As a Parent am I too strict?
Children should not climb in the Kitchen
Children should not Swear
Children should not hit adults when being told off
Children should not help themself in the fridge (three year old)
Children should not throw toys in tantrums
Children should not show agresive behaviour when being told not to do things
Children should say please and thank you
Children who throw tantrums when they want something dont get the things they want.
My punishment for most of these would be time out and told why they are being put in the time out etc and the right way to do things the next time. Obviously this wouldnt apply to all. Please tell me i am right in this? Clear Boundries and rules need to be set so a toddler dont walk all over you right?
Answer:
Sure - all that sounds perfectly reasonable... in an ideal world! The trouble is that children can run through ALL of those bad behaviours in about half an hour, and if you choose to enforce punishments for each transgression, you're going to have a very miserable household, and one where bad behaviours escalate all the time, until there's a prevailing attitude of resentment and hostility.
Pick your battles, prioritise which are the most serious offences and use time outs for those. Practice a little selective blindness - kids are going to get frustrated, and sometimes the only way to express themselves is to get angry, surely they're allowed that the ODD time. No need to pounce on them for every little thing. Apply a 'pass' rate for behaviour - yes, they should say please and thank you, but if they do it 80% of the time, wouldn't that show that they get the gist of the thing, and will improve as time goes on. You want them to be civilised adults, and safe as children, not little robots.
You don't say, but I presume these are YOUR children? If not, you're on dangerous ground when it comes to imposing your standards on someone else's children - that's a whole minefield, with a very rocky road.
I do not think you are strict I think that is how it is supposed to be unfortunately for me I can get my kids to do half the things you mentioned.
Good on you! I think that's an awesome list and you are doing the right thing. You are 100% right.
Absolutely spot on! If you dont start as you mean to go on, you will regret it, its when they are toddlers that you need to fashion the way they are, too late when they are gobshite teenagers
YES!! You are absolutely right! And no, you are not too strict.
This is why there are so many god awful kids out there. Their parents don't set clear rules and boundaries at home. I have an eleven month old that is better behaved than a friends two year old. Because I set limits.
You should have clear rules that cannot be negotiated. This helps kids in the long run. Just wait...your girlfriend's kids will get on your last nerve if she doesn't start to do the same...
I think you are right. Another one I use - my son is not allowed to tell me no unless it is an answer to a question. I am the parent - he is the child. I do preface a lot with the phrase, "I don't do these things to be mean, I do it because of what can happen (like jumping on the couch)."
You are an excellent parent. You have good moral standards and values and are not afraid to enforce them. I can honestly say that if more parents were like this we would be living in a better society.
God bless you for restoring my faith in parents.
I think that there should be boundaries established but im taking it that you are not raising the children on your own. I would sit down with your girl and you two will have to define the rules and boundaries of what is right or wrong even though there will be many gray areas which cant be filled in.
hey your dead right if i had children id do the same children need to know right from wrong just imagine how your children would turn out if we didnt teach them right from wrong keep doing what your doing
I don't think that sounds too strict but I dont think I would use time outs everytime. If they need to climb take them outside if they throw a toy give the toy a time out. Dont make your child think they are in trouble all the time and reserve time outs for when you really need them. I usually just end the activity when my son starts hitting and by walking away he looses interest and it diffuses the situation. Be sure your not the mom who is constantly yelling If you can get out of the house adn do something new everyday so that you have fun together too!
That's how i raise my son. If he throws a fit for something he's def not getting it. I don't think that's strict at all. If you don't teach your children the right way they'll never learn and think it's ok to act out over every little thing.
I think you're absolutely right. I have a toddler, too, and we're having similar issues. I agree that bounderies are essential.
Why does this lil child have all this anger to misbehave like this? You are right but something is going on with that child to cause him/her to act like this.
I think your rules are fine, with one exception...why should you be telling any child off? We have similar rules in our home, I would say almost exactly, we enforce them and we have well mannered , highly educated children because of it. Keep up the good work. And tell your friend she can raise her kids anyway she wants...however, you choose to raise yours this way.
All seem reasonable, but for a three yo it may take some time.
You will expect the child to retaliate.
Paitience is a virtue like they say, and the stricter you are the more patient you will have to be.
If you are patient, it would not seem strict. Try a different approach.
Good luck.
You r not 2 strict. You want to teach your child manners. Just show them respect and reward them for respectful behavior. Remember u r the role model. Without rules they will walk over u. Keep up the good work, America needs more responsible parents like u.
I agree children should have rules and boundaries, otherwise they will run all over you when they are older.
I think you are right in your beliefs and don't stop chastising your children you'll regret it later.
They don't stay little, but they do stay disrespectful.
Sonia in Columbus
I have to agree with you . You sound like your a very responsible parent . In today's society were children are acting up we have to look at how the parents have raised them . Good behaviour I believe starts in the home . Your child will always know right from wrong and when in the wrong putting them in time out and doing what you suggested by explaining why they are in time out The child will learn that the behaviour is not acceptable.
