My Mom doesn't want to babysit for us very often. Why do you think that is?
She knows that we are tired and desperate for time alone and she uses that as a control tool.
After she sits with our kids she reminds us of how nice it was for her to do us a favor.
I love my Mom but I don't understand why she is behaving this way. I rarely ask her to watch the kids because I hate hearing her say no. That's why I'm confused as to why she doesn't offer more often. She keeps our kids for a few hours a month. Our three year old still doesn't talk well so we aren't comfortable leaving her alone with anyone and we don't have other choices.
Answer:
It could be a number of reasons.She may be scared that if something were to ever happen bad (praying it won't) while they are in her care,you would hate her.Or could be that she is just trying to retire and feels like she has done her part in raising kids.Talk to her to make her feel more at ease.
Honestly, you sound kind of whiny. Your mother is not obligated to take your kids. Maybe she senses your ingratitude. Maybe your kids act like brats. Maybe she doesn't like to babysit. There could be a lot of reasons.
By the way, a few hours a month is a heck of a lot more than a lot of kids see their grandparents. Maybe you should break down and hire a babysitter if you're so desperate for a break.
My mother is the same way. Do you take the kids to her as opposed to making her come over? My sister always expects my mother to come to her and she does not like it. Also, do you ask often? A few hours a month may be a little too much for your mother. Sometimes grandparents may feel they are being taken advantage of. Now my in-laws are totally different. They take my son all the time, in fact they request that he comes over. It may just be a personality thing with your mother. Try sitting down with your mother and communicating, let her know how confused you are, but do it in a non-confrontational way.
Good Luck!
AT LEAST SHE WATCHES YOUR KIDS, MY SON LOVES MY PARENTS AND WE LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR, BUT WHEN I ASK MY MOM IF SHE CAN BABYSIT CAUSE MY BOYFRIEND NEEDS SLEEP BECAUSE HE WORKS 3RD SHIFT AND I HAVE TO WORK, SHE SAYS YES BUT YOU CAN TELL IN HER VOICE AND IN HER BREATHING THAT SHE DOESNT WANT TO DO IT, SHE BREATHS IN REALLY DEEP AND LETS IT OUT THEN SAYS I GUESS, I HATE IT, WE DONT USE BABYSITTERS EITHER BECAUSE OF THE SAME FACT, I HAVE NOT BEEN OUT WITHOUT MY SON FOR A YEAR NOW, IT WORK AND HOME OR I HAVE MY SON WITH ME, THE LAST TIME I WAS OUT WAS ON MY 21 BIRTHDAY WHICH WAS ALMOST EXACTLY A YEAR AGO, I HATE ASKING HER CAUSE SHE MAKES IT A BIG DEAL, SO I DUNNO WHY YOUR MOM IS LIKE THAT BUT BE LUCKY SHE TAKES THEM AT ALL
This is a sacrifice all parents have to make when having kids. I am in the same situation or sort off. my husband is in Iraq right now and I am my kid's only support. Maybe you should make plans at nights while your kids are sleeping. Do you attend church?
She doesnt have the personality that does cuddly stuff, so dont try to make her into something she is not. Find a babysitter and go and have some fun with your husband, you need it.
First of all, legal age for kids to stay home alone is 12.
Second, your mom is getting old, maybe she doesn't want the responsibilities
Last of all, maybe you should learn to be more independent. Some older parents only like to play with kids, they bearly can take care of themselves.
Boo-hoo. They're your kids, they're your responsibility. Shouldn't have had kids if you weren't ready for the times ahead.
I don't know why she does that. She may feel like she is being "used." She already did her child raising and she probably wants to just be a grandma now. I know you are hesitant to look at other child care options (I know, bad things can happen) but you probably should. Perhaps a reputable day care would work. That way, you can use time your kids spend with her as "visiting Grandma time."
Even though your mother does not have much of a social life, it is her life. She is a widow and she may be trying to get back out into doing social things and is doing it her way. Just because you and your husband chose not to use sitters does not mean that your mother should be your first choice when you feel like you want some alone time. It doesnt mean she does not love her grandchildren, but you and your husband are being selfish by taking for granted that when you two want to do something together, that you mother is just supposed to drop everything she is doing or alter her plans, to accommodate yours. That is really diresepecting her, dont you think?
