. I AM NOT SAYING TO LET THEM HAVE SEX IN YOUR HOME, THEY NEED TO RESPECT YOU AND YOUR HOUSE, BUT IF YOU WERE LIKE TO LETS SAY INVITE THEM TO DINNER OR SOMETHING NOT ONLY MAY YOUR DAUGHTER FEEL HOW AWKARD IT IS THAT HER PARENTS HAVE MORE IN COMMON WITH HER "BOY" THAN HER, BUT MAYBE HE WILL STOP BEING SUCH A CREEP AND FEEL WIERD..EITHER WAY WHAT IS THE WORSE THAT COULD HAPPEN?
XOXO
FRIST OF ALL TRY TO BE HER BEST FREAND HER ONLY GOOD FREAND THAT SHE REALY LOVE'S .DAD.THEN ASK HER IF SHE REALY LOVE'S HIM.THEN YOU SAY OK .TO GET HER TRUST IN YOU DAD.I
She was only 21 and I was 36, so as hard as it may be to hear this. I broke up with her only after her parents had had enough and kicked her out and she moved in with me. I had children as well, and honestly her immaturity finally got to me and it was too much for me to have another child in the house to take care of. I give it all of about 6-8 months (tops!) once you love her enough to show her to the door. It may just be the hardest thing for you to do, but it just might be the only real solution to your problem.
Your daughter is an adult now . Let her live her life the way she wants it.
Age does not matter when it comes to happiness or love.
He is older and wiser which will probably make her a better hubby than some of them immature young fellars.
the best you can do is to talk to her. she is going to do what she wants to do period. yes i feel that if you force her she will do something that she might not even want at this time. so at this time if you have talked to her then thats all you can do. just make sure that you and her can easily talk about things like this. she's going to need advice so make her comfortable so in case something happens between her and him she can let you know.
talk to the guy. i dont know if im right, but do some a lil threat that if he'll do something bad to your daughter u wont mind sending him to jail. or if a good communication can take place, ask him if he can leave your daughter alone.
Kick her out.
The ONLY success I have seen in these kinds of situations is to, hard as it is, talk to her as if she were your friend, not the child that you changed diapers, taught to ride a bike, and watched grow through high school.
I would ask her questions, like:
-what do you have in common?
-what don't you have in common?
-what's the attraction?
-why do you think a 36 year old man isn't going after someone closer to his age?
If this is too hard to do without getting yourself triggered-and it is no shame if that's the case, this is hard stuff!-then see if you can find a counselor you can both trust.
Otherwise, I agree with the others who said to invite him over and act normally with her while he's there. Act as if he's a "normal" date for her, rather than someone twice her age. Whatever you do, DON'T make any snide remarks about their ages while he's there, though.
all you can do really is go with the flow,otherwise you will turn your daughter against you and she will keep doing what you don,t like just to be stubborn and to nark you.She will come to her senses in due time.HEY we all do eventually.
When I was 19 I dated a 29 year old. My parents hated it, and they put there foot down saying I was too young for him. And I did move out / in with him 7 years later I'm still here with him. I think your right about putting your foot down.
this is how i look at things my daughter was 15 she dated a boy her age he was awful to her i hated him and couldnt wait til she dumped him.. she is now 17 and dating a boy who is almost 21 and he is very good to her i couldnt ask for anyone better for her so i dont say anything about it,,, and btw there was 16 yrs difference between my mom and my dad he being the older one and they were married until the day he died and very happy i may add
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