My 18mos. old daughter .?
Answer:
Do you hold her all the time? If so, I'd be willing to put money on it that is your problem. Unfortunately, at 18 months, they don't understand that they are not the only one who exists in your world. Does she go to daycare? If not, I'd start her in a baby class where she interacts with others, this is incredibly important for her development. She'll learn at an early age how to share and act in a positive manner as opposed to how she's acting now.
Have you tried putting her in time outs for acting inappropriately? She needs to understand that her actions are not justified and if you are allowing her to push inbetween you and your husband, dominate your time when you are trying to converse with others, etc., she will NEVER stop doing this. She has basically learned to manipulate you at a very early age and trust me, as a mother of two daughters and step-mom to 4 other children, you will only make matters worse if you allow this behavior to continue.
You need to nip this in the bud and start using positive reinforcement for her actions. IF you are in the middle of a conversation, I'd try to redirect her attention to the tv, a toy, something. If that doesn't work, a pop on the but and telling her NO firmly has never hurt. Most will argue the issues of a pop -vs- timeout, but when we were growing up, timeouts were never heard of and in all honesty, as long as you are not beating your child, a pop never hurt any of us.
Good luck!
Ignoring a behavior is the best.
You should not be surprised if your child has tantrums only in front of you. This is one way of testing your rules and limits. Many children will not act out their feelings around others and are more cautious with strangers. Children feel safer showing their feelings to the people they trust.Encourage your child to use words to tell you how she is feeling, such as "I'm really mad." Try to understand how she is feeling and suggest words she can use to describe her feelings.
Set reasonable limits and don't expect your child to be perfect. Give simple reasons for the rules you set, and don't change the rules.
Keep a daily routine as much as possible, so your child knows what to expect.
Avoid situations that will frustrate your child, such as playing with children or toys that are too advanced for your child's abilities.
Avoid long outings or visits where your child has to sit still or cannot play for long periods of time. If you have to take a trip, bring along your child's favorite book or toy to entertain her.
Be prepared with healthy snacks when your child gets hungry.
Make sure your child is well rested, especially before a busy day or stressful activity.
Distract your child from activities likely to lead to a tantrum. Suggest different activities. If possible, being silly, playful, or making a joke can help ease a tense situation. Sometimes, something as simple as changing locations can prevent a tantrum. For example, if you are indoors, try taking your child outside to distract her attention.
Be choosy about saying "no." When you say no to every demand or request your child makes, it will frustrate her. Listen carefully to requests. When a request is not too unreasonable or inconvenient, consider saying yes. When your child's safety is involved, do not change your decision because of a tantrum.
Let your child choose whenever possible. For example, if your child resists a bath, make it clear that she will be taking a bath, but offer a simple decision she can make on her own. Instead of saying, "Do you want to take a bath?" Try saying, "It's time for your bath. Would you like to walk upstairs or have me carry you?"
Set a good example. Avoid arguing or yelling in front of your child.
As a parent, you can sometimes tell when tantrums are coming. Your child may seem moody, cranky, or difficult. She may start to whine and whimper. It may seem as if nothing will make him happy. Finally, she may start to cry, kick, scream, fall to the ground, or hold his breath. Other times, a tantrum may come on suddenly for no obvious reason. When your child has a temper tantrum, the suggestions below can help you both get through it successfully:
Distract your child by calling her attention to something else, such as a new activity, book, or toy. Sometimes just touching or stroking a child will calm her. You may need to gently restrain or hold your child. Interrupt his behavior with a light comment like, "Did you see what the kitty is doing?" or "I think I heard the doorbell." Humor or something as simple as a funny face can also help.
Try to remain calm. If you shout or become angry, it is likely to make things worse. Remember, the more attention you give this behavior, the more likely it is to happen again.
Minor displays of anger such as crying, screaming, or kicking can usually be ignored. Stand nearby or hold your child without talking until he calms down. This shows your support. If you cannot stay calm, leave the room.
Some temper tantrums cannot be ignored. The following behaviors should not be ignored and are not acceptable:
Hitting or kicking parents or others
Throwing things in a dangerous way
Prolonged screaming or yelling
Use a cooling-off period or a "time-out" to remove your child from the source of his anger. Take your child away from the situation and hold her or give her some time alone to calm down and regain control. For children old enough to understand, a good rule of thumb for a time-out is 1 minute of time for every year of your child's age. (For example, a 4-year old would get a 4-minute time-out.) But even 15 seconds will work. If you cannot stay calm, leave the room. Wait a minute or two, or until her crying stops, before returning. Then help her get interested in something else. If your child is old enough, talk about what happened and discuss other ways to deal with it next time.
You should never punish your child for temper tantrums. She may start to keep his anger or frustration inside, which can be unhealthy. Your response to tantrums should be calm and understanding. As your child grows, he will learn to deal with his strong emotions. Remember, it is normal for children to test their parents' rules and limits.
As tempting as it can be, do not reward your child for stopping a tantrum. Rewards may teach your child that a temper tantrum will help her get her way. When tantrums do not accomplish anything for your child, they are less likely to continue.
You may also feel guilty about saying "no" to your child at times. But be consistent and avoid sending mixed signals. When parents don't clearly enforce certain rules, it is harder for children to understand which rules are firm and which ones are not. Be sure you are having some fun each day with your child. Think carefully about the rules you set and don't set too many. Discuss with those who care for your child which rules are really needed and be firm about them. Respond the same way every time your child breaks the rules.
Your child should have fewer temper tantrums by the middle of his fourth year. Between tantrums, his behavior should seem normal and healthy. Like every child, yours will grow and learn at his own pace. It may take time for him to learn how to control his temper. When the outbursts are severe or happen too often, they may be an early sign of emotional problems. Talk to your pediatrician if your child causes harm to himself or others during tantrums, holds his breath and faints, or if the tantrums get worse after age 4. Your pediatrician will make sure there are no serious physical or psychological problems causing the tantrums. He or she can also give you advice to help you deal with these outbursts.
It is important to realize that temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up. Tantrums are not easy to deal with, and they can be a little scary for you and your child. Using a loving, understanding and consistent approach will help your child through this part of her development.
My son is 16 months and the same way. It is a jealous factor something I find that helps is when you are having a conversation include them in it also when you and your husband are kissing pick her up and kiss her and have your husband hug and kiss her to. With other children pick her up to and let her know that you love her. This seems to help for me. They just need reassurance that you have not forgotten about them and you still love them.
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