Also, you have to remember, that YOU and YOUR HUSBAND chose to start having kids to raise. Not your mother. She has paid her dues. It is now your turn to pay yours. She is a grandmother and not an on-call nanny.
Well..first off..she isn't there to be your personal babysitter. Asking her to spend time with your children and asking her to babysit are 2 different things.
My mother in law let us know that she has already raised her kids and didn't want to raise ours... as if babysitting was that intense! I realized that although my grandparents were very hands on and involved, some aren't as eager to be a part of the kids lives... It does put you in an arkward position because you should be able to have time alone... I would approach her about it-if she just isn't interested, don't let it get you down, realize your children are very special and she's missing out! :)
My mom is the same way. I hate asking because I feel like im bothing her. I sat down and talked wiith her about it and I believe that she just dosent want to be tied down. Shes grown and all her kids are finally out of the house and now its "her time". I guess I cant really blame her for that!
some grandmas are just like that, my mother in law loves my daughter yet when it comes down to taking care of her she doesn't want to do it. she tells me its because she raised her kids already and its their turn to take care of there own kids. On the other hand my mother loves taking care of her grand kids they basically live with her. So don't take it against her that is just the way some people are. Good Luck.
You sound like a spoiled brat! Your mother isn't obligated to watch your kids- get over it! Sure, it'd be great if she wanted to and volunteered but if she doesn't want to then she doesn't have to!
So your mother watches your kids for a few hours every month?? Well, let me tell you this...My mother has watched my 3 1/2 year old for maybe 4 hours her entire life!! My husband and I have gone out to eat without my daughter twice since she's been born. Yeah- we would like to have more time to do things but we are the parents and the kid is our responsibility. We are like you- we don't trust babysitters and my parents are the only ones that we would allow to keep our daughter.
Get over it. Your mom has raised her kids now it's your turn to raise yours!
If you can't bear to leave your children with anyone then you're trapped in a box that you built. It's good for kids to interact with adults other than parents and grandma. There most be SOMEONE who is good enough for your precious darlings. Your friends must have babysitters. You must have friends. Your children must have teachers who might want to sit or know of someone who does. If you still can't bear it, ask Grandma if she would be willing to take care of the kids if you brought over a teenaged helper to play with them or fetch and carry. Or get a nanny cam. Or just get over being so paranoid. Your question makes me wonder if you're special-special parents - the kind who arrive with a sack of food because little Mikey won't eat anything but his own food and don't try to have him take a nap because he won't nap unless mommy naps with him. If that's the case, well, then, no wonder grandma doesn't want to sit!
Wow - I'm sorry you are experiencing this with your mother. I am very fortunate to have a mother who LOVES to spend time with her grand-kids. My mother is a widow as well and she likes to occupy her time with the grand-kids. If I were you, I'd sit down with your mother and ask her if you and your husband could count on her to keep them overnight, two Saturday evenings a month. There's no harm in asking. Also, very important, we always pay her something - well me and my husband always give my mother money and we always bring food/snacks or pay extra when she keeps the kids. Talking has worked wonders in life and just be honest. You should try asking her and also tell her you guys are overwhelmed and need the quality time together. Always thank her before, and after.
SInce when is Mom the designated babysitter? She's raised her kids and obviously doesn't want to raise yours. She is doing you a favor! I think you need to bite the bullet and find a regular babysitter. If you use the same person, you & your kids will get to know them and feel comfortable. Besides, your kids need to get to know how to deal with all kinds of people - or do you plan to keep them isolated with just you and Mom? Jeez - grow up yourselves and let Mom live her life. She earned it.
I know a number of people in your situation with grandparents.
I think a big mistake we make is thinking that our parents are going to want to watch our kids whenever they have the chance. That because they did are empty-nesters they miss the chaos of children in the home.
My Dad needs advance notice and short durations when watching my kids. We had to sit down and talk it out. What he was willing to do in regards to babysitting.
You are going to have to find other options. It's not fair to your mom to put the burden on her, as if it's her responsibility to be the sole babysitter. On the other hand, it's not fair to you and your husband to be at the mercy of someone who obviously likes the control.
what about friends? Parents of your kids' friends. Parents of your friends? Play dates scheduled at the same time?
My husband and I felt the same way about leaving our kids with non-relatives. It hurt our feelings that Grandmas and Aunties would turn us down or let their feelings known that they would rather not. We didn't go out much.
