My husband acts like a don't know nothing about toddlers even though I read books and talk to his doctor why?
Answer:
Sounds like you married a mama's boy. But that is a different subject. But is probably the reason why.
The only advice you should take is the Doctor or his nurse practioner . . . especially for his health. As for the book, most are full of psychobabble crap written by people who has no children or were parent 50-60 years ago like your husband's mother.
It is difficult to find a reputable book, because you can find one that say this way is right, and I can find over a dozen to say that way is wrong. No one truly knows what they are talking about.
As for caring your son's needs . . . both you and your husband should take an active part. Remember the lessons you learn about education, behavior, etc. Love and care is also key, be encourage - but also do not pump him up so much that he will think that the world revolves around him.
Talk to your husband, set-up times for when could mold his son, and for you to guide him in the gentler ways. Also, when making a plan you two should talk it out, before starting with your son.
And if your husband, only wants to be a backseat driver, tell him it is time to put up or shut up.
He's jealous that you're the mom and you have a much closer bond and he wants to know more than you about the baby. Trust me, my friend IS a dr, an ob/gyn to boot. Her husband is the same exact way. He claims he has "fatherly instinct. When the baby was running a fever, he wanted to jump in the pool with him to cool him down! Talk about crazy. Just ask him where he is getting his ideas about what's right or wrong and if they aren't justified, like that "fatherly instinct" crap, then tell him you have spoke with the dr and you know what you're talking about. When he has dr's backing him up, then he can give you advice. Till then, tell him to grow up and shut up unless you say otherwise!
I think you might be able to help the situation by looking at him differently. Rather than feeling put down by his mistrust of your knowledge, feel amused by it. And, because it is rather amusing and obviously not fact-based, try to discern the deeper reason. Maybe he's looking for a way to feel important and included. This is a tough one for devoted moms, because babies just require so much care and energy.
I would thank him for his opinions and ask him questions just to get him talking. Cuddle with him, lean against him and listen to him, say you see his point, say it feels great to have a husband so involved with your baby.
If he's being mean, tell him you can't allow yourself to be talked to that way and you will be happy to talk with him respectfully about it.
well as a father of three myself, I was a little sceptical of my spouses' approach in child rearing. I guess I had to put trust in her decisions and also weigh the pros and cons of either working seperately or together in parenting. If we were to continue approaching parenting in seperate forms it would only lead to arguements. Reading literature in child development is probably the best way to raise children to get results that will have a positive outcome for becoming a well-rounded individual into their adult lives. There are alot of good books out there in today's age to help guide parents as opposed to the era of your own childhood to include your spouses childhood. I can understand how your husband feels that he needs to seek advice from his mother, however I think he honestly needs to think about some of the ways that his parents could have improved their abilities of child rearing if they were given the tools that we as parents today are exposed to. Just because we believe we're doing the right thing doesn't mean we have to ignore the possibilities of a better way. Raising children to the best of our abilities with what we already have and comparing the abilities we possess with what the experts have to say is a good way to do what is in the best interest of our childrens development. Sometimes it's hard to be open-minded to other possibilities because we sometimes find it hard to convince ourselves that the way we know might possibly be incorrect. I guess it all boils down to being a great parent or being the best parent we know with the information we grew up with.
I'd tell you husband to grow up if you are asking your Dr. advise & reading up on matters you know what your talking about.Should also tell him he should be sharing on some of the responcibilty on raising him the "lazy butt"
Well for one thing stop reading the books and start parenting. Funny how I seemed to have managed to raise a respectable, resputufl, well respected child without picking up a book. When I wasn't sure of something that I thought would affect her health I would discuss it with her doctor. I suggest tossing out all of the books, the only person who is an expert on YOUR child is YOU. If you don't know your child I suggest you take the time to know him. As for your husband he needs to stop consulting his mother and start parenting his child as well. Next time father wants to tell you what to do put the kid in his hands and tell him that if HE can do better to do so...then walk away...
Fist of all, nobody knows better for your child than yourself, not only for being his mother, but also for being the primary (and seems to be the only) caregiver and also keeping yourself well informed with up to date information. Tell all of that to your husband, but by the other hand, do not discualify his mother, nor his concerns, because that will make the situation worse. Remeber, he was raised by his mother, he loves her, so he must thing she knows everything.
You should make clear that, his mom could know allot about growing chidren and she did the best she could with all the information and knowledge that was available for her at the time, but when was that? 20-30-40 years ago? Medical Science, psicology and research have gone a long way since then, and what could be known by right then, could have been proven wrong today (such as the believeing of breast milk wasn't good enough for feeding a baby, or honey instead of sugar, for small children, spanking until the butt was red fire, etc..).
When you have a decision to make, put everything on the table (if possible make a list of pros and cons if you are the type of to-do list people), not only the posibilities to consider, but also why you are considering it and where it came from.
You should give your husband some books/magazines/articles to read. If he doesn't have time or doesn't like to read, after you read them, highlight the main ideas for him, and include the resource where it was taken from. If he refuses to read, just leave them on the table/workstation, any place he can see it and read it, and tell him that it is just in case he is interested in understanding your point of view.
Also, he should go every now and then with you to the appointments, and asks all the questions he may have, making the app an information session more than a 'who is right' competition.
And last but not least, leave him spend more time with his child, for him to know him better (for example, leave them together at home while you go for groceries...). Every child is different, and what could suit your husband when he was a baby, could not fit your child today. Trust in each other, be flexible and open minded, that should be a must for both.
I hope it helps. Good luck!
I would inform both him and his mother that you have the guidance and support of a qualified physician and that the two of them had better stop this power trip they are on. I would explain to his mother that if she wishes to have a relationship in the future with her grandchild she will learn to respect you more here and now. If she does not she does so knowing that she won't have many more future opportunities to disrespect you again if at all. Tell your husband that you have thoroughly documented his lack of time with his child and that as you are good enough to be the primary caregiver then you are the primary decider and he is quite frankly...overruled!
he feels that he should have some of the responsibility too so let him do some of the parenting as well you should both have an equal role in youre childs life
It's hard because new Mom's feel insecure anyways and here your husband is asking his mother for advice. But just remember one thing, he's probably feeling insecure too. He's probably going to his Mom only because he's so afraid that he'll somehow screw up, and that you both won't end up being "perfect parents". There's no such thing as perfect. Books contradict each other. Doctors learn new information. Grandmothers learned from the above and from their parents. Talk with your husband more and both of you take a deep breath and relax. It takes time to find your own rhythms as parents. Just when you have one area kinda figured out, they're on to the next life stage. Plus no two children are the same either. So what works on this one, may not work for the next. It takes a village to raise a child. If someone in your "village", for example, your husbands Mom has outdated information, take it for what it is. After all, you are not the children anymore. You are now both the parents, the adults. Sort through ALL the information that's at your disposal. You sound like your both trying VERY hard to be the best parents you can be and that's all you can do to give the best life you can for your child.
I don't know if this will help, but sit down and talk to him! tell him how all of this makes you feel and ask if he is feeling insecure, too. I have a two year old, and another on the way and we talked about who would be the 'main parent' during pregnancy. By 'main parent' we meant who would be in charge of Dr's visits, feeding, medication, when she could have certain things, etc.BUT we would discuss anything that either of us felt unsure about. So far, we have only disagreed a few times, but still managed to try to see each others point of reasoning. If you don't want to take MILs advice DON'T! It won't hurt her feelings, and if it does, she needs to rethink her reason for giving it! As far as the books, read them in moderation...I freaked over almost everything because the books would say this is not normal, or she should be doing this, or that, but they don't know either. Go with your instincts and trust the doctor!
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