However saying that a 3 year old will act up as it's their age but as long as you stick to your boundaries as the child grows they will know consequences will happen for bad behaviour.
Well done for being a responsible parent pity some parents ain't .
As long as your fair but firm but never forget to have fun with the child as well . Believe me my little one is now a teenager and i miss her being a toddler . Have fun xxxx
You are an excellent parent. By having ground rules early in life, your kids will respect you and not be holy terrors as teens.
My wife and I have the same arguement as this about our 3 year old. She thinks I am to strict and I think she is a push over. What I have started to do is be more like her, and so my son now acts like a complete A-hole all the time, and she is now forced to be more like I was, because he is a momma's boy, and is always up her butt when she is home. So if she wants to get anything done, she HAS TO discipline him or she will be basically annoyed to death. This is actually working, and my wife actuall said I was right. it only took a few days of him actually doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted for her to give in. Now we both discipline him, and we are fairly strict...he's only 3, he has no idea what is right for him, and absolutely no impluse controll. And he is going to Kindergarden in 11/2 years, so we need to make sure that he will behave and be polite when he is not at home. BEING STRICT FROM THE AGES OF 0-4 MAKES LIFE SOOOOOOO MUCHEASIER FROM THE AGES OF 5-FOREVER.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR FORM OF DISCIPLINE NOR YOUR REASONS FOR IT. Take comfort in knowing that your children will grow up with some manners and values...unlike a lot of children now a days.Tell your friend to mind her own business.You are not doing anything wrong and don't let anyone tell you that you are. You are responsible for your children. Keep it up,it will pay off in the long run.It's nice to know that there are still parents who actually believe in disciplining their children instead of trying to be the "cool best friend". Good for you. :)
Well I have one thing to say here....if all mothers were like you we would not have half the problems with anti social behaviour, drug abuse, and vandalism that we do. So yes you are perfectly correct in what you are doing which you will be proven right in the fullness of time.
I agree with EVERYTHING you said. and then some.
Kudos to you for being that way. I sometimes get grief from others on the way we raise our children also. Never from other's who believe like we do but from people/family members who have children that RUN WILD !
I'm proud of the fact I'm raising a well mannered, good behaved child (children) that I can take ANYWHERE and KNOW they are going to be good and listen to me. My daughter is 3 years old and a son who is almost 1. we ALWAYS get compliments on their behavior.
Maybe your friend is just frustrated b/c her children aren'yt like yours. Those that lack control envy it. b/c they don't know what else to do.
Nothing you've listed is unreasonable.
However, if SHE decides to parent HER children differently, that's none of YOUR business (unless there is abusive or negligence).
But, no, if this is an accurate description of your parenting, I'd say that you'd doing a good job.
Oh.. wait... is the GF the mother of this child? If so, then a little different answer.
If the GF is a parent, then, although I think you're doing fine, you DO need to come to an agreement on the basics of parenting. However, it's perfectly fine to have differences in style. That's one reason why it's great to have multiple parents.
not at all! u stick to your guns so u can raise well behaved children coz there aren't many of them about nowadays!
well l think your doing the right thing and no that isn`t being to strict at all.
You and your girlfriend need to show a united front. Agree on a way of disaplining your children that you both agree with. You arent been strict but your girlfirend may have had a past experience with adults that are too strict. Talk to her about how you are only looking out for the kids and you dont feel comfortable in the arguments that happen because the child doesnt do what its told. Have a good conversation read some books and articles. And Good Luck.
No you are not too strict! Keep it up! We have pretty much the same rules at our house only the punishment is perhaps even harsher.After all,you want your kids to grow up to become responsible adults.I have a sister who does not train her kids very well and they are so irresponsible even as adults.It might be tough now,but your gf willl thank you one day if you keep it up.
I think you are correct to believe your children should or shouldn't do all these things; however, it is unreasonable to expect toddlers (especially) to do all these things. Instead of punishing a child for all of these things with time out, all the time, I would use the time out more judiciously. Teach and remind to say please and thank you. Ignore tantrums. If they throw a toy, just take the toy away with a simple, "We don't throw toys." I think you can have rules and boundaries without punishing the child with time out every time they don't meet your expectations. Hitting does need to be nipped in the bud, in my opinion, so I'm with you on that one.
OK i think that most of Ur rules are fairly good rules. the only thing that i c a problem with is. there should be a shelf on the lower part of the fridge for a toddler. there growing to be more independent. so let them! u can still set the rules on what they eat. u put the food on the shelf for them. i think that Ur doing a good job on parenting. u have good rules there are parents out there that don't care what there kids do. but kids have to learn how to do for them selves if not there gonna be co-dependent on others.
Hi I agree except the fridge I let mine in the fridge after meal times I leave their stuff on the bottom shelf they can get an apple any time that way. The hitting one u are so right. my six year old once hit me in front of a friend and i was so shocked and embaressed, I just wished we had been at home. I hate to discipline in front of others. ( I dont smack)
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