Now, as a Grandma myself, I understand that babysitting and visiting are two very different things. If I babysit I need to make sure that the kids know their boundaries with me; that's hard for a grandma to do. I would rather just be Grammy; the special sitter, not the regular sitter.
Besides, I don't have the same energy I had in my 20's and 30's. It's hard to understand that when you're that age but it is a very big concern.
Maybe if you talk to her and make like two or three days a month when she takes care of them so you can go out. My mom is always happy to take care of the babies. If you want to go out, sometimes take the kids. I know that leaving them with baby sitters will not let you have good time because you will be thinking about your kids and how they are. Just talk things out with her.
If I were you I wouldn't ask mom to baby sit .. Find some one else mature and reliable to care for the kids. There are alot of dependable teens that your kids would have a blast with. When your mom sees you are depending on others to care for her grand children she may have second thoughts about her own behavior. She may even become a little jealous that your kids love the new sitter.
My mom is somewhat similar. She has 5 grandkids all under 7 years old. My daughter is 4, I'm a single mother and sometimes I ask her to babysit. She usually does, but she can only deal with it for a few hours. She is just somewhat of a high strung person and gets flustered and stressed out easily. Those are her limitations and you just have to take it for what it is. It's nothing personal, that's just all she is willing to do. My mom's perspective is, she already raised her kids and now she wants to take the time to be with her husband. She sees the kids a lot and does plan special time with them, but again, it's usually on her own time when she wants to and when she feels she can. Today she is picking up my daughter from pre-school and taking her to see Charlotte's Web. Then after that, I will go down to her house, we'll have dinner together and then I'll take my daughter home. You probably just need to find someone else to do it. At my daughter's pre-school, one of the younger teachers does babysitting on the side for a VERY reasonable price...you may want to check into that!
Your mom may like the routine she has at home. She may enjoy the quite at her home. Even though you say she doen't have much of a social life, she may have some hobbies she likes to do alone, like read or something. It's possible she feels she raised her children and just wants to be grandma, not a secondary care giver.
I'm not saying its a good or a bad thing, just throwing out a suggestion to what might be going through her mind. ?
I Feel like some of the other answers people are leaving are kinda cruel and ridiculous. If some one is not in the same situation than they dont understand, However my mother is exactly the same way. She lives fairly close, and loves my two year old daughter to death. But..When I ask if she can baby sit so that my fiancee and I can have some sanity, its always "maybe, I think im going to lunch that day" or "Im to tired". She doesnt have much of a social life either, She rarely even works, I just dont understand why she wont baby sit. My daughter is definetly not a "brat" or "bad" at all she is one of the most well behaved loving children i have ever met! And for the other people who are answering your question with "hey, maybe your kid is a brat or really annoying!" I dont think that is very kind at all because in most cases thats not it, its something more. I wish I had an answer for your question because I am wondering the same. The only conclusion I have come to is that maybe my mom is to lazy or just doesnt care enough about my sanity. I guess We'll never know the truth until we are grand parents and get asked the question "Mom, How about watching the kids for a few hours?"
Sounds like mom doesn't approve of your marriage, your choice to have children, or the way you are raising your children.
She is shoving it back in your faces. "You made the mess, deal with it".
You need to find a babysitter and cut out grandma from the loop. Eventually she will find a need to either confront or forgive, or risk only seeing the kids on special occasions.
I also think that having children does not obligate your parents to babysit. My mom will watch my son, but not for very long, and it's well-planned ahead of time. She has her own life, she's older, and it's harder for her to keep up with him. She's raised her children, and now's her time to take it easy and do things for herself. You just have to bite the bullet and find a babysitter you can trust. I know it's hard, but you're going to have to at some point!
I would be upset also. When you were a kid did her mother watch you? Interested to know that one..
I think she's using your comfort level against you. Honestly if it were me in the situation I would do the following: 1. don't rely on her watching the kids, the next time she gives an impromptu suggestion of watching the, tell her thanks but you have some family plans of going to a movie or something. THEN, for your own sanity, try and find a good sitter that you feel comfortable with, it's great that one of your kids is 7 and could really tell you whats going on... if not make friends with other couples that have kids and take turns going out and watching the kids. I think that always works.
Once your mother realizes you aren't leaving the kids with her and that she needs to come watch the kids she's going to start and change... she's too old and too close to play these games with you.
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